Henry was shushing my tears as I felt his own dripping onto my face. “It’s okay, Ash. You’re okay. We’re okay.”

I yanked at his shirt, pulling him closer. “Dad…” I whispered, unable to get any other words to leave my mouth. The undeniable power of pain was devastating. I’d known hearts could hurt, but I’d never known they could bleed out into the realms of nothingness.

Henry held on to me. Students passed and whispered, and some even stood and stared. But I released the breath I’d been holding for the past few months.

And I inhaled the air that lightened my mind.

And I exhaled the air that clogged up my soul.

Breathe in, breathe out. I was desperately in need of performing that task over and over again.

Just. Breathe. Ashlyn.

I was alone at the lunch table. I didn’t even pick up a tray to eat. I just sat. Alone. Broken.

Avery glanced over to me at one point as if he were going to join me, but then he looked away, back to his football table. I wondered how much longer he would keep his sexuality a secret. I wondered if he’d tried to convince himself that he was straight just so he wouldn’t end up as another statistic.

I hoped he would be all right.

Jake was standing in line getting his food. He nodded toward me as if he were going to come sit with me, but I didn’t want to be near him. I hopped up from the table and hurried away. I walked past Avery. I walked past Jake.

But I didn’t walk past Ryan.

Because you couldn’t walk past the dead.

My eyes fell to Daniel, giving him a few blinks that I wanted him to follow me.

I stepped into the gated area in the basement, and there I stood in the darkened space, waiting. To some, I probably appeared to be pathetic for leaning against a wall next a dirty bucket and a mop, but I didn’t care. He would come; I knew he would. If Daniel Daniels loved me the way I knew he did, he would show up.

So I would wait. Even if that meant waiting until the sun fell down and led the world into abyss, I would patiently wait. Knowing that, no matter what, he would do everything in his power to meet me.

I heard his footsteps, and when I looked up, I saw his face. “Sorry I’m late.”

The sniffles were coming back, and when I felt his hands wrap around my lower back, I pressed into him, forming our bodies together.

“I’m sad,” I said breathily.

He rested his chin on top of my head, soothing me with his loving caresses. “I’m sad, too. So instead of being sad alone, we can be sad together for a little while.” His lips connected with my forehead, and I knew there was no one else in the world I wanted to hold. No one else in the world I wanted to have as mine.

But I would hurt him.

I always hurt people because I never took the time to heal myself.

So I had to leave him.

But it felt so hard to pull away.

“I’ve never been in love before,” I whispered, laying my head against his chest.

His fingers traveled through my hair and ran across my cheek, finding my lips. “I thought I’d been in love before, but I was wrong,” he said, circling my mouth with the tip of his thumb. My hot air brushed against his finger as he continued the simple motion that was driving me insane. “Before you, I never truly loved. I’ve never believed in eternity until I found you, Sweets. Ashlyn Jennings, you’re my forever always.”

“No,” I whispered, on the verge of crying. “Daniel, somebody knows.”

His eyes looked down to mine and I felt his worry wash over me. Or maybe it was my own worry. Sometimes our feelings were so in sync it was hard to tell them apart.

“How?”

“The train station yesterday. They saw us.”

His hand brushed over his face and he nodded, taking in the information. “Okay.”

That’s all he said.

I narrowed my eyes. “Daniel, he wants to tell! He wants to get you in trouble!”

His shoulders fell and his sweet blue eyes locked with mine. “I’ve been thinking about quitting, Ashlyn. I can just do my music to make a living. My parents had a little saved up, too. I’ll sell their house. I can find another job or something. That way I can give you everything you need. We can make this work. I can hold you when you need to be held. I can kiss you and not worry about who’s watching. I’ll come to California to be with you.”

“Daniel,” I said nervously. “You can’t sell that house… It’s your home. And you love teaching.”

“No, I love you. You are all that matters.”

He was going to give up everything he’d worked for, everything he was, to choose me.

That’s when I knew what I had to do.

My voice cracked. “I’m ruining your life.”

The walls felt as if they were closing in. I felt chains wrapping around my heart as I slowly started to un-invite Daniel inside of me.

“No…” his voice choked out. I felt his nerves. He knew where this was going.

“My mom’s doing better. But she’s alone down there. I should go back, go home.”

His fingers wrapped around mine and lay against my chest. “This is home, Ashlyn. We are home.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t—” His voice shook. “I don’t understand. I know things are a mess, but…” Tears burned down his cheeks and he stepped away.

“I don’t know who I am right now, Daniel.” My voice was shaky, broken. “I went from having a twin, to having you, and there has never been a time for me to learn what it means to be alone. And I need to try. I need to try to be alone for awhile to prove to myself that I can stand on my own.”

“I understand that, I really do…but…” He wiped his eyes and turned away from me. His hands landed on his waist, and I watched the deep inhales and heavy exhales he was taking. “How can I fix this? How can I make you stay?” He looked back to me. “I’ll give up my world for you, Ash. I’ll give it all up.”

“Daniel…what if I gave up going to California for school?” I whispered.

He declined that offer, telling me that California was all I ever wanted, it was my dream. I moved over to him and brushed my fingers against his cheeks. My hands wrapped around his neck and I pulled his mouth to mine, kissing him hard, feeling his tears hit my lips.

“I know.” I swallowed hard. “Don’t ask me to be the reason you give up everything.”

“How am I supposed to keep going? Without seeing you every day? Without you?”

My hands landed on his chest. “Start slow,” I said. “Maybe we were just meant to get each other through the darkness.”

“I don’t believe that,” he argued.

I frowned. “It was Jake Kenn. You’ll have to talk to him. I can’t be the reason you lose everything you worked so hard to get.”

He chuckled nervously. “I’ve lost worse.”

My footsteps away from Daniel were the most painful steps I’d ever taken. The walls were whispering to me, mocking me with the debilitating truths of Daniel’s and my fate. There were so many times I wanted to turn back to him and take back my words. But I knew I’d made the right decision.

Because if it were the wrong decision, my heart wouldn’t hurt this much.

Chapter 40

Don’t say goodbye.

~ Romeo’s Quest

Walking back into the cafeteria, I gasped when I saw Hailey sitting with Jake at our table talking. I rushed over and hugged Hailey tightly. “I thought you weren’t coming back this week!”

She smiled. “Gotta start back sometime.”

Daniel returned to the cafeteria and walked over to our table. “Jake, can I talk to you for a minute in my classroom?”

Jake narrowed his eyes on Mr. Daniels and huffed, “No thanks.”

I cringed at his reaction and moved over to Jake. I placed my mouth near his ear and sighed. “Please, Jake? For me?”

He frowned and shook his head back and forth. He didn’t say a word. He just stood up and followed Daniel out of the room.

Hailey and I sat back down at the table. “Remember in the beginning of the year when I said I’d never seen two people love each other so quietly? About Ryan and Avery?” Hailey asked. I nodded. Her eyes moved toward Daniel, who was walking away. “I stand corrected.”

I leaned in toward her. “Jake told you?” She nodded. I started to explain the complete situation but she cut me off.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Ashlyn.” Her eyes watered over and she shrugged. “Friends stick together no matter what. And I told Jake to shut his big mouth and keep it to himself.”

I grimaced. “Yeah, well, I don’t think he has plans to do that.”

“If he cares for you the way Mr. Daniels cares for you, then he’ll shut up.”

It felt like forever since Daniel and Jake had left the cafeteria. And they didn’t return before the lunch period was over. I rushed toward Daniel’s classroom, my heart pounding out of my chest, fear almost eating me up. His door was closed, so I waited across from it as students walked past me, moving on with their lives. But I stayed still.

The door opened and Jake walked out first. I hiccupped when I saw him and rushed to his side. He looked befuddled and walked in a slow pace.

“Jake? Talk to me, please. What happened?”

He looked up to me, his eyes heavy with emotion, and he shrugged. “I think I just fell in love with Mr. Daniels.”

I laughed when I saw him smirk. “Yeah, it has a way of sneaking up on you.”

His brows fell. “You’re really leaving? Going back to Chicago?”

I nodded.

“Look, it’s not because of me saying I would make him pay was it? Because I didn’t know—” He paused. “I didn’t know another human being could care about someone as much as he does you.”

“It’s not because of you, Jake. It’s just life. Life is happening, and I’m allowing myself to happen right along with it.”

“I’ll watch after her,” he promised. “Hailey. I’ll sit with her every day. She won’t eat lunch alone.”

“Thank you, Jake.” I kissed his cheek.

“You’re welcome, Ashlyn.” He put the stress on my name. And I kissed his cheek again.

Chapter 41

We burned together.

We burned for fun.

We burned in front of everyone.

We were the stars.

~ Romeo’s Quest

It was the night before she was heading back to Chicago. After school tomorrow, Ashlyn would be on a train leaving town. I stood near the dock with Gabby’s guitar, staring at the frozen water, my hands jammed into my jeans. Randy had been out to check on me a few times, but I’d told him I would be all right. I had to be. She would hate if I was anything but okay.

The gloom of winter dwelled on everything. I could see it in every breath I took. The music and mystery of the lake was silenced by ice. But the music in her delicate voice sang to me.

“Hey,” Ashlyn whispered, walking behind me. Henry had let her borrow his car to say goodbye to a few people. She’d said that she was only using it to come see me. Her eyelids were hooded. She hadn’t slept a wink last night either.

“Hey,” I smiled, turning her way. She had a box in her hands. My eyes shifted to the small bonfire I’d started up at the request of her. I laughed, “Man, you look hideous. So f**king ugly.”

She smiled wide. “Romancing—you’re doing it right.”

“This sucks,” I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck.

“I know…” We walked over to the fire and she opened the box. “Are you ready?”

I wasn’t. But I picked up my guitar and started playing, singing low.