Her words crush every ounce of hope I’d wished for. Every ounce of dignity I had left.

“And then I went out to the garage and saw a jar on the floor, like the ones she used when she wrote those letters to Jeremy.”

Riley’s chair scrapes against the floor as she stands quickly. “No!” I look over at her, her eyes frantic.

Holly continues, “I didn’t think anything of it at first, but I’m a mother and I care about her. So I picked it up and I read it. I won’t apologize for doing it.”

“Mom,” Riley cries, her hands covering her face. “Please don’t!”

Dad’s on the other side of the bed, his hand on my chest to stop me from moving.

I won’t move.

I can’t.

Holly reaches into her purse, pulling out a folded piece of paper before handing it to me.

My fingers shake as I unfold it, unaware of the devastation it’s about to cause.

To me.

To her.

To everyone around us.

To the lives we’d built and the promises we’d created.

Riley’s watching me, tears flowing fast and free. She’s shaking her head and I don’t know why. Not until I read her words—words written from the hate I created.

Dylan.

I love you.

I miss you.

You left me last night. I checked your online bank statement and there was a payment listed for a hotel ten minutes away. I called the hotel. They said it was charged for two nights. It’s strange—when you’re not with me, I feel the longing swelling in my chest, but when you are with me… I can feel your presence crushing my heart.

I figured you booked a hotel because you hate me and you couldn’t stand to be around me.

That, or you’re cheating on me.

And right now, I don’t know which is worse.

I read the letter over and over, focusing on each and every word until Riley’s loud sob pulls my focus away from the letter and up at her. “I didn’t mean it,” she cries, her hand back on mine. “Please, baby, you have to believe me.”

“Dylan,” Dad says, and I don’t need to see him to feel his disappointment.

“So,” Holly says, standing up. She looks between Riley and I. “Is any of it a lie?”

I drop my gaze, folding the letter before placing it under my pillow. “I’m not cheating on her, Holly. I would never do that.”

“See?” Riley shouts.

Her mom ignores her. “But you hate her?”

“No.” I shake my head, my eyes drifting shut. “I wanted her to hate me.”

“Why?”

The force of my tears cause my eyes to open. I don’t look at Riley. I look at her. “Because I was hurting your daughter. And I wanted her to leave me.”

Holly’s brow furrows in concentration, or maybe confusion. “Can you give us a minute, Riley?”

“No!” Riley shouts, her hand holding mine so tight it begins to hurt.

Dad moves around the bed and carefully pries Riley’s fingers from my hand. He grasps her shoulders. “Come on, sweetheart,” he says, guiding her to the door.

She looks over her shoulder at me. “I didn’t mean it, Dylan!”

Holly waits until she’s out of the room and the door is closed before looking back at me. I keep my eyes on hers, because I deserve to see the sadness, the anger, the disappointment. After a while, she leans down and presses her lips to my forehead. When she pulls back, she’s smiling—a sweet, sad, pathetic smile. “I love you, Dylan. I love you for everything you’ve done for my daughter. I love that you loved her when she’d given up on love, and I love that you saw her when I was blind. I gave you my blessing and you broke her heart.” She takes a breath, her tears matching mine. “You created a fine line between honor and betrayal, Dylan. And you walked with a foot on either side. I’ll be taking her home with me. So, I guess, in the end you got what you wanted.”

There are now two sounds I’ll never forget. The gunshot that took Davey’s life, and Riley’s screams at her mother, begging her to let her stay, yelling that she was wrong—that she didn’t mean what she said in the letter. But the worst… the worst is when she cried, long and loud—She loves me. She’ll always love me.

Forty-Nine

Dylan

Dad goes back to work.

Eric shows up less and less.

They assure me it has nothing to do with the DUI.

I don’t believe them.

The guys come by.

So do the girls.

Only Sydney’s a regular and that’s because she works here.

She zips up the bag that Eric brought when he still gave a shit about me. “You ready to get out of here?”

I’ve been stuck in the same room for over two weeks. I’m well and truly ready to get out of here. When I tell her that, she spins me in the wheelchair until I’m facing the door. Two bodies dressed in black appear in the doorway, dropping to the floor as soon as I see them. They both look up, and even though they’re wearing black beanies pulled low on their brows, their faces covered in war paint, I can still tell it’s Logan and Jake.

Logan holds his wrist to his mouth as they slowly army crawl toward me. “All clear for Operation Banks Robbery. Target identified. Do you copy, Juliett Alfa?”

Jake does the same with his wrist as they continue crawling toward me. “Roger that, Lima Mike. Shit!” He looks up at Sydney standing behind me. “Target compromised.”