Her history came back to me in a rush, and I pushed my hands against the bed to get off of her.

“I’m so sorry!” I practically yelled as I tried to move.

“You’re okay!” she assured me. “I swear, you’re fine. I’m not scared, I was just… taking it all in, you know?”

“Aye. I feel dat way meself.”

I kissed the small smile off her face, and leaned down until I was on my side. I couldn’t stop my wandering hands as they moved over her curves, and she moaned low as I finally reached the place between her thighs.

“So wet,” I teased, as she gave an embarrassed smile.

“Lovely,” she whispered back.

My balls throbbed at the word, and I felt my skin flush in one hot wave. I rolled over on top of her and pulled one leg over my arm until it was resting in the crook of my elbow and she was wide open to me.

“Lovely,” I murmured into her mouth as I thrust hard inside her.

“Shit!” she gasped, her hips coming off the bed.

“Did I hurt ye?” I began to pull out, and her free leg was suddenly wrapped around my ass.

“Don’t stop,” she groaned. “Keep going.”

I was beginning to sweat, and for a split second I hoped I’d remembered to put on deodorant that morning. Then I cursed myself silently for acting like an idiot. Who the fuck cared what I smelled like? I was inside the love of my life—there was no room for anything else in my head.

I felt like a kid with his first woman as I thrust in and out of her, watching her face so I could relearn what she liked and what she didn’t. I wanted it to last forever. I never wanted to leave her body, but eventually whatever I was doing must have pushed her over the edge, because she went completely still beneath me and then shuddered over and over again.

I came only a few thrusts behind her, my arms shaking from holding myself above her, and my heart beating as if it was trying to escape my chest.

I fell beside her and pulled her against my chest, wrapping my arms and legs around her.

That’s when everything came back to me.

“You okay?” she asked as I went stiff.

“Fuck knows,” I answered honestly.

“You will be,” she assured me, laying her head against my shoulder.

Her hands soothed me as I thought about what the hell I was doing.

I hadn’t been able to focus on anything but getting to Amy, but I hadn’t thought of what I’d do when I’d actually reached her. I hadn’t planned on fucking her. It honestly hadn’t even crossed my mind during the long ride from Oregon. I’d just needed to be near her, however that played out. I’d needed the comfort of her presence, the assurance that she was still out there in the world, happy and healthy and whole.

“I’m a right bastard, aren’t I?” I sighed, kissing the side of her head.

“You’re not so bad,” she replied, running her fingers over my side. “Sometimes, the things we need don’t make sense to anyone else. That doesn’t mean that you’re wrong to need them.”

“Why did ye let me in?”

“Because you needed me.”

“Because I needed to fuck ye?” I asked harshly, immediately regretting my words. I was angry at myself, not her.

“No,” she answered seriously, leaning up to look at me. “Because you needed me. You could have fucked anyone. Don’t try to make this about something it wasn’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I. You’ve had a hard time of it,” her American accent had slipped a little since we’d began talking, and I couldn’t help the small sense of satisfaction it brought me. She was an American, she always had been, but occasionally I could hear Mum’s odd mix of Scottish and Irish in her voice.

“I’m not sure what to do now,” I confessed, reaching down to pull the sheet over us.

“You keep living and you take care of your girl.”

“What about ye? How can I—”

“Patrick, no,” she said, shaking her head. “We had our time, and I’d give anything to go back… but that’s not possible.”

“Of course it is.”

“No, no it’s not. I have a child. A son. And our life is here. Your life is with that club, and with your daughter.”

My chest began to ache in a way that I’d become familiar with. I didn’t want to hear what she was saying. I didn’t want to think about anything else but the fact that she was right there with me, in my arms for the first time in so long.

I interrupted her words with my mouth, and proceeded to distract her.

I knew it wouldn’t change anything, but I needed to stop thinking, if only for a little while.

I knew I’d be leaving the next morning without her.

I also knew I wouldn’t be welcome again.

Chapter 45

Amy

My hands were shaking as I watched out the window, waiting for Patrick to arrive.

I hated it. I hated that I was so anxious to see him, even though I had more important things to worry about. I hated that he was driving to the small, two-story house I’d saved and scrimped for until I could afford the down payment, but still looked as beaten down and weathered as it had three years ago when I’d been full of dreams to repaint the walls and refinish the floors. I hated that I’d made Nix go to his best friend’s house so he wouldn’t have to endure the same agony I was in.