“She was on the list for mandatory therapy or she’d be fired from the guard. It scared her to go, so I told her I’d go with her if it would help, and it turned into couples therapy after a while.”

Socrates shook his head. “You must have wanted to be with her bad, or you’re just a better person than I am. When my wife asked for therapy, I said no.”

“She was in the parking lot kissing you good-bye. Did she forgive you?”

“No, she left me. I think I wanted her to leave when I first became a shapeshifter. I thought I was a danger to her and our son, and then the hyena group in L.A. was crazy violent. It wasn’t until I came out here that I thought I had a job and a life that wouldn’t endanger them.”

“You’re lucky she waited for you to come to your senses,” Kaazim said.

“Very lucky,” Jake said from the seat beside him.

“She didn’t wait for me. I mean, she was dating. In fact, she was dating one guy seriously when I asked her to try again.”

“Then you are doubly lucky,” Kaazim said. Jake just nodded.

“I am. You saw her: She’s beautiful and could have anyone she wanted. I so don’t deserve her after all I put her through.”

“I’m glad you felt safe enough to bring her and your son to St. Louis,” I said.

Socrates smiled at me. “Me, too.”

“When is the baby due?” I asked.

“Soon, and we just found out it’s a girl.”

Appreciative noises were made. Fortune called from the backseats that she and Echo were sharing, “That’s wonderful to feel safe enough to have a family.” I remembered what Sin had said, that Fortune had talked to Nathaniel about being his baby momma. There was a spurt of jealousy, which wasn’t an emotion I felt much.

The jealousy went straight to anger, which was usually my default for any negative emotion. Damian’s hand squeezed, but this time Nicky leaned in closer, running his hand up my thigh. It wasn’t sexual, more comforting, but he’d unbuckled his seat belt to do it so that I was suddenly looking into his face almost close enough to kiss. I knew he felt my emotions, but not my thoughts. What did he think had made me feel jealous?

The peacefulness began to seep away on the conflicting emotions. I was suddenly anxious and afraid and . . . Damn it, if I felt that way about Nathaniel having a baby with someone else, what did that say about me, about us? Fortune was even our shared lover. It was a nice, practical solution for everyone, so why didn’t it feel nice or practical inside my head and heart?

Nathaniel leaned in and kissed me gently on the cheek. It made me turn and look at him. I realized that he didn’t just get my emotions, but sometimes my thoughts. How much had he gotten just now? My pulse was suddenly in my throat and my chest was a little bit tight, but it wasn’t fear of being on the plane. Nope, relationship baby panic and not the kind I’d always feared. I’d sat in the bathroom and stared at a pregnancy test and prayed for it to be negative. I’d even had one false positive when I first got all my inner beasts. But staring into Nathaniel’s eyes from inches away, I suddenly realized something. I did want to have a baby with him and with Micah. It wasn’t a possibility with Micah—he’d had a vasectomy years before we met—but Nathaniel and I could. I just hadn’t known until that second that I wanted to do it. Fuck, it was such a bad idea.

Nathaniel gave me a smile that lit his whole face up. He just glowed with happiness, which meant he knew exactly what I was thinking and feeling. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Why do you think it’s such a bad idea?” Damian asked, and I realized that the three of us were all too interconnected in that moment for him to be left out.

Dev leaned over the back of Damian’s seat and asked, “What is a bad idea?”

Nathaniel looked up at Dev with that shining, happy face. “Anita wants to have a baby with me.”

Dev let the surprise show on his face. “Wow, that’s . . . unexpected. Great, but . . . wow.”

“Wanting to have a baby with someone doesn’t mean you do it,” I said, a little desperately.

“I thought that’s how it worked,” Fortune said.

I was suddenly angry with her, because her willingness to get pregnant had made me think too hard about it. I was furious with her in that moment.

“That’s not fair, Anita,” Nathaniel said.

“Would you really get pregnant with someone else?”

“I want to have a baby with you, but you told me that wasn’t ever going to happen and I want children.”

“You’re not even twenty-five yet. What’s the rush?” I asked.

“It doesn’t have to be now, but I thought you’d feel differently if it was a woman in our poly group.”

“So did I,” I said.

Fortune said, “If this is what I think it is, it’s about Nathaniel and me. We weren’t seriously talking about him and me, but more that I could stop using birth control and keep having sex with everyone. As Harlequin we were not allowed to breed unless the Mother chose us for it, and then, like Socrates, we did not feel safe enough to have me incapacitated by carrying a child.”

Echo took her hand and said, “We felt safe enough to contemplate it, but it is not Nathaniel’s child we seek, but our own.”

I nodded. “I get that—I really do—and you totally don’t deserve my anger, but it’s just thrown me that I feel this way at all. I mean, you said it: incapacitated is how pregnancy would be. I wouldn’t be able to do my job.”