“There’s nothing left for me here,” I say quietly. I look at Jake sitting next to me, and put my hand on his leg under the table, his hand finds mine. “Well, there’s one thing, but I don’t know that it’s enough.” My voice ends in a whisper and I look down to my plate.

Silence fills the room and when I look up, they’re all frowning at me, Julie too. Aunt Lisa is wiping away tears, Jake's hands get tighter around mine.

Nathan clears his throat, all eyes snap to him.

“Listen, Mikayla…” He looks at me, really looks at me and I can see the pity in his eyes. “You are going to stay here…” I open my mouth to interrupt him but he raises his hand to stop me and I let him continue. “You are going to stay here until you leave for college.” It’s a statement. I can see from the corner of my eye that Mandy is smiling at her husband with a new found appreciation, she didn’t know this was coming.

“I can’t stay here…” I whisper, looking down at my plate. “I can’t stay here for nothing, at least let me get a job so I can pay board, or something…”.

“Mikayla…” Nathan says while shaking his head. He sighs, almost looking defeated. “I have thought about this, and from the few days I’ve known you, I can tell you’re not just going to accept this offer. So, you will help me out at the office two days a week, I need an admin assistant, someone that can file, organize and type, basically all the things I hate doing. Do you think you can do that?”

I nod.

“Good, then it’s settled. I’ll pay you for your time like any other employee, but it’s not to go towards board, you save that money.” I try to interrupt him again, but he stops me. “You save that money for college, Mikayla. We would however, appreciate it if you can help Mandy around the house. She has a lot of things to organize before Jake leaves for college. You will also need to be Julie’s personal taxi - God knows she needs one for the summer. You will take Mandy's minivan, she will take my car and I will finally get to use the company car I bought that’s sitting in the office’s garage collecting dust.” I just keep staring at him stunned. “In a few weeks we will all sit down and discuss how this arrangement is working out, understood?” he cocks his head to the side, waiting for my answer.

I look around the table. Lisa and Mandy are staring at Nathan in awe, Julie has her hands clasped underneath her chin, like she’s begging me to say yes, like I could say anything else. Then I look at Jake and he has the biggest, goofiest, shit eating grin on his face.

“Yes, sir, understood.”

The whole table erupts in claps and cheers and I find myself missing my family.

But it hurts less today then it did yesterday.

Because being here, being with them, it’s familiar in a good way.

And I think for just a second, that maybe my heart can learn to love again.

Chapter 16

*Jake*

We skip the formalities of the funeral ceremony. I think Mom and Lisa understood that Kayla just wanted a quiet affair. We drive in my truck to the cemetery, everyone else is in the minivan behind us.

She’s sitting in the middle of the seat, her body tucked into mine, like she can’t get close enough. I don’t mind, not even a little.

When we pull up, I’m surprised at how many people are already there, but then I remember, that this is her entire family.

I step out of the car and she follows me, coming out the drivers side door. I hold out my hand to help her out, she doesn’t let go once she’s out.

She’s wearing sunglasses and a simple black dress that Heidi bought over that morning, girl thinks of everything.

We wait for my parents to park behind us and Julie runs out of the car and straight to a bunch of other girls her age. They must be from dance class, they must be here for Emily.

I see that asshole, James, and some other kids our age grouped together. They look up when they notice Kayla’s here. James starts to walk towards us but one of the guys pulls him back and talks close to his ear. Good move. I can see his fists balling at his sides as he glares at us.

Lisa moves to the other side of Kayla and holds her hand as we walk up to the plots. I’d say there are over 150 people here, grown ups Mom and Dad’s age, some older, kids Emily and Julie's age. It’s like an entire class and their parents have shown up, more kids our age are scattered through the people. Kayla doesn’t look up from the ground. She hasn’t said anything all day. She hasn’t acknowledged anyone. She hasn’t let go of my hand.

When we make it to our seats, in front of the three caskets, she begins to shake with sobs and I pull her into me. That’s when I see a bunch of kids, no older than ten, lined up at the front row, all in full little league gear, some of them holding balls and gloves.

I look at the large photos of her family set up in front of the caskets, it’s the first time I’ve seen her family. I didn’t even wonder about what they looked like before. Her mom is stunning, she could pass as her sister, but more Asian. I knew there was an exoticness to her but I didn’t ask. Julie was right, Emily definitely is a younger version of her, she would have broken many hearts. Her dad is taller, compared to her mom, in the family portrait anyway. I wonder how tall he was. I keep looking at the collage of photos. There’s even one of the whole family and that asshole James, eating on a picnic table laughing. I think it’s the 4th of July or something. There’s a photo of her dad, front and centre with a bunch of kids around him, all decked out in baseball gear. He’s holding one of the boys in his arms, the boy is holding a trophy, huge smiles on all the kids faces. The kind of smiles that only kids can have, because nothing is ever going to be hard, and they haven’t yet experienced pain or heartbreak.