Amanda rolled her eyes at me. “You’re not bi. Babe, don’t encourage her.”

Jo grinned, totally unrepentant. “Last week she wanted to be gay. Before that she talked monasteries. I think this is a constructive step toward her forgiving every penis-possessing human and moving on with her life.”

“I am moving on with my life,” I said.

“Which is why you two have been talking about him for the past four hours?” Amanda grinned, throwing her arms around Jo’s shoulders.

“We weren’t talking about him. We were insulting him. How do you say ‘useless stinking sheep fornicator’ in German again?” I asked, leaning in to be heard over the music. “That was my favorite.”

Jo and Amanda got busy close dancing and I let them go, unperturbed. Because I wasn’t afraid of being alone. I was action-packed full of single girl power. Fuck David Ferris. Fuck him good and hard.

The music all blended into one long time-bending beat and so long as I kept moving it was all perfect. Sweat slicked my neck and I popped another button on my dress, widening the neckline. I ignored the other people dancing around me. I shut my eyes, staying safe in my own little world. The alcohol had given me a nice buzz.

For some reason, the hands sliding over my h*ps didn’t bother me, even though they were uninvited. They went no further, made no demands on me. Their owner danced behind me, keeping a small safe distance between us. It was nice. Maybe the music had hypnotized me. Or maybe I had been lonely, because I didn’t fight it. Instead I relaxed against him. For all of the next song we stayed like that, melded together, moving. The beat slowed down and I raised my arms, linking my hands behind his neck. After a month of avoiding almost all human contact, my body woke. The short, soft hair at the back of his neck brushed over my fingers. Smooth, warm skin beneath.

God, it was so nice. I hadn’t realized how touch-starved I was.

I leaned my head back against him and he whispered something softly. Too soft for me to hear. The soft bristles on his cheek and jaw lightly prickled the side of my face. Hands slid over my ribs, up my arms. Calloused fingers lightly stroked the sensitive underside of my arms. His body was solid behind me, strong, but he kept his touch light, restrained. I wasn’t in the market for a rebound. My heart was too bruised for that, my mind too wary. I couldn’t bring myself to move away from him, however. It felt too good there.

“Evelyn,” he said, his lips teasing my ear.

My breath caught, my eyelids shot open. I turned to find David staring back at me. The long hair was gone. It was still longish on top but cut short at the sides. He could probably do a neat Elvis pompadour if the fancy took him. A short, dark beard covered his lower face.

“Y-you’re here,” I stuttered out. My tongue felt thick and useless inside my dry mouth. Christ, it was really him. Here in Portland. In the flesh.

“Yeah.” His blue eyes burned. He didn’t say anything else. Music kept playing, people kept moving. The world only stopped turning for me.

“Why?”

“Ev?” Amanda put a hand to my arm and I jumped, the spell broken. She gave David a quick glance and then her face screwed up in distaste. “What the f**k is he doing here?”

“It’s okay,” I said.

Her gaze moved between David and me. She didn’t really seem convinced. Fair enough.

“Amanda. Please.” I squeezed her fingers, nodded. After a moment she turned back to Jo who stared at David with open disbelief. And a healthy dose of star-struck. His new look made for a brilliant disguise. Unless you knew who you were looking for, of course.

I pushed through the crowd, getting the hell out of there. I knew he’d follow. Of course he would. It was no accident he was there, though I had no damn idea how he’d found me. I needed to get away from the heat and the noise so I could think straight. Down the back hallway past the men’s and women’s toilets. There, that was what I wanted. A big black door opened onto a back alleyway. Open night air. A few brave stars twinkled high overhead. Otherwise it was dark back here, damp from earlier summer rain. It was horrible and dirty and hateful. An ideal setting.

I might have been feeling a bit dramatic.

The door slammed shut behind David. He faced me, hands on hips. He opened his mouth to start talking and no, not happening. I snapped.

“Why are you here, David?”

“We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t.”

He rubbed at his mouth. “Please. There’re things I have to tell you.”

“Too late.”

Looking at him revived the pain. As if I had wounds lingering just beneath the skin, waiting to resurface. I couldn’t help staring at him, however. Parts of me were desperate for the sight of him, the sound of him. My head and heart were a wreck. David didn’t appear so great himself. He looked tired. There were shadows beneath his eyes and he seemed a little pale, even in this crappy lighting. The earrings were missing, all of them gone. Not that I cared.

He rocked back on his heels, eyes watching me desperately. “Jimmy went into rehab and there were other things going on I had to deal with. We had to do therapy together as part of his treatment. That’s why I couldn’t come straight away.”

“I’m sorry to hear about Jimmy.”

He nodded. “Thanks. He’s doing a lot better.”

“Good. That’s good.”

Another nod. “Ev, about Martha—”

“Whoa.” I held up a hand, backing up. “Don’t.”

His mouth turned down at the edges. “We have to talk.”

“Do we?”

“Yes.”

“Because now you’ve decided you’re ready? Fuck you, David. It’s been a month. Twenty-eight days without a word. I’m sorry about your brother, but no.”

“I wanted to make sure I was coming after you for the right reasons.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“Ev—”

“No.” I shook my head, hurt and fury pushing me hard. So I pushed at him even harder, sending him back a step. He hit the wall and I had nowhere else to go with him. But that didn’t stop me.

I went to push at him again and he grabbed my hands. “Calm down.”

“No!”

His hands encircled my wrists. He gritted his teeth, grinding his molars together. I heard it. Impressive that he didn’t crack anything. “No, what? No to talking now? What? What do you mean?”

“I mean no to everything and anything to do with you.” My words echoed through the narrow alleyway, up the sides of the buildings until they emptied out into the uncaring night sky. “We’re finished, remember? You’re f**king done with me. I’m nothing to you. You said so yourself.”

“I was wrong. Goddamn it, Ev. Calm down. Listen to me.”

“Let me go.”

“I’m sorry. But it’s not what you think.”

Out of options, I got in his face. “You don’t get to come here now. You lied to me. You cheated on me.”

“Baby—”

“Don’t you dare call me that,” I yelled.

“I’m sorry.” His gaze roamed my face, searching for sense maybe. He was shit out of luck. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Over and over he said, chanting the most worthless words in all of time and space. I had to stop it. Shut him up before he drove me insane. I smashed my mouth to his, halting the useless litany. He groaned and kissed me back hard, bruising my lips, hurting me. But then I hurt him too. The pain helped. I pushed my tongue into his mouth, taking what was supposed to be mine. In that moment I hated him and I loved him. There didn’t seem to be any difference.

My hands were freed and I wound them around his neck. He turned us, setting my back to the rough brick wall. His touch burned through my skin and bones. It all happened so fast, there wasn’t time to wonder about the wisdom of it. He pushed up my dress and tore at my panties. They didn’t stand a chance. The cool of the night air and the heat of his palms smoothed over my thighs.

“I missed you so f**king much,” he groaned.

“David.”

He lowered his zipper and pushed down the front of his jeans. Then he lifted my leg, bringing it up to his hip. My hands dragged at his neck. I think I was trying to climb him. There wasn’t much thought going into it. Just the drive to get as close to him as physically possible. He nipped at my lips, taking my mouth in another hard kiss. His c**k pushed against me, easing into me. The feel of him filling me made my head spin. The slight ache as he stretched me. His other hand slid around beneath my butt then he lifted me up, pushing in all the way, making me moan. I wrapped my legs around him and held on tight. He pounded himself into me with nil finesse. Rough suited both our moods. My fingernails clawed at his neck, my heels drumming his ass. His teeth pressed hard into the side of my neck. The pain was perfect.

“Harder,” I panted.

“Fuck yes.”

The rough brickwork abraded my back, pulling at the fabric of my dress. The hard drive of his c**k took my breath away. I clung on tight, trying to savor the feel of him, the tension building inside me. It was all too much and still not enough. The thought that this could be our last time, a brutally angry joining like this … I wanted to cry but I didn’t have the tears. His fingers dug into my ass cheeks, marking my flesh. The pressure inside me grew higher and higher. He changed his angle slightly, hitting my clit, and I came hard, my arms wrapped around his head, my cheek pressed against his. His beard brushed against up my face. My whole body shuddered and shook.

“Evelyn,” he snarled, grinding himself into me, emptying himself inside me.

Every muscle in my body went liquid. It was all I could do to hang onto him.

“It’s fine, baby.” His mouth pressed against my damp face. “It’ll be okay, I promise. I’ll fix it.”

“P-put me down.”

His shoulders rose and fell on a harsh breath and carefully he did so. Quickly I pulled down the skirt of my dress, set myself to rights. Like that was even possible. This situation was out of control. Without fuss he pulled up his jeans, made himself presentable. I looked everywhere but at him. An alleyway. Holy hell.

“Are you alright?” His fingers brushed over my face, tucked back my hair. Until I put a hand to his chest, forcing him back a step. Well, not forcing him. He chose to give me my space.

“I … um.” I licked my lips and tried again. “I need to go home.”

“Come on, I’ll get us a cab.”

“No. I’m sorry. I know I started this. But …” I shook my head.

David hung his.

“That was goodbye.”

“Like f**k it was. Don’t you even try to tell me that.” His finger slid beneath my chin, making me look at him. “We are not finished, you hear me? Not even f**king remotely. New plan. I’m not leaving Portland until we’ve talked this out. I promise you that.”

“Not tonight.”

“No. Not tonight. Tomorrow then?”

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I had no idea what I wanted to say. My fingernails dug into my sides through my dress. What I wanted these days was a mystery even to me. To stop hurting would be nice. To remove all memory of him from my head and heart. To get my breathing back under control.

“Tomorrow,” he repeated.

“I don’t know.” Now I felt tired, facing him. I could have slept for a year. My shoulders slumped and my brain stalled.

He just stared at me, eyes intense. “Okay.”

Where that left us, I had no idea. But I nodded as if something had been decided.

“Good,” he said, taking a deep breath.

My muscles still trembled. Semen slid down the inside of my leg. Shit. We’d had the talk, but things had been different back then.

“David, you practiced safe sex, right, the last month?”

“You have nothing to worry about.”

“Good.”

He took a step toward me. “As far as I’m concerned we’re still married. So no, Evelyn, I haven’t been f**king around on you.”

I had nothing. My knees wavered. Probably due to the recent action they’d seen. Relief over him not taking to the groupies with a vengeance after our split couldn’t be part of it, surely. I didn’t even want to think about Martha, that tentacle-wielding sea monster from the deep.

Sex was so messy. Love was far and away worse.

One of us had to go. He made no move so I left, hightailing it back toward the club to find Amanda and Jo. I needed new panties and a heart transplant. I needed to go home. He followed me, opening the door. The heavy bass of the music boomed out into the night.

I rushed into the ladies’ room and locked myself into a stall to clean up. When I came out to wash my hands, looking in the mirror was hard. The harsh fluorescent lighting did me no favors. My long blonde hair hung around my face a knotted mess care of David’s hands. My eyes were wide and wounded. I looked terrified, but of what I didn’t want to say. Also, there was the mother of all hickeys forming on my neck. Hell.

A couple of girls came in, giggling and casting longing looks back over their shoulders. Before the door swung shut, I caught a glance of David leaning against the wall opposite, waiting, staring at his boots. The girls’ excited chatter was jarringly loud. But they made no mention of his name. David’s disguise was holding up. Arms wrapped around myself, I went out to meet him.

“Ready to go?” he asked, pushing off from the wall.

“Yeah.”