PAST

Sy

“Do you believe in God?” Her small hand grips onto my larger one.

“Yeah, baby girl,” I say, looking down and watching her smile at my answer.

“Do you think God will let me see you again?” She continues to ask questions that keep breaking me.

“I know he will,” I say, believing it more than anything. My faith has now been shaken, but I can't lose hope that where she is going will be somewhere beautiful and amazing.

“When I go to God, will I see Charlie the goldfish?” She yawns, almost drifting off as the hospital machines beep around us. I nearly smile at her question, but I can’t, because at the end of the day we’re talking about death, and the inevitable end that’s fast approaching.

“I don’t know, baby girl,” I tell her, wishing I had the right answers for her. We’ve had hospital staff come in and talk with Katie and me about how to approach the subject of death. I try to take everything they suggest on board, but sometimes, Keira will hit me with a question that floors me and I can’t lie to her.

“I want to go home,” she says, nestling further into the stark white hospital pillow. It’s the same thing she’s said every day for the last three weeks we’ve been stuck here.

“I know you do, baby.” I reach out and brush the soft skin of her cheekbone.

“I love you, Daddy,” she says, slowly drifting off to sleep. I wonder how many more days I have with her. Will she die in this hospital, the one place she doesn’t want to be?

“I love you too, baby girl.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

Holly

“Come on, woman. Suck it up.” I take Kadence’s hand and drag her inside the Rebels’ Clubhouse. I’m trying to keep my fake bravado up as we walk through the darkened hall, but as leather and smoke fill my nose, I’m reminded of the last time I saw Sy and how it felt when he walked out. I knew coming here would be dangerous. I was happily settling in for a quiet afternoon of sappy movies and junk food when Kadence came rushing through the door telling me I had to get up and get ready as I was going to my first ever clubhouse barbecue. At first, I was against it. The last thing I need is to see Sy in his territory, but when Kadence told me Z, Nix’s son was going to be here, I knew I had to come for support. She has been freaking out about letting Z know about her relationship with his father since the moment she started seeing Nix. I personally don’t think she has anything to worry about, but nonetheless I’m here, questioning my sanity and wishing I was still on my sofa.

Loud music beats out of the surround speakers, making the framed pictures of club members hanging on the walls next to us shake slightly.

“We need to go straight to the bar,” Kadence orders next to me as we turn the corner to a large open area. I nod, following behind her, needing the same liquid courage as she does.

“Two Coronas, please,” I ask the younger guy as we sit down. He nods, turning and getting our drinks.

“This place is cool,” I say, looking around. My eyes take everything in. Even if I’m nervous about seeing Sy, I still love that I finally have the chance to come here after everything Kadence has told me.

“Yeah,” Kadence mumbles, turning to greet someone, but I don’t hear her as my eyes connect with his. His body stiffens at my presence and I try not to let it affect me, but how do you do that when the man can get me out of my clothes in less than two minutes. Jesus, what was I thinking, letting him fuck me? I thought it would have made it easier not to want him as much after the second time he left me, but even after he was the biggest asshole, I can’t help the want flowing through me.

I don’t know how long he holds my gaze, but after what feels like a ridiculous time, I force my eyes away and focus on the man who just picked up my hand to kiss it. He’s blond, built, and has the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.

“I don’t think we’ve formally met,” he drawls, releasing my hand.

“Holly, this is Jesse. Jesse, this is my best friend, Holly.” Kadence introduces us before turning back around to scan the bar.

“Hello, sweetheart.” He moves in close.

“Hi,” I reply, not affected by his flirting. But he doesn't give up, reaching out and pushing a loose strand of hair from my face.

“Jeez, you’re a pretty little thing, aren’t ya?” he says and I roll my eyes at Kadence. Men like this look good, but I’m not a sucker for it.

“You done?” Sy’s voice comes up behind the modern day Casanova, and I lock eyes with Kadence. Her expression is shocked for a small moment before her eyes widen, waiting for my reaction.

“Sorry, brother. Am I stepping on some toes here?” Jesse pulls back from me to turn and face Sy. What the hell? He fucks me and leaves me, yet now he’s going to give me attitude. I don’t think so.

“No toes,” I say, reaching out and taking Jesse’s arm. I smile sweetly at Sy before he can respond. I have no attraction to Jesse, but if it means pushing Sy into an angry state, then I’m all for it.

“Fuck me,” Sy grumbles, but I pretend not to hear it. I can’t be swayed by his moody ass. Yes, something is happening between us, but he can’t expect me to be okay with the way he keeps treating me.

“Want to show me around?” I ask Jesse as I climb down off the stool and flash my 'fuck you asshole’ look to Sy. His eyes narrow, but I’m not going to be intimidated by him. Jesse nods and we move past them heading out to the backyard. I half expect him to reach out, but then I remember it’s not his style. Clearly, he doesn’t want me, and more importantly, doesn’t want anyone else to have me.