I rubbed my own eyes. It made sense now—why she was the way she was, and how she chose to cope with it. "I'm so sorry, Heidi. I had no idea."

She shook her head, frantically wiping at her cheeks. "No one knows. You can't tell anyone."

"I won't. Swear it."

She inhaled deeply, and let it out in a whoosh. "I know it doesn't make sense to you, but that's why . . . I just wanted someone to blame. And you—you were there. I mean, he told you when he was thinking about joining . . . he never even mentioned it to me. I get that we had issues, but nothing worth breaking up over. But he told you. And I don't know. It just felt like you could've been the one to talk him out of it. I know it's stupid, and there's no way you could have known . . ."

"I get it, though. I understand what you're saying."

"I guess I just got mad at you, and angry, because Logan came back, and you guys are together—and I'm happy for you, I really am. But I'm jealous as all hell because I want that. I want Dylan to come back and declare his love for me, you know?"

I'd started crying too. I couldn't even imagine what she'd had gone through. And she was right; Logan was back, he was here, and we were together.

She sniffed once. "I just needed someone to blame because there had to be a reason for it all, and I'm so sorry that I made you that reason. It's not fair."

"It's okay," I said truthfully. "Honestly, I get it. You're not bad people."

She nodded. We both tried to sniff back our emotions.

"Are you going to tell him, Heidi?"

She shrugged. "What good will it do?"

"I don't know. I just think he has the right to know."

She turned to face me. Our eyes locked for the longest time. "When did you get your tattoos?"

I gazed down at my wrists. "His birthday—the night it happened."

She gave me sympathetic look. "Did he know you had them?"

I shook my head.

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"Because it wouldn't bring him back."

"Exactly."

34

Amanda

"Did he tell you a bunch of embarrassing stuff about me as a kid? Is that what you guys did all the time?"

"Yes," I deadpanned. "In fact that's all we did. He even told me about how you can rap Vanilla Ice, word for word."

He glanced at me quickly, his eyes huge. "He did not."

I let out a laugh. "He didn't. But your reaction just told me you totally can."

"Shut up." He tried to push me away from him.

We were in his truck, on the way to his dad's house. I'd been sitting under his arm with my hand under his shirt, playing with his abs the entire drive. The stuff that had happened last night—and today with Heidi—was emotionally draining. I was so glad we got through it quickly, and that things were back to normal.

I picked up his iPod from its holder on the dash and went through his playlist.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Finding the track I wanted, I hit cue. I watched him with a smart-ass smirk on my face, and waited for the current track to finish. When it did, and "Ice Ice Baby" started, he narrowed his eyes at me. "I don't know the words," he declared.

And right on cue, he started, "All right, stop. . ."

My laugh was as loud as the stereo. He bit his lip, trying to contain his own guffaw. "Fuck it," he announced. He turned the stereo up and made a show of knowing all the words, and throwing Vanilla Ice-style fingers in the air. He was so damn beautiful in his happy, carefree state. My chest tightened as I watched him. This boy could've turned out either way, but he chose his life. He made his own decisions. He let the past stay in the past, and he made his own future—one that I hoped to be a part of forever.

He turned to me now, his dimples deepening. "What's up?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

Placing a kiss on my cheek, he asked, "Sure?" He rested his hand on my leg.

"Yeah, I just love you a lot. That's all."

He curled his arm around my shoulders, bringing me closer to him and kissing my temple. "That's not all," he said quietly. "That's everything."

***

He told me to wait while he got out and opened my car door for me.

"You don't have to open doors for me," I said, taking his hand as he helped me step out.

He shrugged. "You're my girl." Keeping my hand in his, he led me to the front of his truck and quickly turned to me. "And just so you know, I love you, too."

I beamed up at him and curled my arm around his neck, bringing his lips down to meet mine. He flattened his hand on the small of my back, deepening the kiss and pushing me until my back hit his truck. My hands fisted in his shirt, trying to hold onto something. His kisses made me weak. Not just at the knees, but in my head and in my heart. He pushed me further, until my back was on his hood and he was above me. His hand went under my shirt, gripping my waist lightly.

"Ahem."

We pulled apart instantly, and looked up at his dad. His arms were crossed over his chest; they lifted slightly with his chuckle. "Well, this is déjà vu," he stated.

We smiled at each other.

It really was.

***

"Baby, you don't need a YouTube video to show you how to cut peppers. I'll show you."