“Come on, brother,” Charlie said, coming up on my side and wrapping his arm over my shoulder. “You look ready to pass out and I’m not dragging your ass to bed later.”

He turned me away from the table and started walking me toward the back hallway, and though I didn’t protest, my head turned so I could watch Doc as we left the room. He stared me down until I could no longer see him.

The whole encounter had been odd as fuck and I tried to focus on remembering his words as Charlie tipped me into bed and left the room. The club didn’t get in the middle of brothers and their women. Not ever. That wasn’t what they were about. So to have a member speak up like that was completely fucking strange.

***

I woke up the next morning with my heart racing, and as soon as I’d showered and remembered the night before, I knew I needed to speak with Doc. I was angry and embarrassed that he’d threatened me in front of the entire club, and I wanted to know why the fuck he would do it. My life outside the club wasn’t his business. There was a clear line that wasn’t meant to be crossed, and he’d jumped the bloody thing.

“Doc!” I called out as I saw him walking out of the garage. “Got a minute?”

I didn’t think he was going to acknowledge me as he walked into the sunshine, but as he hit the grass outside, he paused and turned to look at me.

“What de hell was dat about last night?” I asked, stopping a couple feet from him. “Ye have a problem wit’ me?”

“Forget it,” he answered, dismissing me as he pulled a cigar out of his shirt pocket.

“Ye had somet’in’ to say, now say it,” I argued, annoyed that my accent was thickening with my frustration. It was a tell that I hadn’t been able to get a handle on yet.

“What you do is your business,” he said calmly. “Just don’t like hearin’ you bad-mouthin’ a good woman.”

“A good woman?” I asked incredulously, my eyebrows rising. “Amy?”

“You got no fuckin’ idea what you’re doin’,” he said shaking his head. “Playin’ house with your side piece, then comin’ to the club and fuckin’ drinkin’ yourself into a stupor so you don’t have to remember where you should be and what you should be doin’.”

“I’m not playin’ shite.”

“Do what you need to do, Patrick,” he said, my Christian name sounding odd coming from him. “But keep your mouth shut in my presence. Won’t give you another warnin’.”

“Ye have a hard on for me wife? Dat what dis is about?”

His hand was around my throat and his fingers digging into my windpipe before the last word was completely formed.

I hadn’t even seen it coming.

“You worthless piece of shit,” he hissed, spit from his mouth hitting my face as I tried to pry his fingers from my throat. “You fuckin’ left her there!”

I could hear men yelling as they caught sight of us, but all of my attention was focused on Doc’s mouth and the words flying out so fast I had a hard time keeping up.

“You left her to be fuckin’ tortured. You left her to be raped. Then you come back here and run your mouth about her? That poor girl that never done anything wrong but make the mistake of loving a worthless piece of trash like you?”

“Let him go, Doc,” Ham said quietly, his words no less than an order.

Doc relaxed his hand and I finally took a wheezing breath as I dropped to my knees. The world seemed to be moving in slow motion, all around me men were yelling, but I couldn’t hear anything above the roaring in my ears.

I closed my eyes and the memories came before I could stop them.

Amy kissing me goodbye like she couldn’t bear to let me go.

The trip to North Carolina.

Doc alone at the meet-up.

Mum’s letter.

“I’ve got a heartbroken girl here who refuses to speak.”

Riding to Texas.

Amy’s taped up fingers.

“She’s not said a word since we left Ireland.”

Amy’s shaved head.

“It’s not yours.”

Spitting on her.

“I’ve got a heartbroken girl that refuses to speak.”

“It’s not yours.”

“I’m afraid ye’d make it worse.”

Dear God, what had I done?

The noise that came out of me was like nothing I’d ever heard before, and I didn’t know how to stop it. I sounded pathetic, and I knew that the men were looking at me. I knew they thought I was a pussy.

I didn’t care.

I couldn’t stop the sound. It was the only thing that drowned out Mum’s voice.

“I’ve got a heartbroken girl that refuses to speak.”

I wished Doc had killed me.

Chapter 43

Amy

When Nix was four months old, I went back to school. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do yet, but I knew that a college education would be important when it was time for me to start a career. Peg had been more than willing to bring in all of our income, but I hated the fact that she worked so hard and I got to stay home. I hated taking advantage of her and I knew that if I went to school, I could eventually find a great job and support her for once. I couldn’t wait for that day.

About a month after I’d started my classes, I was on my way home when Nix started to scream in the back seat. I sighed, and pushed my hair away from my face. I would never again plan my classes so I arrived at the school’s daycare right before Nix’s afternoon feeding. If I stayed at the daycare to nurse him, we’d get home almost an hour later than normal, but it never failed that if I tried to race home before I fed him he’d start screaming within a mile of our house.