I throw on my fake smile and wink at him.  “I am.”

Nate releases my hand and I cringe on the inside.

“Wow,” the waiter blushes and smiles back at me.  “I thought I recognized you. I don’t want to bug you, I was just curious.  Your dessert should be ready in a second.”

“Thank you, Derrick,” I reply smoothly, reading his name tag.  He nods awkwardly and walks away and I take a deep breath and meet Nate’s eyes across the table.

“I guess I should mention that I posed in Playboy a long time ago,” I murmur.

“I guess you should,” he responds.  His voice has gone colder and I cringe, on the outside this time.

“It’s not something I’m ashamed of, but it doesn’t come up often any more.  It was a long time ago.”  I shrug and watch his expression, which doesn’t change.

“Why did you do it?” he asks.

“Well, Natalie used to take a lot of photos of me.  She still does.  The biggest part of her business is boudoir and couples photography.  She got into it in college, and I was the one she practiced on.”

“Go on,” he says after Derrick places our desserts on the table.

“So, there was a talent scout in Seattle one weekend, and I grabbed a few of the photos she took and went there to see what they thought.  One month later I was in L.A. at a studio posing for the magazine.”  I shrug again and fidget with my silverware.  “It didn’t pay very well, but I didn’t need the money anyway.  I guess it made me feel sexy, and girly, which was important to me because I’d always been around so many boys, and it was fun.  The photographer was very professional, as was everyone else on the set.  I got to stay at the Playboy Mansion a few times and hang out with the other girls and Heff, and there were celebrities around.  For a twenty-one year-old, it was glamorous and exciting.”

“But?” he asks, prompting me to continue.

“But, I didn’t like the crude guys that would approach me when I was out with Nat. One guy cornered me in a bathroom hallway in a bar one night, and well, let’s just say he had a hard time taking no for an answer.” I swallow and look down at my clenched hands. “ I beat him to a bloody pulp.”  Nate’s hand flexes into a fist on the table and I raise my eyes to his.  “I literally put him in the hospital.”

“Good,” is his only response.

“I decided that posing those few times was enough.  It’s something I’ll always have, but not something I need.  I’m shocked that kid recognized me.”  I shake my head and close my eyes, wishing Nate would give me a clue to what he’s thinking.

“Please say something,” I whisper when it feels like minutes tick by without a peep from him.

“I don’t like it.”  His voice is quiet and cold, and my stomach clenches in fear.

“That’s understandable,” I mutter, my head down.  I focus on the table cloth, running my fingers over it, steadying myself for him to say he’s done.  This is a deal breaker for him.  He thinks I’m a whore.

I’ve heard all those things before.

“I think you’re incredible.”

What?  I whip my head up, my eyes searching his.  My mouth is open in shock.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“You don’t think I’m a whore?” Seriously?

His eyes go arctic.  “Don’t you ever fucking say that again.”

“I’m sorry, I just…”

“Just what?” he snaps.

“I’ve heard it before,” I whisper and look down again.

“Look at me.” His voice is softer, calmer, and I raise my eyes to his again.  “You are a brilliant, lovely woman, Julianne.  You had a wild streak in college.  That’s something I can identify with.”  He raises an eyebrow and a smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

“The problem I have,” he continues, “is that other men have seen your beautiful body.”

“I wasn’t a virgin when I met you,” I remind him.

“No, you weren’t, and I can deal with that, although I admit it makes me a little crazy.  But knowing other men have seen you, and fantasized about you, makes me want to put each and every one of them into the hospital, starting with our young waiter.”

Oh. I don’t know why that touches me, and I’m mortified to feel tears prick the backs of my eyes.  I blink rapidly and try to find my equilibrium.  He never fails to surprise me.

“So,” I swallow and grip his hand in mine.  “So, you still want to see me?”

“Of course.” He frowns like it’s an absurd question.

I nod and look down at my chocolate cake.  “Can we get these to go?”

“Great idea.”  He signals for the waiter and requests boxes for our delicious-looking desserts.

He’s quiet on the ride back to his apartment, but he keeps a hand on my thigh, as though he just can’t stop touching me, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

He still wants me!

I glance at his sexy motorcycle when I climb out of his car and I smirk, remembering this afternoon.  He smiles down at me and kisses my hand.  “I’m looking forward to doing that again,” he murmurs.

Oh, me too!

“Do you want dessert?” Nate asks me once we get inside the apartment.