“Relax, baby, you’re doing good,” Jesse encourages. I know I probably look like a deer in headlights, but I can’t help it. Everything is still so new.

“Jesse, you know I’ve never…” I find myself making excuses, but I know there is no need. Not with him.

“Sweetheart, I’m gonna teach you,” he says and my stomach clenches. I like that. A lot.

“Jesus, you feel so good, baby,” he moans and I find myself wanting to roll my hips.

“Bell, keep still or this will be over before I even get to show you how I like it.”

“What, you don’t like this?” I tease, digging deeper and rolling my hips again. His hold on my hips tightens, stopping me from moving.

“I’m not kidding, Bell. I’m in over my head with you, woman. Keep fucking still or I’m gonna blow my load like a horny sixteen-year-old.” I smile at his comment but don’t try to push it.

“Quit smiling too. It’s only making this harder,” he scolds and I can’t help but laugh.

“Jesus, fuck, don’t laugh, you’re practically milking my cock.” I close my mouth shut and try to keep it in. Keeping a straight face, I gather myself and wait for Jesse to sort himself.

“Good girl. I’m gonna start moving now. You tell me if it’s too much,” he gently coaxes while lifting his hips. Nodding, I force myself to relax and let my body go, allowing him to take me anyway he wants.

There’s something intimate about our position—him under me looking into my eyes, his hands controlling our movements.

“This is nice,” I sigh, catching his rhythm and meeting him with a roll of my hips.

“Nice?” he grunts, moving me higher off his cock then slamming me back down.

“Jesus,” I moan. Heat hits my face and a new kind of ecstasy spirals toward me.

“Thought so.” Jesse smirks, but I don’t have it in me to comment. I’m too lost in the moment of this new wave of desire. Warmth swirls around me. My breath shortens and my mind fogs in its own mist of satisfaction. I’m lost in the moment. Lost in Jesse helping me ride to orgasm.

“Fuck me, you’re so fucking beautiful. I could sit here and watch you ride my cock all day, Bell,” he murmurs while I’m in the throes of my orgasm.

“Hmmm,” I moan in answer, not caring if I make a lick of sense. I never want this to end.

“My girl has a greedy pussy. I fucking love it.” Jesse chuckles, his thrusts growing faster.

“And I love you,” I reply, throwing my head back. Jesse’s body tenses under me and instantly, I realize what I said. “I mean I love you doing this. Don’t stop,” I scramble, wishing I could take it back.

“Bell, I can’t.” Time stands still after those three words and I’m left trying to bring myself back.

“I didn’t mean it, Jesse, I swear,” I lie. Panic washes over me, replacing my exhilaration with dread. He holds my stare for a few more minutes before taking my waist and slamming me back down on him. I squeal out in surprise before need takes over again. I knew I just messed up, but it was a slip. I don’t really love Jesse. It’s lust. I wouldn’t even know what love is. I shake off the insecurity that’s burning my skin.

“You don’t love me, Bell,” Jesse punches out each time he slams me down.

“No, I don’t, Jesse,” I agree, nodding along.

“Don’t fucking say that again,” he orders, his breath shortening.

“I promise, I won’t,” I answer, watching his biceps tense. His hold becomes painful but I don’t complain. I need this connection with him.

“Good, ‘cause I can’t love you back, Bell.” His words slam into me with brutal force, puncturing the protective layer around my heart and shattering it. Immediately, he shouts out his release and comes undone. Forcing my embarrassment down, I roll my head back, shut down my mind, and urge myself to be swept away in the moment. I knew deep down it wouldn’t be possible. His pleasure now brought me pain, but I did it anyway.

And I did it knowing things would never be the same.

Twenty-Five JESSE

I can’t love you back.

I repeat the words in my head, trying to push those three words out of my head. She throws her head back, her eyes not finding mine and rides out her own orgasm. I try to keep my mind on the prize, her pussy milking my cock as she bucks above me, but all I can see is her sweet smile, her innocent eyes looking down at me telling me she loves me.

Our breathing takes over and an awkward uneasiness fills the room.

“Be back.” I lift her up, roll to my side, and escape to the bathroom. She doesn’t follow me, which I’m grateful for. I need a minute to compose myself.

Love? Fucking love.

Sure, I care for Bell. She’s made her way into my life and for some reason, I want to protect her, but I’m not capable of love. I’m not willing to open myself up to it. Jackson called it yesterday. The fact that it was coming from him I pushed it out. Hearing her say the words just now, it’s something I know I’m not ready for.

Without checking the temperature, I step into the shower and let the hot water burn my skin and relax my muscles. I need the pain to bring me back to where I am most comfortable. I probably shouldn’t shut her out like this, not after the night we’ve had, but to gain composure, I need to calm myself.

“You okay?” Bell calls from the door. I keep my back to her, unable to look at her.