"I'm sorry," her voice came from next to me. "I didn't mean to interrupt." She sat back down on her chair and placed her phone on the table, and then settled her hand on my leg.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah . . ." She seemed deep in thought.

I linked my fingers with hers and squeezed once. "What's going on?"

She turned to me now, with the same faraway expression as before. "That was Ethan," she said.

I already knew that. "Okay?"

"He, um, he found someone to take over my room." She chewed her lip, her eyes searching for a reaction.

It was instant—this stupid grin that completely took over my face.

Her own smile widened. "So, you still want me to move in?"

"What the hell kind of a question is that? You know I do." Letting go of her hand, I pulled out my phone and started typing notes. "You know what we should do? Split the spare room in half, and we can set up a desk on each side, so I'll have all my stuff on one side, and you can have all your girly Hello Kitty shit on the other. I should buy some more towels." I glanced up at her quickly. "You know, the fluffy ones you like. Oh, and Gummy Bears, we need to fill the house with those. I found this place online that sells them by the color—"

Her laugh cut me off. "Babe, there's no rush. I'm not moving in tomorrow."

My eyes narrowed. "What? Why not?"

"Oh." Her eyes widened. "I mean, I can if you want me to, but we need to discuss this properly. You kind of just said it in passing, and I wasn't sure if you were serious, but I told Ethan anyway—"

"Of course I was serious. What's there to discuss? It's not like we're not together all the time anyway."

She sighed. "It's different though. We need to talk about how much rent I'm going to pay and—"

"No," Dad cut in. I was so overwhelmed with her news that I'd forgotten he was even there. "I've covered his apartment for a year, and you will not be putting a cent towards it. Or anything else you need to move in. Logan will cover it all."

Amanda's voice was quiet. "I can't accept that, you need to let me pay—"

"No," he said with finality. "Besides, you need to save your money for my grandchildren." He stood up, his chair scratching against the floor as he did. Amanda and I gaped at each other, before turning to him. "That one . . ." He pointed his finger between the both of us. "I said just to mess with you."

35

A month later

Logan

She said she’d wanted to talk about something important and to meet her on the rooftop when I got done at the cages with boys. She spun around from looking out over the edge when she heard the door open.

"So, what's up?" I asked after greeting her with a kiss, or eleventy-three of them.

"I think this is a sit-down kind of conversation."

I led us to the outdoor sofa and sat down. Whatever it was, it had to be serious. "What's going on? You're kind of making me anxious here."

Her eyes darted quickly to my hands. They weren't shaking, yet.

I sighed, and pulled on her shirt until she was sitting next to me. "Whatever it is, just tell me. Is it about moving in? Did you not want to?" My chest ached. "If you think it was too soon then that's fine, we can work out something else. I just want to be with you, Amanda. If—"

"Stop. That's not what this is." She blew out a breath and closed her eyes, as if building the courage to speak. I was beyond anxious now, but I tried my hardest not to let it show. "I just don't want you to be mad at me, and all of this started before you came back—"

"Why would I be mad?"

She looked away from me before speaking, "Because I want to go see your birth dad."

And there it was—the trembling in my hand.

I cursed under my breath.

She kneeled down in front of me and took my hand in hers, but didn't kiss my palm. She'd stopped doing that weeks ago. "It's okay, baby," she assured me. She made sure I was looking at her when she said the words, "Just focus." It's this thing she'd been trying to get me to do since Dad lowered the dosage on the Xanax. She was trying to get me to control it without the help of meds. "Just focus," she said again. So I closed my eyes and did what she said. She told me to keep a memory—a moment— in my mind, for this purpose alone, where I could think about it and feel all the emotions from that single moment in my life.

I chose her; she didn't know it, though. It was the moment she’d told me she loved me for the first time—and not just in my dreams. Her face had been so close to mine, and she had that genuine, effortless smile I loved so much. "I love you so much, Logan," she said.

I thought it was in my head, but when I opened my eyes, she had a knowing look on her face. Maybe she did know it was her I was thinking of. Or maybe she just said it to say it. We did that a lot—reminded each other of how we felt, took things slow so we could remember them. They’d become our moments. Part of our life. I felt her palm flat against my chest. "See, you're all better."

I sucked in a breath and tried to remain composed. I pulled her up until she was sitting on my lap. "So, you've wanted to visit him for a while?"

"Yeah," she said quietly, facing the ground. I tilted her chin up so I could see her face.