“You’re doing it?” His tone is a mixture of disbelief and pain. I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed hearing his voice.

“Yeah,” I breathe, as I start back up, letting the sensual act take over.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he groans and even with the distance between us, it has the same effect as if he were here touching me. “Are you wet?” If I wasn’t, I would be now with the way he asks.

“Yes,” I moan, rubbing harder. Faster.

“Jesus, what I wouldn’t do to taste you, Bell.” I hear movement in the background and my limbs become suspended with apprehension.

“Where are you?” I question, hoping he doesn’t have me on speaker.

“In my bed.”

“What are you doing?” I relax, my hesitation chased away by his answer, and I let my finger start working again.

“My hand is wrapped around my hard cock remembering how tight your pussy felt.”

“Oh, God,” I whisper, loving the way he talks to me. “No one has ever spoken to me like this before,” I confess a truth I never expected.

“You fucking love it, don’t you? I can picture your pretty pussy glistening for me over my dirty mouth.” The sound of him stroking himself gets louder as I work my way to an orgasm.

“You close, baby?” he asks. And I am.

“Yeah.”

“Good, now picture me there, my head between your legs, fucking you with my tongue.”

“Jesse,” I moan a little too loudly.

“That’s it, baby. My tongue is licking at your clit as my finger drills into you, over and over. You’re coming all over my face, your juices coating my tongue. I can taste it now. Sweet. So fucking sweet.”

A quickening begins in my stomach, growing stronger before exploding through my senses. My orgasm hits me violently, and I have to bite the side of my cheek to stop from shouting out.

“Don’t hold back, Bell. I wanna hear what I do to you,” Jesse’s words float through, pushing me further, and forcing a wave of explosion inside of me.

“Jesse,” I cry out, wanting to please him.

“Yes, baby,” he groans. “Fuck, Bell,” he curses before crying out in a moan. The sound of him coming takes me back to the first night when I brought him to orgasm.

“Fuck, baby,” Jesse grunts, following me into our own sex-induced sphere. Sharp inhales of air are shared between us. Our breathing becomes the only sounds as we come back to ourselves.

“You there?” he asks when it falls silent.

“Yeah,” I whisper, feeling vulnerable again. I wish I could have it in me to feel ashamed, but I don’t.

“That’s the second time you’ve made me come with a hand job, sweetheart.” He chuckles and I love the sound of it. It’s the only time I feel like he’s really being himself.

“You remember the first time?”

“Been trying for the last few weeks to remember. It’s been coming back to me. No way I’m gonna forget it now, or what just happened.” He sounds absolute so I decide to give him honesty in return.

“I’ve never done this before.”

“Jesus, me either,” he admits and I let the news stir in my belly.

“Are we going to talk about what happened?” I bravely ask. I don’t want it to hang in the air between us. I need to know where I stand. I’ve come to really enjoy talking to Jesse. If it can’t be more, I need to prepare myself for less.

“I’m still pissed.” Guilt swarms back through me. Threatening to take up residence.

“I’m sorry, Jesse. You just make me lose my head. I wanted to tell you, but I just…” I trail off, ‘cause what else can I say?

“You should have told me. Do you know how fucked up that is? Taking that from you, with no respect. Fucking you on my bike, Bell. I already know I’m an asshole, but to fucking take it there.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just…I just didn’t want you to say no. I wanted it to be you.”

“You deserve more than that, Bell. You fucking deserve a bed,” he says on a growl and I can hear him getting worked up. I don’t want to end this call too soon.

“You think that’s what I want, but I only wanted you, Jesse. Any way you give me, I want it,” I admit and hope it doesn’t push him away.

He’s silent for a beat, the silence only taunting me with my mistake.

“You’re bad news, Bell, but for the life of me, I can’t stay away.” His words surprise me, but don’t deter me.

“Why do you want to fight it, Jesse?” Preparing for resistance, I force myself to sit up.

“My kind of fucked up shouldn’t touch you, sweetheart.” He sighs and I feel him pull away. I know I should expect it, the man runs hot and cold, but I’m not going to be some push over who sits around and wishes he could change.

“You don’t see what I see, do you, Jesse?”

“What do you see, Bell?”

“I see a man fighting a battle he’ll never win on his own. You don’t have to pretend around me, Jesse. I’ll never ask that of you.”

“I get that from you. I do, sweetheart. But I don’t know if I can give you what you need.”

“How do you know what I need?” The line goes quiet and I know he has nothing. “You don’t, so don’t assume you think you know, Jesse. Maybe you’re exactly what I need.” I don’t know where my confidence comes from, but I like it. If only I could assert it into my own life. Onto my family.