I ripped down everything of hers and the girls that I could find and shoved it all under the bed, where it couldn’t haunt me. Out of sight, out of mind. Gibson’s doll was the last thing I put away. Before I shoved it into the darkness, I studied its opaque eyes. They were as lifeless as I felt.

As the night wore on and my bottle of alcohol dwindled, the room began to spin. Any second now I’d be puking or passing out. Either end was fine with me, so long as I could stop thinking.

While I studied the swirling ceiling and concentrated on my breathing, my cell phone rang. When I saw Chelsey’s name displayed on the screen, I considered letting it go to voicemail. Curiosity, or maybe alcohol, compelled me to pick it up though. “What?” I gruffed.

“Hey…how are you doing?” Chelsey’s voice was soft, sweet…and grating.

“My wife walked out on me, how the fuck do you think I’m doing?”

She sighed. “You’re not mad that I took her in, are you? Because she didn’t have anywhere else to go…except maybe Liam’s, and I thought you’d like it better if I took her than him.”

My hand clenched around my phone. No, I’d never get through the night thinking Liam was the one comforting Anna. If she even needed comforting. “No, I’m not mad. I’m not anything. Except drunk. That, I definitely am. In spades.” After Chelsey sighed again, I quietly asked, “How is…? How are my kids?”

Chelsey seemed to know what I’d originally meant to ask, and her answer covered a lot of ground. “Everyone is doing okay. Not great, but okay.”

I made a grunting noise into the phone. Anna was “okay” with leaving me. Awesome.

Chelsey cleared her throat. “Look, Griffin, I wanted to let you know…Anna booked a flight for tomorrow morning, and I’m taking her and the girls to the airport. If you want to see her…that’s your last chance.”

In answer, I hung up the phone. She abandoned me. Fuck if I was going to see her off.

Chapter 20

Now What?

I’m not sure what time I passed out, but it was late afternoon when I woke up. My head throbbed, but that was nothing compared to the ripping sensation going on in my chest. She was gone. They were all gone. They were probably back in Seattle by now. Maybe they’d gone to Kellan’s? It made sense that Anna would have called Kiera for help. But she could have just as easily called Jenny or Rachel, or one of her friends from Hooters. She could be anywhere. The only thing I knew for certain was that she was no longer here. I was alone.

I considered texting her. It was something we did a lot whenever I was touring without her. I’d text her, Good morning, sweet ass, I woke up with a boner thinking about you. She’d text me back, Good morning, hot stuff, if you were here, I’d take care of that for you. Then she’d go on to describe exactly what she’d do to me.

More often than not, her words would get me all hot and bothered, and I’d send her a picture of me jacking off. Sometimes video. That would get her all worked up, and we’d share a moment, even though we were thousands of miles apart. I was getting a chubby just thinking about the steamy things we used to send each other…but things were different now, and if I sexted her today, she wouldn’t respond. I was sure of it. It was just one more thing in a long list of things that I’d never get to do again.

This fucking sucked.

Sitting up on the bed made the throbbing in my head feel like someone was jackhammering my skull, but lying here thinking about my wife wasn’t helping anything. Fuck. Was she still my wife? Or were we separated and on the fast track to divorce? I had no fucking clue, and that scared the shit out of me.

My future had always seemed so clear to me, like I was swimming through tropical waters. I could see every pebble of possibility, every coral of comfort, every fish of fame that was going to come my way. Now though, the water was so murky, I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face. And it was iced over. And covered in concrete. The treasure buried deep beneath the waves was so unobtainable to me now, it seemed ridiculous that I’d once had my fingers buried deep in the gold. I’d had it all, and now…I had nothing.

Well fuck that. I wasn’t about to just sit here wallowing in woe-is-me crap while my world turned to shit. I had time to fix this, so that was exactly what I was going to do.

Grabbing my jacket off the floor, I strutted out of my room. I was going to get what I deserved, then get my wife and kids back. Anna’s smile flashed through my brain, followed quickly by Gibson’s laugh and Onnika’s curls. Goddammit, I already missed them so much, it was hard to function. I had a job to do though.

I decided I had to make do with the best of a bad situation. Yes, the album sucked…but no one outside of my family knew that. If I could somehow convince the world that it was awesomeness dipped in awesomeness, then maybe I could collect enough preorders to make a dent in my debt. A small part of my brain warned me that preorders could be returned later, but I ignored that part. I had to try to make the album successful. I had to try to earn some of my cash back. It was the only option I had left.

Over the next month, I did everything I knew how to do as a promoter. I hit every TV show, radio station, club, and newspaper in town, begging all of them to showcase me. But no one was biting. I tried to keep my thoughts off Anna and the girls while I scrambled for attention, but it was impossible to do; they were on my mind twenty-four/seven. Eventually I broke down and called Anna. My hands were slick with sweat when I dialed her number, and my fingers were shaking when I brought the phone to my ear. I’d never been more nervous to talk to my wife, not even in the beginning, when she was just a hot chick I wanted to bang. But now…there was so much between us, and so much at stake that I could lose, if I hadn’t lost it already. I was a wreck, and she hadn’t even picked up yet.