CHAPTER FIVE

Nix

Four Months Later.

“You still here?” Jesse walks in, dropping his keys on the clubhouse bar.

“Yeah, you sort that shit out with Liquid?” I ask. He was called away an hour ago with some staffing issues, leaving the rest of my brothers to sit around and shoot the shit.

“Yeah, we’re down a waitress. Need to put another on.” Jessie takes a seat next to Brooks, taking a pull from his beer. “You still sitting around talking about fucking babies?” He motions to Harlow, sitting on my lap, and Sy who’s down on the floor with his new son, Xzavier, sleeping on his chest.

“Fuck off. You’re just jealous,” Sy murmurs, running his thumb along baby X’s forehead. X, is only six weeks old, but Sy has settled into fatherhood with such ease, anyone would think he’d done it before.

“Jealous? Fuck that. I’m happy where I’m at, asshole,” Jesse scoffs, but something in his tone tells me he is full of it. Jesse is the least family orientated man I’ve ever met. He’s loyal, passionate, but talk about settling down, he’s out of there.

“Keep telling yourself that, Jesse.” I laugh as Harlow reaches for my hand, wrapping her small fist around my finger as she tries to lift it to her mouth. Her mouth opens, and drool pools at the side, showing the first signs of teeth coming through.

“Where are the girls anyway?” Jesse asks, ignoring my jab.

“Girls’ day,” Sy answers, sitting up when X gets restless.

“They’re almost done, so we should head out.” I motion to the clock above the bar. The girls are out for some beauty day that Holly and Kadence started doing in Holly’s last few weeks of pregnancy. Once every couple of weeks, the girls go out for an afternoon and do their girly shit, spend a fuck-load of money. Doesn’t bother me as long as it helps my woman. It gives her some breathing time which means when she’s home, she’s relaxed.

“How’s Kadence doing?” Jesse turns serious. I know what he’s asking and I know he’s only asking as her friend, but it’s not something I like to talk about. But my brothers are my family. They’ve been through everything with me and stood by my side. Even when I wanted to fucking lock my family up in my home and deal with it by ourselves, they stood by me; never pushing, never giving me a hard time ‘cause I wasn’t around the clubhouse much. As much as Kadence was pushing me out, I was pushing them out.

When we brought Harlow home, I never knew we would end up where we did. When Addison had Z, it seemed so easy. Z was a good baby; sleeping through the night and even feeding well. The first few weeks of Harlow being home, I knew something was up. The house was unsettled and filled with tension; it all built up until it boiled over. The sleep deprivation didn’t help us either. At first, the doctors said it was hormonal, and Harlow was just a fussy baby, but as each week passed, I knew it was more than that. Between the feeding problems, and Kadence’s insecurities, she let it build a wall around her, dividing us. The pressure of being a good mom, of not failing, it all became too much for her. I could see it, my brothers could see it, and Z could see it. She wasn’t herself until we reached our breaking point; the night I walked through the door and had to reassure Z we weren’t falling apart.

It wasn’t my intention to push her that night, but maybe deep down I knew that was what was needed. Whatever my reasoning, it worked. The moment she admitted she knew something was wrong, I knew we would be okay. It took a few days, but after talking with her mom, Kadence agreed to book an appointment with her doctor. I don’t know what I was expecting when we went, but after discussing our options, we decided that therapy and medication would be our plan of attack. Four months, many tears, and a whole heap of frustration later, things have gradually improved.

Harlow has settled so much these past weeks. She has become calmer and more at peace. Since the tests the Doctors ran on her, we found out she was allergic to milk. Fucking go figure. Her reflux was a result of her hypersensitivity. Kadence’s insecurities of not being able to bond with Harlow through breastfeeding set us back a little, but after talking to a few moms and realizing the stress on her would be too much if she took on the diet to continue feeding, she was able to move past it.

We all have.

I’m not saying the last four months have been easy. They haven’t. It wasn’t as if those pills the doctor had prescribed Kadence fixed everything. We still had our bumps. Lack of sleep was still an issue. Z still had school, and club business was still important. But things became manageable.

“She’s doing good, better.” I stand and hand Harlow to Beau as I gather up her toys. He takes her easily, lifting her up in the air to make her squeal.

“You ready to get going, bud?” I call out to Z as he walks out of the kitchen.

“Yep,” he answers with a mouthful of food.

“Can you take your sister’s shit out to the car for me?”  I point to the baby bag sitting on the table. He nods and does as I ask, waving to the boys as he goes.

“How you doin’?” Beau asks, knowing I don’t want to talk about it, but asking anyway.

“I’m good. We’re getting there.” I nod, believing it. While we’re not back to where we were before Low, we’re gradually finding ourselves. “Havin’ a family dinner this weekend. I want you all there.” I turn back to look at Jesse in particular. The last few weeks Jesse has been missing around here. His family have been giving him a hard time the last few months, and since then, he’s been somewhat withdrawn. “First time she’s been ready to have you all over at once. I know we’ve had a fucked-up time the last few months, that’s been on her mind. I don’t want it to be an issue, okay?” My brothers all nod, knowing this is a good sign.