“Apparently the guy never gave Sunny an orgasm. Not once.”

Violet gasps. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope.” Clearly I’m not alone in thinking that’s poor boyfriend form. The first thing a guy should do is figure out what gets the girl off, especially if he wants a repeat.

“If that’s true, it really is terrible.”

“What do you mean, ‘if it’s true’?”

“You’re sure Sunny didn’t tell you that to boost your ego?”

“Why would she do that?”

“To make you feel good about yourself?”

“Do girls really do that?” I can’t imagine lying about not having orgasms, and Sunny isn’t much for dishonesty. That’s more my area. And I usually just leave out details so they can draw their own conclusions.

“I don’t know. Sometimes? Maybe. I’ve lied to Alex about . . . never mind.”

“You can’t not tell me.”

“You don’t want me to finish that sentence, Buck. I promise it won’t make a difference to this conversation, other than causing irreparable emotional damage.”

“I highly doubt that. What have you lied to him about? Sex stuff? Orgasms? About never having one before?” I try not to think about the two of them together in the locker room last spring.

Vi barks out a laugh. “Hardly. I’m like a coming machine. I can have, like, eighteen orgasms in a row. It’s awesome.”

Girls don’t realize how good they have it. Unless I learn Tantra, I’m good for a max of six a day, and that’s spread out over a twenty-four-hour period. “So if you didn’t lie about orgasms, what did you lie about?”

“You’re sure you want to know?”

Vi has a tendency to overshare and say exactly what’s on her mind at any given time. If she’s censored herself, it has to be bad, which makes me want to know even more. “I’m sure.”

“Once I lied about my level of leakiness.”

“Leakiness?”

“Leakiness.”

“What does that even mean?” I regret the question as soon as I ask it.

“How wet I get.”

I gag. “Shit, Vi. I didn’t need that information.”

“I told you you didn’t want to know, but you wouldn’t listen. It’s not my fault I’m a naturally lubey person.”

“Okay. Enough. I don’t want to hear any more. Sunny wouldn’t lie about her lack of orgasms. She looked way surprised every time I gave her one.”

“Maybe that’s her O face.”

I might agree if Sunny’s reaction to me going down on her had been different. “I also gave her first orgasm by mouth and her first sex-gasm, so there’s my hat trick. It totally kicks Waters’ fake hat trick’s ass, right?”

Once, a long time ago, a rumor circulated that Waters had slept with three different chicks in one night. It wasn’t true, but it caused a shitload of issues for him when Vi found out about it. Eventually he set things straight, and it ended up being a prime example of how the media can twist information.

“You do realize you called to brag about bagging my fiancé’s sister, right? Super classy, Buck. Who else have you told?”

“No one. I called you because I can’t tell anyone else. And I didn’t bag her; we had sex. Lots of it. All over the damn house. Believe me, if I could talk to anyone other than you, I would, but I can’t. So fuck you, Vi. I’m oversharing. You do it all the time.”

She sighs. “I guess you have a point, and I’d rather you tell me than one of your hockey buddies. Those guys have big mouths. So obviously Sunny forgave you for being relationship-challenged.”

“Yeah. She got over it.” That’s not one-hundred-percent truth, though, considering where she is right now versus where I’d like her to be.

“That’s good. I’m glad. So I’m taking it your weekend’s been good?” Crunching follows.

It could be cereal. Or chips. I’m hungry. “It was up until an hour ago.”

“What happened?” She doesn’t immediately throw the blame at me.

“So you know how all those bunny pictures got me into trouble in the first place.”

“I’m familiar, yes.”

Vi’s disapproval is obvious from her tone. I’m glad this is a phone conversation. “Well, I guess Lily, Sunny’s bitchy bestie, found out about them—”

“That shouldn’t be a surprise.”

“Yeah, well, Lily doesn’t like me much. She convinced Sunny to go on a camping trip way up north, like, super far away. They left right before I called you.”

“You have to go to Muskoka today anyway, don’t you?” There’s more crunching. My stomach growls. That cinnamon bun didn’t cut it, no matter how delicious it was.

“Yeah, but I would’ve had the entire day with her. Plus it’s not just Lily and Sunny going. Lily’s boyfriend is coming and so is his bearded hipster-twin, Kale.”

“I think bearded hipster is redundant. Don’t all hipsters have beards?” Vi snickers. “Wait. Kale? Why is that name familiar?”

“Because it’s a vegetable?”

“Maybe. Does he spell it with a K or C?”

“Who cares what he spells it with? He’s ultra granola with crunchy green turds in it. And he dated Sunny in high school. And now they’re camping together this whole week.”