When she’s done making him wish he could sink into the ground, she drags him over to me and Randy. Michael stuffs his hands in his pockets and mumbles an introduction. His mom cries even harder and hugs me, thanking me for giving him this opportunity.

They’re a great family, and they look like they’re managing, for now. I don’t know if that will change with Michael’s treatment. He’s a kid. He could need full-time care for months, which would mean someone staying home instead of working. I need to find out if that’s going to be an issue. I get their information so I can keep in touch. I know exactly how I want to move forward now with the fundraiser. If Vi and Amber want some positive media coverage, they’re gonna get it.

Once all the kids are gone, I throw my bags in the back of the rental and check my messages. I hope Sunny’s gotten back to me; otherwise it’s going to be a challenge finding her out in the middle of butt fuck nowhere, Canada. I have five new messages from her, all of them sent within the last hour.

The first one makes no sense:

Rsodfld fluck bod

The next one is super clear.

Don't come 2 Chapleau

It’s a kick in the already achy balls until I read on.

We r at Alexs cottage. Let me no when ur cuming

She links directions. The final message makes me wonder how much of last night’s conversation she remembers. I don’t need text-to-speech to get it.

Cnt wait 2cu

I don’t send a message back. I want to see her, but I’m still not happy about last night, or all the pictures this week. Her lack of communication might not be her fault, but the rest of it is up in the air.

They can’t have been there long since last night at midnight they were at a bar, and it’s only two in the afternoon. Looks like Waters’ cottage is only about a forty-five-minute drive from camp. I have to wait for Randy to finish consoling his girl of the week before we can go. She’s a puffy-eyed mess as he hugs her goodbye. She goes in for a kiss, but he pulls the forehead move. Oh yeah, he’s done with this one for sure. He has to pry her off him to get in the car.

Once we’re on the road, he lowers the window and heaves a sigh of relief.

“Made a bad choice with that one, huh?”

“I can’t even tell you. She was up for anything, though. Speaking of getting it up, how’re your balls?”

“Don’t you worry about my balls. Worry about your own. I hope the Internet stalking is worth the contortionist tricks.”

“I’ve already blocked her.” He’s not smiling, so I know it’s not a joke.

I shake my head and bite my tongue. I was as bad less than four months ago, so I can’t say anything.

“Thanks for posting the picture of my balls, by the way. I told you not to. It caused me an assload of problems with Sunny last night.”

“What? But your face wasn’t even in the picture. How could she know it was you?”

“Because you posted it using your own damn name.”

“Oh shit. But it could’ve been anyone’s balls. How did she trace them back to you?”

“It wasn’t just Sunny. Bunnies galore, which is the bigger problem. That other picture you took at the clinic went up on your feed. Sunny’s Doppelganger posted it every damn place, and my shorts are the same in both pics, obviously. That’s how Violet knew it was me, and everyone else too.”

“I’m sorry, man.” Randy looks horrified. “Is Waters shitting a brick? Do you need me to talk to him? Explain what happened? I’ll talk to Sunny for you.”

He means it. Which is why I can’t stay mad at him for long. He wouldn’t have posted the picture if he’d known it was going to mess things up.

“What’s done is done,” I tell him, checking the GPS to make sure we’re still on track. “So there’s a change of plans. I’m not going to Chapleau anymore.”

“I messed things up that bad for you?”

“Sunny’s at her brother’s cottage, not all the way in BF Nowhere, so that saves me seven hours of driving.”

“So what’s the deal? You still gonna drop me at the hotel?” He checks the time. “I should be able to check in. I’ve gotta kick around until tomorrow for that charity car wash I’m supposed to go to.”

“Cancel the reservation; you don’t need it. Waters’ cottage isn’t all that far from here. You can come with me, but that means dealing with Lily and the khaki twins.”

“I’m in. I’m looking forward to the entertainment. Will you come with me tomorrow afternoon now? We could wash this kickass rental.”

“I should be able to. I want to talk to the guy who runs it. After this week I want to get started on that project I’ve been talking about.” Other than Vi, my dad, and my PA, Randy’s the only person I’ve talked to about setting up a fundraiser.

Randy pats me on the shoulder. “I think that’s a great plan. Whatever help you want, I’m in.”

***

We make a quick stop on the way to Waters’ cottage in a tiny town called Bracebridge. The only store I can find is Walmart. I pick up a six-pack of briefs. They’re red. I’m not a big fan of wearing them, but they do a good job of containing my boys and reducing the friction like Nurse Debbie said they would. The swelling has gone down since this morning. I’ve got small apples instead of grapefruits.

In under an hour, we’re there. Waters’ cottage isn’t really a cottage. It’s two stories of stained cedar and massive windows with a wraparound deck. The landscaping is better than at my parents’. Huge pines and birch trees rise up around the house, sheltering it from the neighbors. The camping trailer is parked in front of a three-car garage. There’s music coming from inside. I take a peek in one of the windows. Lily’s boyfriend is passed out. He’s shirtless. And Violet thinks I’m hairy. I’ve got nothing on this guy. He has tufts on his shoulders.