Shame slapped me, but his anger made mine rise to the surface, too. “I didn’t want to leave you, but what was I supposed to do? Say ‘Hey, Ian, you don’t remember me, but we’re technically married, and guess what? I didn’t help the council execute your friend’s child! I helped save her because I’m a secret cross-species, double-agent Law Guardian! And sure, you already got killed once by being with me, but want to risk getting murdered again to see if the second time’s the charm?’”

“Yes.” His tone was more scalding than a splash of boiling water. “That’s exactly what you should have said. Then I would have told you I did remember you. Perhaps not all the specifics, but enough to chase you even after you threw me away as if I were yesterday’s rubbish.”

My anger fled at the flash of pain in his gaze. I’d caused that. Me and no one else. My throat closed off and my chest tightened until it felt like it was being crushed. I was grateful for the sudden, blurring sheen of tears because I could no longer bear to meet Ian’s gaze. I hadn’t known that regret could manifest as physical pain until this moment.

“Ian . . .” What could I say? Nothing could take back what I’d done, and worse, now I knew I hadn’t needed to do it at all. But I had to explain, this time without anger, sarcasm, or rationalizations. I owed him that.

I met his eyes, hoping he could see the anguish in mine as I dropped all the defenses that had shielded me. “I thought I could never hurt as much as I did when I lost Tenoch. Then you died and . . . it broke me. Literally, as it turned out. I didn’t know I could do what I did after you shoved that bone knife through your eye. If I had, I would’ve done it sooner to save you.”

I let out a bitter laugh as I dashed away the tears that started to run down my cheeks.

“After you died, I would’ve let that half stay in control. She registers loss, but she doesn’t feel it. It’s all cold logic with her. Then Dagon said he could bring you back, and I had to see if he was right. So, I wrestled back control. For once, Dagon wasn’t lying. My father brought you back and I was so happy, I didn’t even care that it meant Dagon was going to live, too. But then I was told you wouldn’t remember me.”

My breath shuddered past my lips. Ian’s hands flexed as if he’d been about to reach out to me, but then stopped himself.

“I lost you again,” I summarized, voice cracking. “Only this time, my other half wasn’t in control to shield me from the pain. I really did think leaving you was the best way to keep you from getting killed again, but I—I did it to protect myself, too. Like someone on fire, I ran, even though that only made everything worse. I know every reason why I shouldn’t feel what I do for you,” I added more briskly, struggling for any semblance of control. “But I can’t help it. I love you—”

He yanked me close and his mouth crushed mine. I kissed him back, clutching his head as if I’d never let him go. He tasted like salt from all my tears, but I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t stop anything. Everything I’d shoved down before was bursting out of me now.

I only let go of his head to yank his shirt off. Then my nails scored a path down his back while my other hand stayed tangled in his blood-stiffened hair. He shuddered with lust, tongue lashing mine with sensual brutality.

I groaned when a hard rip tore my sweater from neck to waist and his bare chest pressed against my skin. I wanted to feel all of him but my damn bra stopped me, and I hated my jeans more than anything in life except his pants, which I loathed. If I were pyrokinetic, all our clothes would’ve immediately burned to ash. I needed his naked body on mine, and I needed it now.

I grabbed his waistband and ripped.

The sound he made had me tearing at my own pants until he gripped my hands and held them at my sides. He dragged his mouth from my throat to my chest before one sharp bite severed my bra clasp.

It split open, baring my breasts. I gasped when his mouth closed over my nipple, swirling the tip before sucking strongly. Pleasure rocketed to my core, growing until I was wet and aching. I strained to free my hands so I could tear the rest of our clothes off, but he didn’t let me go. He moved to my other breast, laving it before he sucked harder, longer, until my skin felt too tight, heat bathed me, and I couldn’t think about anything except having him inside me.

“Forget foreplay, I need you now,” I gasped.

Breath hit my hypersensitive nipple from his low laugh. “You call this need? You’re not even begging yet.”

Begging? That would take too long!

I tangled my legs in his and swept them out from under him. He fell and I landed on top of him, ripping his pants with a triumphant swipe. He rolled, trapping me beneath him with a wicked grin. At once, I held him with my thighs and arched, crying out when his hard flesh rubbed me where I ached the most.

His eyes closed, a guttural sound escaping him. Then they opened, glowing so bright it hurt to stare into them.

“You’ll beg later.” A threat that thrilled me as much as the hard yank that split my jeans from waist to ankle. “Right now, you’re mine.”

Every nerve ending jumped when he moved between my legs. I arched upward, so desperate to have him, a whimper escaped me. His mouth captured it as a hard thrust blasted pleasure all through me. His silver piercing burned in the sweetest way, its friction heightening sensations that already had me thrashing beneath him for more. My nails raked his back at his next thrust, and when he ground against my clitoris while buried deep inside me, the double blast of ecstasy tore a shout from me.

His kiss muffled that. His next thrust was just as hard, but slower, drawing the pleasure out until my skin felt too thin to contain it. I gripped his hips and cried out as another slow, deep thrust made inner bands convulsively tighten within me. The bunching of his muscles beneath my hands, each claiming kiss, his body against mine, and those hard, sinuous thrusts . . . I’d been dying of thirst, and now I was drowning.

It only took one more thrust before I came with a shout his mouth couldn’t completely muffle. His hips twisted, prolonging the rapture that shook me while all my limbs suddenly felt languorous and heavy. He muttered something I couldn’t make out, then his mouth and the blissful weight of his body was gone.

I didn’t have time to protest before he slid down between my legs. Then I gasped as his tongue seared over flesh that still pulsed and tingled from climax. I tried to sit up, but he pushed me back, grip tightening on my hips to hold me down.

I could barely think with his tongue moving over me, proving his memory had indeed returned because he found my most sensitive spots with ferocious accuracy. My hips rocked beneath the erotic barrage and soon, I was gasping until I sounded like I was hyperventilating.

“You are going to make me beg, aren’t you?” I moaned.

A dark laugh teased my quivering flesh. “Told you I would. Besides, I missed your taste.”

A breathless sound escaped me. “I missed everything.”

Another firm swirl of his tongue had my back off the floor as if he’d yanked on it. “With how fast you came, I believe that,” I heard him mutter.

Not even the explosive sensations his mouth elicited could stop me from telling him he’d misunderstood me. “As great as sex is with you”—my voice choked from emotion—“it’s the least of what I missed about you, Ian.”