I keep my eyes closed. I am overwhelmed by what he’s doing to me. If I look into his eyes, I don’t know what will happen right now. I might combust. I might shatter. I might break. I might just come from the sheer pleasure of his touch. I can feel his smile against my shoulder as he presses his lips there. His hands circle my breasts, and gentle thumbs stroke across my nipples, which are straining for his touch. I arch my back, pressing my br**sts into his hands and I hear him chuckle. My eyes fly open.

His hair is wet and he’s dripping with water. I lean forward and lick his chest. He groans, freezing. His fingers pluck at my nipples, elongating them with his gentle tugs. “Logan,” I cry. He looks up at me and stills.

“Did you say something?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I say. Laughter breaks from my throat. “I can’t even think. You want me to repeat myself?”

“I felt you say something,” he says. He grins. “I just wanted to be sure you’re all right.”

I lay my head back against the wall. I’ll never be all right again. He rubs his soapy hands over my belly, and then his fingers dip into the cleft between my legs. I reach for his shoulders.

He picks up the wash cloth again, and gets it sudsy. “Open your legs for me,” he orders, tapping my inner thigh.

This is more intimate than anything I ever dared dream of. He uses the wash cloth to gently clean between my legs. He spreads me open with his fingertips, growls low in his throat, and washes me clean. The cloth drags across my clit, and my knees almost buckle. He throws the cloth to the side and uses his soapy hands to slide across my folds, front and back, front and back, front and back. “Logan!” I cry. This time, I tap on his shoulder. He looks up and grins. “Something wrong?” he asks. He strokes across my cl*tagain, and then opens me to the spray of the shower. His fingers rub back and forth until I’m no longer slippery. Or at least not slippery from the soap.

“I think I’m clean,” I say. I can’t take much more.

Logan stands up and kisses me. “I want to be inside you so bad,” he says. He pushes me under the spray to get my hair wet, and then washes my hair, rinsing it gently. “Your hair is growing out,” he says. “Is it blond?”

I nod. “Not platinum. But a dark blond color.”

“I’d like to see you like that,” he says. “Maybe someday.” He smiles and kisses me. He moves me to the side and starts to wash his own body, his movements quick and efficient.

“Let me help you,” I say, reaching to take the soap from him.

“If you touch me right now, I’ll come,” he warns. “And I really want to do that while I’m inside you.”

My belly flips. “Oh.”

He chuckles. “Just stand there and watch,” he says.

He washes and rinses his hair, and I let my gaze drag down his body. He told me he had a piercing down there. But he didn’t tell me he had a bar through the skin at the base of his penis. “That’s the piercing you were telling me about?” I ask.

He nods, blowing water from his lips. He’s hard. So hard. And long. And thick. And I have no idea how he’s going to get that inside me. But one thing is certain. He’s going to be inside me tonight. I opened that door when I told him my name.

“Emily Madison,” I say. “My name. It’s Emily Madison.”

He stills. “Where are you from?” he asks. He turns the water off, but never looks away from me.

“California.”

“The opposite coast,” he breathes. He takes my face in his hands. “Emily,” he says again. “It suits you.”

I grin. “I’m glad.”

Logan steps out of the tub, and comes back with two towels. He dries me off and wraps me in one towel. The other he uses on himself, and then wraps it around his hips.

“Do you want to go to bed?” he asks. He fakes a yawn. “I’m really tired.”

I laugh. God, this man makes me laugh. “If you think you’re getting any sleep tonight, you are sadly mistaken.” I shake my finger at him.

“Promises, promises,” he growls as he lifts me from the tub with strong hands around my waist.

Logan

She’s so f**king beautiful that I can barely breathe. “Emily,” I say. I want to say it over and over and over. She told me her last name, too, but for the life of me all I can remember is what was written on the piece of paper.

“That’s my name. Don’t wear it out,” she teases.

I pick her up, and she wraps her legs around my waist. My dick reaches for her, and I slide against her heat. But I’m not ready yet. I want to savor every second. I carry her into the bedroom. She kisses me as I walk, and I can barely take a step, I’m so wrapped up in her.

“Is anyone here?” She sits back from me long enough to ask.

God, I hope not. “Don’t think so,” I say.

“What if they are?” she asks.

“Then you’re going to have to be quiet.” I laugh. Because the odds of her being quiet during all the things I plan to do to her is ludicrous.

She buries her head into my shoulder and I can feel her breath against my neck. She kisses me softly, suckling my skin. “Give me a hicky,” I urge. I’m kidding, but then I feel the scrape of her teeth against the tender skin and I really, really want her to keep doing what she’s doing. She bites down gently, and then sucks the pain away. “Jesus,” I moan. My dick pulses and I bite back a groan. I slam the bedroom door behind us and fall onto the bed with her, holding myself above her. My f**king arms are shaking and for the first time in my life, I don’t know what to do next.

So I can collect myself, I take a moment to stop and I unwrap the plastic and tape from her arm. I start to peel the bandage back, but she catches me and slaps my hands away. I freeze, burying my face in her neck. I can barely breathe.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, taking my face in her hands.

“I feel like a fourteen year old fumbling with his first girl,” I admit. “I don’t know what to do next.”

I lift up and open her towel, and unhook mine, shoving it from between us. “You’ve done this so many times,” she reminds me, rolling her eyes.

I still. “I have never done this before.”

Her eyes narrow.

“I’ve never done this with someone who matters. With someone I’m in love with. Jesus, girl, you make me crazy.”

“Can we turn the light off?” she asks. Then it dawns on her that I can’t see her lips if we don’t keep the light on. “Never mind,” she says.

“Will the light bother you?” I ask. I kiss her, cupping her breast in my palm. I gently heft the weight of it, and watch her face as I plump it and bring her nipple to my lips. I tongue it quickly, rasping her tender flesh with care, but force. She arches her back, her eyes closing as she moves to get closer to me.

Her na**d thighs wrap around my hips, and I feel the slickness of her against my dick. “Shit,” I say.

“What?” She freezes.

“I forgot to get a condom.”

She counts on her fingers and shakes her head. “It’s all right. We don’t need one.” She stops and bites her lip. “Unless, um, you need one.”

I got tested just a few weeks ago when we all had bone marrow testing for Matt. I’m clean. “I’ve never done this without one.” I’m afraid. More afraid than I’ve ever been.

I press into her cleft, sliding back and forth through her wetness, but not slipping inside. I notch my dick against the top of her cleft, and press gently, rocking against her clit. She’s so wet she’s slippery and so, so sweet.

I don’t know what to do next, I want her so bad. My breath falters, and my arms quiver under my weight.

“Emily, can you take me inside?” I ask. I can do this with finesse later. We have a lifetime to perfect this.

She reaches between us and takes my dick in her hand. She shuttles her hand up and down the slippery length of me, and then points me toward her heat. She raises her h*ps so I slip inside.

I take it slow. I want to remember this moment forever and ever. I can’t hold in a groan as I bury my face in her neck. “Fuck, Emily. You’re so f**king tight. I don’t think I can stand it.”

She rocks her hips, and takes more of me. I’m buried to the hilt inside the woman I love. I look up at her face and there are tears in her eyes. “Have I hurt you?” I ask. I bracket her face with my hands and swipe her tears away with the pads of my thumbs.

She shakes her head and pulls me into her with her feet on my ass. I start to move.

Emily kisses me, her tongue sliding into my mouth as I slip in and out of her heat. I can feel the little stutters of her breath as I push forward and retreat. She rocks to meet my movements. “Emily, Emily, Emily,” I chant.

I’m closer to coming than she is, but not by much. I reach between our bodies and stroke across her clit. She lifts for me, her h*ps pushing her harder against me. She cries out. I can feel the vibration in her chest. I look into her face. She’s saying my name over and over and over.

Her feet lock around me as she tightens on my dick. “Em,” I rasp. My voice hurts from overuse. “I need you to come, Emily,” I say quietly. “Come on my dick. Please, Em.” I’m not above pleading with her. I’m finally inside the woman I love, but I can’t hold out forever. She feels too f**king good.

She throws her head back when she comes, and her pu**y pulls at my dick. I shove myself inside her pushing in as far as I can go. She sucks at me from the inside, pulling me into her with the quivers of her channel as it closes tightly, so tightly, around me. She falls apart in my arms and I covet every clench. I look into her face, because I can’t hear her cries. I can feel her, though, as she milks me, coming harder than I ever imagined. But then again, so do I. I feel like my balls are being pulled out through my throat. It’s almost painful how she takes all of me. I pump slowly in and out of her, not wanting to stop, but my dick is so sensitive that I have to stop moving.

Her arms wrap around me when I collapse on top of her and she squeezes me, but then her arms fall away. She says something. I can feel it. I lift myself up. “What?” I ask. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Fear clutches at my gut with eager talons.

“If that’s hurting me, I want you to do it over and over and over, all night long.” She chuckles, her body shaking with laughter.

I roll to my side, but I don’t want to be far from her, so I roll her to face me. I brush her hair back from her face with both hands. “I love you,” I say.

She smiles at me, hiding her face abashedly in the pillow. “I love you too,” she says. “No matter what happens, please know that what I feel for you is real. That I don’t know how I could live without you.”

I lean back, appraising her closely. Why would she say such a thing? But she reaches for me and pushes me onto my back. I was still semi hard, and I go fully hard immediately. She rocks on my dick and then takes me inside her. “Jesus Christ, woman,” I say. She’s hot, and wet from where I just came inside her.

She squares her hands on my chest, and begins to ride me. Her movements are unsure, so I take her na**d h*ps in my hands and guide her movements. She slows until she finds a rhythm, drawing her lower lip between her teeth. I tug it free, and pull her down to kiss me. I f**k her while she’s on top of me, her tits pressed tight against my chest. She meets me, and her throat vibrates with sound every time I push in and pull out.

She cries out my name. I can read it on her lips. She says it over and over and over, but I can’t imagine ever tiring of hearing it.

She squeezes my dick within her depths, and I need to come. She sits up, rising and falling on me again, and then she shatters. She comes on top of me, her arms shaky as she quakes with pleasure.

She protests when I pull from her depths. I roll her onto her stomach and shove a pillow under her hips. She smiles at me over her shoulder, a simple encouragement. I need none, but I take great pride in the fact that she offered me her blessing. I slide into her from behind, and she’s so tight this way that it wouldn’t take me but a moment to come. I reach around her hip for her clit. She grabs my hand and won’t let me touch it. I fight with her for a moment. I want to please her. I want to please her so bad. “Please?” I say in her ear. Her hand pushes mine toward her heat and I rub her to completion, and only when I feel her orgasm wreck me do I follow. I collapse on top of her. She lets me lay there for a minute, but she wants to turn over and say something to me, I think.

I fall to the side and pull her to lie on my chest. I place my lips against her forehead and hold them there.

She sits up with her elbows on my chest and looks down at me. “I love you so much, Logan,” she says. Then she dips her head, settles against my chest, and falls asleep.

Emily

I wake before the sun comes up. The light is still on and Logan’s on his back. I’m lying on top of him, and there’s sweat between us. I need to get cleaned up and get out of there before he wakes up. My gut clenches at the thought of leaving him and tears fill my eyes. I look at him through my crying until he’s a big blur. A big, beautiful blur. I love him so much. I love him so much that I can’t stay. I love him too much to make him do without Matt for a lifetime. I just can’t do it. I have to give him up to save Matt. I know it can’t be avoided. Someone might as well cleave me into two pieces – it wouldn’t hurt any less.

I let my tears fall, not bothering to wipe them away as I go and shower. I move as quietly as I can, and get dressed in the bathroom. I brush through my wet hair, but I don’t do much more than that. There’s no need to put on any makeup. It’ll be washed away by my misery.