“That’s scary. Getting used to sucking.”

“Well, it’s not the sucking that’s scary. It’s the swallowing that’s the real bitch,” Ryan grinned as he walked up to our conversation. “What’s going on, hookers?” He pulled up a chair to our table and took some of my fries.

I turned to see Daniel sitting at the table in the middle of the lunchroom. Of course he would be on lunch duty. I rolled my eyes as my shoulders slumped, and I shoved more fries into my mouth.

“Whoa, slow down, Chicago. Or else you’ll pick up the Wisconsin fifteen,” Ryan said, sliding my tray away from me. He then proceeded to eat more of my fries.

Ryan and Hailey were definitely siblings—their brown wavy hair and blue eyes were a dead giveaway—but they were pretty much the complete opposite of one another. Hailey was quiet and reserved. Ryan was a freaking monkey, in the best possible ways.

“I broke up with Tony.” He pouted for a second, looking truly pained, before turning to the lunch lady a few feet away from us. “Are all the nachos gone?! Rwanda baby! I told you to save me nachos! Geez! It’s so hard to live in a world like this.” His head dramatically slammed against the table, which he followed up with sounds of his fake cries.

“You broke up with Tony? I thought you liked Tony!” Hailey exclaimed, confused by her brother’s sudden change of heart.

I was trying to deal with the sudden fact that Ryan liked boys. Unless Tony was actually Toni—which could be short for Antonia, Catriona, Antonina, Antonietta...

“Oh, I did. I liked him fine. But then the as**ole had to go and f**k that up by saying he loved me. I mean, can you believe that? Loved me. How over the top and dramatic can one person get? I mean, hell. Lust at seventeen, sure. Sex buddies at eighteen, shit yeah. But love? Love doesn’t enter anyone’s life until you turn forty-two, add fifty pounds to your body, and start complaining about the younger generations. Once someone can put up with your forty-two-year-old annoying ass and nasty farts, you know that’s real love.” He paused. “Hot pockets, Rwanda baby? Anything?” Ryan shouted, and Rwanda looked terrified for letting him down. Ryan’s shoulders sank and he threw a balled-up napkin at the poor worker behind the counter. “Oh, plus, I slept with Tony and for some reason Tony got all weird about that.”

Wait—so there were two Tonys? It was hard to keep up with Ryan’s mind.

Hailey shook her head toward her brother, but I didn’t think she was shocked at all. “Keep it in your pants, Ryan.”

His hand flew to his chest and his eyes narrowed in fright. “Why the hell would I do that when others are so kindly inviting me into theirs? Plus, the idea of collecting spider webs down there like my sissy isn’t very pleasing.”

I giggled at that. I liked how Ryan was so dirty in all the right ways. Hailey’s cheeks turned pink, and she shoved me, “What are you laughing at? I doubt your va-jay-jay is getting any more action than mine.”

I opened my mouth to object, but I shut it quickly. Well, she wasn’t wrong.

Ryan groaned. “Hails, don’t say va-jay-jay. It’s a vagina. It’s also where some guys like to put their penis—which, for the life of me, I cannot understand, but whatever. We aren’t twelve anymore.”

She blushed even more. “I know that…”

“Prove it. Penis-vagina game, happening right now.” He challenged her, slamming his fist against the table, and she rolled her eyes. I didn’t know why, but I got the idea that this was a normal interaction between the siblings, and I sat back, watching it take place.

Hailey saw her brother pushing her, and she accepted, even though she would probably lose. Ryan explained to me that the penis-vagina game had been played by the pair in many settings. It started at a whisper—Ryan saying penis, Hailey muttering vagina—and it built up until ultimately someone screamed the word or until someone chickened out.

“Penis,” Ryan whispered, his brown eyes stuck on his sister.

“Vagina,” Hailey sang sweetly, showing that she could in fact say the word.

“Penis,” he hissed, growing louder.

I watched Hailey’s body tighten up as she glanced around the room, eyeing how many people were here.

“Vagina,” she said a hair louder than the last.

This continued until the next stage was the screaming.

“PENIS PENIS PENIS!” Ryan stood up and screamed, flailing his arms above his hands victoriously, because the shade of Hailey’s face told him that there was no way she was going to challenge that.

“Ryan!” Daniel shot him a stern look.

Ryan winked in return. He fell back into his chair, pleased by the attention he grabbed. I leaned back in my chair, nervous that Daniel was looking our way.

“You’re such an asshole, Ryan,” Hailey muttered, crossing her arms in a hissy fit.

“You love me, youngin’,” he said, rubbing his hand on the top of her head, giving her a slight reminder that he was older than she was.

I was still confused. “So…you’re gay?”

The two paused and looked my way. I shifted around from the uncomfortable glares they were giving me. Hailey cleared her throat. “We don’t use labels at this table, Ashlyn.”

“Yeah. How would you like it if we called you straight? Or white? Or a bookworm? Or watermelon?”Ryan said, snatching up some more fries.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—” I stuttered, feeling guilty for having said the wrong thing.

“It’s okay. We don’t apologize at this table either. Because we know harm is never the intent.” Hailey smiled, picked up all of her fries from her tray, and placed them on mine.

“So…can I ask another question?” I said warily.

Ryan shoved me in the shoulder. “Go for it.”

“Tony got mad at you because you slept with Tony?”

They both laughed at me, and Ryan snatched up the fries Hailey had given me. Note to self: Don’t sit next to Ryan.

“Tony is the name I give to all of the guys I date. Most of them aren’t really comfortable with the world of Edgewood knowing what we do…and I’m not looking to out anyone. Besides, I’m not even out.”

Hailey jumped in to explain. “Our mom is kind of—”

“Close-minded,” Ryan said, finishing her thought. “She comes from a pretty religious background, and being gay? Not really high on her list of family blessings. She doesn’t even know that Hailey—”

“Studies Buddhism.” Hailey smiled, finishing Ryan’s thought now. I wondered how often they did that without even knowing it. “She thinks my painted ceiling is so I can be closer to God.”

“You two are pretty complicated.” I paused. “So you’re not a womanizer.”

“A manizer,” Ryan smirked. “I told you. They tag you as something you’re not. I was tagged as a guy who liked vaginas. Gross, right?”

I chuckled. “So how many Tonys are there?”

“If I tell you, you’ll think I’m a slut.” Ryan grinned.

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll think you’re a bigger slut.” I grabbed some fries from his tray and shoved them into my mouth. He looked at me with narrowed eyes and then turned to his sister.

“I like this girl.”

Hailey smiled and crossed her arms as she leaned back in her chair. “Yeah, me too.”

“Going to get more food. Be back soon.” Ryan stood from his chair. He didn’t go to the lunch line though. He went table to table where people greeted him with hugs and high-fives. From the looks of it, everyone liked Ryan, and I could completely understand why.

Hailey frowned as she watched her brother leave the table. “Don’t let his loud, silly personality fool you. He’s a lot more sensitive then he puts on. And I doubt he cheated on Tony.”

“Why do you say that?”

She shrugged. “Because I’d never seen two people who loved each other so quietly.”

I didn’t know what she meant by that. But I figured over time she would explain it more. “What about you Hailey? What were you tagged as?” I asked.

“Oh, a girl who has a weird infatuation with her brother.” She paused and rolled her eyes. “Two years ago, when I was a freshman, I was super overweight, awkward, and had no friends really. I ate alone in the cafeteria every day. Until Ryan ditched his friends and joined me.”

Well…that was the nicest thing I’d ever heard. Maybe I would start to crush on Ryan—I had a way of going for unavailable men.

“And then I made some new friends, got a boyfriend. But eating with Ryan just felt safe… I don’t know what I’m going to do next year after he graduates.”

When Ryan returned, his entire being was different. His hands formed fists and he slammed them against the table. “Is that Lia over there, Hailey?”

Her lips hardened as she looked across the lunchroom and stared at someone. I followed her stare. Our eyes landed on a guy with shaggy hair who had his hands all over another girl. Kisses on the neck, kisses on the lips—all kinds of public groping.

Hailey nodded, her eyes watering over. “Yes.”

“Who’s Lia?” She looked familiar to me, yet I wasn’t sure how.

“My, um, best friend.” Hailey released one tear and wiped it away fast as we all watched Lia’s head fall backwards from something the guy had whispered against her ear.

“I’m going to kill him,” Ryan muttered, stepping away from the table. The veins in his neck started to pop out the more he came to realize what was happening. I was still trying to catch up. Hailey reached for her brother’s arm and stopped him.

“No, Ryan,” she ordered. “You know he’ll out you.”

“I don’t care,” he said, his anger clouding his judgment.

“Well, I do,” Hailey commanded, making him sit back down.

“Who is that?” I asked.

Hailey sighed. “My boyfriend, Theo. And my best friend, who he cheated on me with.”

That’s how I knew both of them. They were each sitting in framed pictures next to Hailey’s bed. I replayed her words in my mind. Assholes. “When did you find out?”

“About…two seconds ago.”

In a flash of revelation, I saw what Lia was—a girl who had no respect for the term ‘friendship.’ There were rules that came with being a friend, right? They were pretty much the same rules that came with being a twin. Like always hate the guy who broke your best friend’s heart. Always back up your friend in public, even if they were wrong. And never date your best friend’s boyfriend. Lia wasn’t a best friend—she was a snake waiting to slither her way in between Hailey’s relationship.

I hated her and the boy already.

My eyes traveled over to Daniel, who was staring at me. My heart leaped.

Did I mention how I hated that Daniel was still ignoring me? And I hated how he cared more about Henry being the assistant principal than he did about my feelings? And how he wouldn’t talk to me, but he felt bad for me because I was being bullied?

And did I mention how much I hated being bullied because of my body—which I’d had no choice in creating? I hated watermelons. I hated that I wasn’t invisible to the bullies. I hated the guys who’d added to my tears in the bathroom earlier.

I officially hated boys, banmoys, and Lia.

And Gabby.

I hated her for dying.

Sigh. I didn’t hate Gabby. I missed her.

It wasn’t right. None of it was. Yet I felt like I could only do something about one of the issues at hand. I stood up from my chair and marched toward Theo. My fist took the form Ryan’s had held a moment before.