I can’t run.

I can’t hide.

When the pain becomes too much to handle, I release my thumb and open my eyes. I focus on the imprints of my teeth and wait for them to fade and the color to return. When I’m satisfied and can breathe without pain, I muster the courage to look up, already aware that everyone’ll be watching me. “I’m sorry,” my grandmother says. “I guess I forgot.”

“It’s okay,” I whisper, and look over at Tommy. He hasn’t noticed a thing. But then I look at Josh, and that’s all I do. Because he’s watching me, his eyes dark and sad and worried and confused, all at once. He tries to smile, but it’s fake. I know, because I’ve watched him enough to know the difference. And I’ve seen enough of this particular smile to know what it means.

Fear.

5

-Joshua-

“So Tommy upset Kim yesterday,” Robby says, sitting down beside me on my makeshift bench during our lunch break.

“Shit. What did he do now?”

He laughed once. “Nothing like that. He told her he had a new best friend. Her name’s Becs and she’s prettier than Kim.”

“Is she upset because he has a new friend or because Becca’s prettier?”

“Is Becca real? I thought she was his imaginary friend…”

“Yes, she’s real,” I say through a chuckle. “It’s my landlord’s granddaughter. Have I not told you?”

“You mentioned something about her staying for a while, I didn’t know she was still there or that Tommy was hanging out with her. I know how you get with him spending time with strangers.”

“Yeah well…” I trail off.

“Anyway. Honestly, I think Kim’s more upset about the pretty part.”

“Yeah, she should be.”

“So it’s true then?”

“What is?” I ask, playing dumb, even though I can feel the heat creeping to my cheeks.

“That she’s prettier?”

“I mean…” I drop my gaze and focus on the dry wall dust covering my shoes. “Don’t get me wrong, Kim’s hot for her age and I still don’t know how you struck gold with her, but Becca—she’s something else completely.”

His eyes burn a hole in the side of my head, but I don’t look at him. After a long ass moment, he whistles, low and slow. “Holy shit, Joshy! Have you got a crush?” He pokes my side.

I punch his arm. “Fuck off!”

He returns my punch by stomping on my foot. “You do!”

“Fuck off!” I repeat, but I’m laughing this time. Because really? What else can I do? Even if I denied it he wouldn’t give a shit.

“Hey, boys!” he shouts to all the other workers. He stands up and cups both hands around his mouth. “Our little boy Joshua has finally hit puberty!”

“Fuck you,” I mumble, shaking my head as he walks away.

After a few steps, he turns to me. “So are you going to do anything about it?”

“No. What am I going to say? Hey… wanna get some food with my kid? You can watch him lick the boogers off his ice cream like I have to. It’ll be fun!” I say, the sarcasm in my tone unmistakable.

He stands with both his hands on his hips, his head cocked to the side and his eyes narrowed. “Or we could watch Tommy and you could take her out on a proper date. Or… are you afraid?”

“Fire truck yeah, I’m afraid. You’ve seen me in social situations, right? I mean, you were there at Michael’s bachelor party when I told the stripper her tits were perfect for breastfeeding.”

“Thanks for getting us kicked out of that club, by the way,” Michael says, patting my shoulders as he walks behind me. “Fucking creeper.”

“See?” I tell Robby.

He shakes his head and sighs heavily. “At some point you’re going to want to move on and find someone.”

“And I will,” I assure him. “Once Tommy’s in college.”

He laughs. “Anyway, Kim asked if we can have Tommy overnight?”

“Sure.”

“You’re done here, by the way. There should still be enough light left in the day for you to get some skating in, right?”

★★★

I get in my truck without a second’s hesitation and rush home to shower and change. People get excited and anxious for a lot of reasons: money, power, food, sex (it’s been so long, I don’t think my memory of the sensation of sex can even qualify as a legitimate memory anymore). For me—it’s skating.

The last few days had been quiet on the site so I got to leave early, which meant skate time with Tommy in the driveway. He’s good for an almost three-year-old but he loses interest and gets distracted real quick.

I’d seen Becca watching a few times from her window hoping she’d make an appearance like that day when she brought us drinks.

She never did.

So you can imagine my surprise when I pull into the driveway and see her standing there, one foot on Tommy’s skateboard, the other on the ground, and her hands out by her sides.

-Becca-

safe

seɪf/

adjective
protected from or not exposed to danger or risk; not likely to be harmed or lost.

“Shit!”

I drop my arms and jump off the board, my gaze anywhere but on him. His car door opens and my panic sets in so I do the only thing I can think to do.

I run.