Asa must not realize this or he’d never turn his back to him.

My eyes flick to the door and Asa is locking it. My eyes flick back to Luke’s and he’s shaking his head, warning me to stay calm. He can’t bring his thumb to his lip, but he’s biting it, running his teeth across it.

I tug at a strand of my hair, just as Asa rests his back against the bedroom door. He places his gun flat against his cheek and looks straight at Luke. “I already told you about the first time I fucked her,” he says. “It’s your turn.”

Asa-41

SEVERAL YEARS EARLIER

Asa

My Dad is standing at the window, watching for the men.

He watches for them all the time. He tells me if they find out where we live, they’ll shoot him. Then they’ll shoot my mom and then they’ll shoot me. He says after they shoot us, the men probably won’t even tell the police. They’ll leave us all here and our bodies will rot inside this house and the mice and roaches will eat them.

“Asa!” he yells from the window, pointing at the front door. “Check the door again!”

I already checked it for him two times, but he never believes me that it’s locked. He says, “Check the door again,” every time he looks out the window.

I don’t know why some days he thinks the men are coming for him and some days he doesn’t care. I slide off the couch and crawl to the door. My legs work, so I could walk to the door just fine, but sometimes I’m scared if the men show up, they’ll shoot me, so I crawl when I pass the big window.

I check the door. “It’s locked.”

My Daddy looks at me and smiles. “Thank you, son.”

I hate it when he calls me son. The only time he calls me son is when he’s scared of the men who are going to shoot him and then my mom and then me. When he’s scared, he’s really nice to me and makes me help him do things, like push the couch against the door and unplug all the things that have electricity. I’ve been helping him a lot today and he keeps calling me son. I like it better when he doesn’t call me anything and he just sits in his chair all day.

I crawl back to the couch, but before I make it there, I feel my dad squeeze my arm. “They’re here, Asa!” he whispers. He pulls me to my feet and says, “You have to go hide!”

My heart beats real fast inside my chest and I nod.

My dad is scared of the men a lot, but they’ve never actually shown up before. I look out the big window while he pulls me across the living room, but I don’t see anyone. I don’t see the men.

My dad pulls me out the back door and down the steps. He kneels down and grabs my shoulders. “Asa, hide under the house and stay there until I come get you.”

I shake my head. “I don’t want to.” It’s dark under there and once I saw a scorpion.

“You don’t have a choice!” he whispers real loud. “Don’t come out until I come for you or they’ll kill all of us!”

He pushes me toward the opening that leads under the house. I fall to my knees and my hands sink into the mud. I don’t look behind me. I crawl as far as I can so the men don’t see me.

I pull my knees up to my chest and I try to be quiet when I cry so the men don’t hear me.

***

I got really cold and hungry and cried until the sun came back up. But my daddy said not to move, so I didn’t. I still haven’t moved. I hope he doesn’t get mad, but I peed on myself while I was sleeping. I haven’t peed on myself while I was asleep since before my last birthday. If the men haven’t killed him yet, he’s going to be so mad at me for what happened.

I can hear them walking around inside the house. I don’t know if they killed my Dad. My Mom was in the bedroom where she stays most of the time, so they might have even killed her, too, if they found her.

But they didn’t kill me, because I did exactly what my dad said. I stayed here and I’m not moving until he comes for me.

Or until the men are gone.

***

I got really cold and hungry and cried until the sun went down again. But I still didn’t move. My daddy said not to, so I didn’t. But my legs don’t feel like they’re a part of my body anymore. My eyes keep closing. I’m not so thirsty anymore because there was a little water coming out of a pipe next to me and I put my mouth on it and drank some of it.

I think the men killed my mom and dad, because it’s real quiet in my house now. I haven’t heard the men walk around since the sun came up, so maybe they left.

I know my dad said not to move, but if my dad were still alive, he would have been back to get me.

But he never came back.