“I’m not cowering,” I hissed, then sighed. “But I feel drained. I’m not strong. I don’t care if they think I’m weak.” It wasn’t true and I’d later regret my lack of control, but right now I wanted to escape.
“Never show those people weakness,” Growl said in a low voice, leaning down until we were very close. “You are stronger than you think. No woman has ever given me such a hard time like you do every day. If you can act strong around me, you can be strong around those weaklings. They are nothing.”
I blinked up at his amber eyes. For the first time I actually considered grabbing his face and kissing him. I wanted to do it in front of everyone. And that, too, scared me. I nodded instead. “You are right.” I lowered my eyes, unable to stand his closeness any longer. I caught a few people watching us with open mouths. Apparently they were waiting eagerly for a scene between Growl and me. They’d probably be horribly disappointed if this evening didn’t end with me being beaten to a bloody mess by Growl.
I glared at them and they actually looked away.
“That look is good. Show them who you are.”
“If I only knew,” I whispered. Across the room I suddenly spotted Trish, and relief flooded me. Trish had always been the kinder of my two best friends. Growl followed my gaze. “Go ahead and talk to her. She’s your friend, right?”
“How do you know?”
“I saw you at Falcone’s party together.”
“Okay,” I said distractedly, already thinking of how best to go about talking to Trish. I couldn’t risk scaring her away.
“And don’t do anything stupid,” Growl said when I was already a few steps away.
“I won’t.”
I hurried past people who openly stared and pointed at me, who whispered my name like a curse and even laughed at me, but I ignored them.
All that mattered was talking to Trish and finding out as much as I could.
Trish spotted me when I was still a good distance away and for a moment I was sure she’d turn around and run, but she squared her shoulders and waited for me. I was grateful for that small act of bravery on her part, especially considering the many eyes that followed my every move. When I arrived in front of her, neither of us did anything for a few heartbeats. Then Trish awkwardly patted my arm and I stiffened under the forced gesture. Any hope I’d had left for my friendship with Trish vanished then too.
I cleared my throat. But I wasn’t sure what to say. I’d made so many plans. They seemed silly now. My eyes darted toward Cosimo and Anastasia again.
Trish followed my gaze and nodded. “I’m sorry, Cara. You know Anastasia always gets what she wants.”
Her words struck me as strange, but I put on a brave smile, remembering Growl’s words. “You can’t help who you fall in love with.”
Trish huffed. “Love. Anastasia only loves herself, you know that.” For the first time, Trish voiced criticism against Anastasia, and I realized I’d underestimated her. I’d never pegged her as particularly clever, and she’d always played the stupid blonde, but her attentive eyes now made me comprehend how wrong I’d been. She’d probably seen through Anastasia a long time ago.
“What do you mean?” I asked quietly.
“She wanted him because of his position. He’s a good catch, and after the thing with your father, an even better catch. That’s all.”
My stomach tightened. “Did she know before it happened?” I couldn’t even say the words.
Trish shrugged. “Probably. She called me the same evening and told me about it.”
“But you didn’t know…” My voice died away. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
Trish lightly touched my arm. “No. I didn’t. And I’m sorry for everything.” Her eyes darted around at the people watching us, and her expression became more guarded.
I knew what was going to happen. Trish depended on the approval of others like I had before everything had been taken from me. And she, more than I, had always been Anastasia’s sidekick. That wouldn’t change. She couldn’t let it change. Trish wouldn’t risk her reputation by spending time with me in the future. And the worst part was, I couldn’t say I wouldn’t have done the same if our positions had been reversed.
I took a step back, forcing a smile. “I know we can’t see each other anymore,” I said firmly. “Just one last thing: do you know anything about my sister?”
Trish shook her head. “Anastasia probably does. Ask her.” I could tell she was eager to end this conversation, and I made it easy for her. I turned and started walking away, but I didn’t know where to go. Wherever I looked, I saw people who wanted nothing to do with me. Not all of them appeared as if they thought my family and I had gotten what we deserved, but nobody looked like they were going to help me, or even talk to me. I’d never felt more alone in my life, and this time there wasn’t even a mobile in my purse. And even if there were, there was no one I could have called. My desperate gaze settled on Growl, who was no longer talking to the group of men. Instead he was standing by himself, a glass of red wine in his hand, gaze glued to me.
I hesitated for a moment. But he was the only person I could go to. I glanced around again, toward the doors and windows, then stared down at my feet and laughed bitterly. When I raised my eyes, Growl was still watching me. I knew he’d never taken his eyes off me. There was no way I could escape, not without help, and even though it hurt to admit, I knew no one at this party who cared enough about me to risk it. Trish twirled around the small dance floor with a young man I didn’t know, and Anastasia was smiling up a storm at Cosimo’s side. Everyone was drinking and laughing and living their lives. But I didn’t miss the glances they kept throwing my way. In some I caught pity and sympathy, but as soon as those few noticed me looking at them, they quickly averted their eyes as if they were worried my bad luck would rub off on them, or perhaps that they’d feel compelled to help me.
But there were also the others, those who watched me with curiosity, desperate to fulfill their craving for sensation. They would probably have approached me to get an update on the gossip regarding Growl if they didn’t have to risk their reputation to do so.
I squared my shoulders and headed toward Growl. When I stopped by his side, he held out the glass of red wine for me. I raised my eyebrows. “Are you trying to make me drunk?”
“You look like you need it,” he said.
I snorted. “I don’t think wine’s enough.”
Growl didn’t laugh or smile, only mustered me with his keen amber eyes. He was still holding the glass out and I finally took it.
“Isn’t that yours?” I asked but took a large sip before he could reply.
He didn’t seem to mind. “I don’t drink.”
“You don’t? They all do.” I nodded in the general direction of the other guests.
Growl didn’t take his eyes off me. “Alcohol makes people careless. It brings out the worst in them.”
“You kill for a living. I don’t think it gets much worse.”
Growl nodded. “Perhaps. But I won’t let alcohol dull my senses.”
I emptied the rest of the wine. “That’s exactly why I drink.”