“Umm, old lady?” I almost choke on the words. Old lady? Jesus, how did we get there?

“What do you think is happening here, Holly? You’re with me and I want you there by my side,” he says, pulling me back down into his space.

“I knew we were moving things along, Sy, but old lady? That shit is serious.” I fight the panic clawing at me. I’m not ready for that.

“I want serious, baby. You’re it for me.” He looks so sure that I feel bad that I’m questioning it, questioning us.

“I just, I thought we were going to go slowly, with everything happening,” I say, remembering his promise not to label it.

“Babe, I know we both have our own issues that might just make us a little fucked up, but sometimes I look at you and I think maybe being fucked up doesn’t have to be so bad.”

I don’t respond, unsure of how we came this far without my untold confession coming to light. I know I should tell him about our baby, but it’s like the secret is a virus, a disease spreading through me, taking control of my body from the inside. Now I’m stuck, it holds me hostage and no medication can cure my guilt.

“What are you thinking?” he asks, taking my chin and forcing me to look at him.

“Nothing, just trying to work through it, Sy.” I don’t want to ruin our moment, so I continue to keep my secret. He looks at me, assessing me in his own way, but I hold his stare, waiting to see where this goes.

“Well, work it out quick. I want to fuck my old lady,” he says, rolling us so now he covers my body.

“So everyone thinks I’m your old lady?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles, kissing down my neck.

“All of them?” I breathe out.

“Holly, half of them already knew we’ve been seeing each other,” he informs me before latching onto my nipple.

“What? Oh, God, they’ve known about us,” I rush out, getting my words caught as he rolls my nipple between his teeth.

“Don’t care,” he growls, moving onto the next one.

“Well, I care,” I moan, letting my concerns get lost in the sensation of his bite.

“You shouldn’t. You never used to.” He pulls back, watching me. “You never used to and maybe that’s a good thing, maybe it isn’t, but this here, Holly, is all that matters with us. Not anyone else. Just us, okay?”

I feel his words and believe them. I need to tell him.

“Sy,” I say, trying to find the words.

“Shhhh,” he whispers, moving down my naked body. “I just want to taste you,” he says before running his tongue along my stomach.

“Sy,” I try again, but know this isn’t the time when his fingers spread me open and he runs the tip of his nose along my center. I know I have to tell him and I will, just maybe not this second.

“I’m so fucking hungry, Holly. I could eat you all fucking night,” he groans like a starved man, before lightly skimming my clit.

“Don’t tease,” I complain, waiting for his touch.

“But I love watching you squirm, baby,” he purrs and blows a warm breath over my heat.

“Sy, quit it,” I demand when he lightly touches me again. It’s nowhere near enough to give me what I’m aching for.

“I’m not going to quit it, Holly. I’m going to slowly bring you apart with my mouth and then fuck you so hard you won’t be walking easily tomorrow.” He looks up, his eyes dancing with fire at his threat.

“Yes,” I eagerly plead, waiting for what he is offering.

“But before I do all that, I think I want to watch you suck me first.” He changes his play, crawling up my body and moving to the side.

“Sy, come on. Don’t be a tease,” I pout, frustrated I’m not getting the attention that I need.

“You know you love it.” He smirks as he rests back, his arms folded behind his head. “Knees, now, Holly,” he pushes, in his no-bullshit voice. Normally, if a guy talked to me like that I would tell him to fuck off, but the way Sy says it—demanding and unrelenting—makes me want to surrender. Moving down his body, I do as I’m told and reach for his rigid length.

“Spread those sexy legs so I’ve got a good view.” He continues to break me with his words. I should be embarrassed at my willingness to submit, but I’m not. My legs spread of their own accord, straddling his body so my pussy is in his line of sight.

“Fuck me, you have a pretty pussy, baby,” he says, running his callused finger through my wetness. I don’t know what qualifies as pretty, but whatever it is, I’m glad he approves. “Now, my pretty pussy,” he adds as I stroke him in my hand.

Leaning down, I lick the pre-cum beading on the tip of the bulging head. I savor the hiss that leaves his lips, letting it push me forward, taking him to the back of my throat.

“Fuck, baby,” he groans as he slides two fingers inside of me, stretching me. “That’s it. Suck my cock the way I like it and maybe I’ll let you come,” he growls, making me work harder.

The dynamics of our relationship is unlike what I’ve ever had before, but I know what Sy offers is what I need. He gives me permission to not be okay, to struggle and fall, and in return, I surrender. I allow him to take the lead and guide me back because if it weren’t for Sy, I’d still be sitting in the dark, exhausted, and fighting alone.

***

“No, no,” he shouts, pulling me from my sleep. Sitting up, it takes me a minute to get my bearings before I realize he’s dreaming. “Keira.” He continues thrashing next to me. I don’t know if I should wake him, or let it run its course, but the louder he gets, the more stressed he becomes.