“Momma doesn’t like our food,” Nate teased, poking DJ in the ribs playfully.

I gulped, pulling myself from my thoughts. “I do,” I lied, quickly shoving some more in my mouth, still watching them. My eyes were prickling with tears and I willed myself not to cry all because the most important thing in my life was hanging around my boyfriend’s neck, giggling hysterically.

“You two want some of this?” I asked, nodding at my tray, feeling guilty that I was eating and they weren’t. DJ was probably starving, he always ate early.

Nate shook his head. “We already ate a couple of hours ago.”

I almost choked on my toast when I realised he’d been up with DJ for a couple of hours and had made him breakfast. He just got better and better.

“What time did you get up?” I asked, swallowing quickly.

“Not sure. Long enough to watch Mickey Mouse, eat Poptarts and then watch Toy Story.”

“A little while then,” I said breathlessly.

Nate nodded, smiling. “Think I could grab a shower?” he asked, looking at me hopefully.

“Sure, there are towels in the cabinet in there.” I tried extremely hard not to think of the fact that he was about to get na**d in my apartment.

He smiled and lifted DJ off his lap, setting him on the bed, ruffling up his hair before he leant in and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes at the feel of it, tilting my head up, wanting him to move down to my lips, but he pulled back, and I felt the bed shift where he got up. I smiled and watched his perfectly fine ass as he sauntered out of the room.

I turned back to DJ. “You have a good time with Nate?” I asked, finishing up my last piece of toast.

He grinned and nodded. “Nate said next time he comes over I can put his handcuffs on.” He looked so excited that I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Wow, you’re lucky, DJ.” I couldn’t help but wonder whether Nate would let me put the handcuffs on too.

“Think he’ll let me shoot his gun?” he asked with wide, excited eyes.

I laughed nervously and shook my head. “I don’t think so, Baby.”

He frowned dejectedly before he suddenly brightened. “I’ll just wait until I’m a cop and then I’ll have my own gun.”

“You want to be a cop now?” I asked, rolling my eyes. His chosen profession usually changed about once a week. It varied from builder, painter, doctor to chef; depending on what we were doing at the time. He’d never said cop before.

He pursed his lips and settled himself in my bed. “Yeah, then me and Nate could arrest all the bad guys, and be partners like Buzz and Woody.”

I draped my arm around his shoulder, squeezing him to me tightly, praying that Nate wouldn’t break both of our hearts. I tried my hardest to hold on to those two little words.

What if…

An hour later I was dressed and had just finished packing up DJ’s overnight bag. Nate and DJ were stretched out on the floor of the lounge, a big box of Lego tipped out all over the place as they made some model together. DJ was watching Nate intently; he seemed to be copying his every movement – if Nate crossed his ankles or scratched his head, then DJ did it too. I was pretty sure Nate had no idea DJ was mimicking him.

I couldn’t look away. It was probably the sweetest, most adorable thing I’d ever seen in my life. My eyes took in everything, the way Nate’s clothes clung to him in all the right places, the way his muscles flexed as he moved and added another piece. The puzzled look on his face as they searched for the block they wanted. How he laughed and bumped my son’s shoulder with his when DJ had said that the model looked like a house, when apparently they were making a car.

Then I took in DJ as he looked at Nate, his grin, the twinkle to his eyes as he laughed. The sound of their laughter melted together perfectly. A child’s laughter is probably one of the most beautiful sounds that a mother could hear, and my baby’s laughter mixed with Nate’s actually made my skin prickle and my heart ache in my chest. I’d never once seen Josh just do this kind of thing with his son. If they ever played, it lasted for a few minutes before Josh would start talking to me or flirting. It was a little heart-breaking really that Josh was such a useless father. DJ certainly deserved better.

I smiled over at them; the contrast between the pair lying on the floor was so distinct that it was almost comical. Nate was so tall and lean and mouth-wateringly perfect, with his blond hair, blue eyes and creamy skin. Then there was DJ with his brown hair and eyes like mine, and his dad’s naturally tanned skin. They were so different, but for some reason that made them look even more beautiful together.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed myself away from the wall where I’d been leaning for the last few minutes, just staring at the pair of them, and forced myself to stop thinking about things so deeply all the time. If I wasn’t careful, I’d end up wasting the time that I did have with Nate because I was too busy worrying about him leaving me.

I headed over to them and smiled as I sat on the sofa, resting my foot on Nate’s back, slipping it up the back of his T-shirt. He looked over his shoulder at me and smiled, and I immediately got butterflies in my stomach.

Practically as soon as I’d sat down, my intercom buzzed, and I jumped up to get it, immediately buzzing up Josh and waiting by the door for him. I glanced at Nate nervously. The last time they met, Josh had done his usual flirting routine, and Nate had told me he hadn’t liked it. Hopefully they wouldn’t be too awkward around each other today in front of DJ.

“Hey.” Josh smiled, stepping into the apartment like he owned the place as usual.

“Morning, Josh. Come on in,” I said sarcastically.

As soon as he laid eyes on his dad, DJ jumped to his feet, running full pelt across the room to him and jumped into his arms. “Hey, Buddy!” Josh greeted, grinning and hugging him tightly.

Nate pushed himself to his feet. By the way his jaw was set I could tell he would never like Josh.

I winced, praying they wouldn’t show DJ there was animosity between them. “Nate, you remember Josh, right? Josh, my boyfriend, Nate,” I said weakly, waving my hand at them both in turn.

Nate nodded, his gorgeous blue eyes locked onto Josh. They seemed to be having some kind of unspoken conversation. Part of me wanted to know what was going on, but another part of me wanted to stay the heck out of it. I had enough to worry about without two testosterone fuelled males being thrown into the mix!

“Yeah. Hi, Josh, how are you?” Nate asked, his voice tight and controlled.

I smiled because he was making such an effort; I knew it was only for mine and DJ’s benefit. It was probably incredibly hard for him to have his girlfriend’s ex thrust in his face all the time – I wasn’t sure how well I would cope being confronted with one of his ex’s all the time.

Josh made a sort of snorting sound, so I turned to him, seeing that he was sneering at Nate distastefully. “I’m great,” Josh muttered, not bothering to return the pleasantries. He turned to look at DJ, who was still in his arms, thankfully blissfully unaware of the tension that seemed to be hanging in the air around us. “You ready to go, Buddy?”

DJ looked at me, as if asking if he was ready to go. I nodded. “Go to the bathroom before you go, Baby, so you don’t have to get Daddy to stop. Then get your bag off your bed, okay?” I forced a smile. I hated to see him leave and missed him like crazy, but I didn’t want him to know that otherwise he would probably get upset thinking that I was upset.

Josh put him down, giving him a little push towards his bedroom. “Do as Momma says then.”

As soon as DJ was out of earshot, I turned to Josh. “Did you bring that money for the ticket?” I asked quietly.

He frowned and shook his head. “Bunny, I can’t. Things are tight at the moment; I haven’t got it.”

My heart sank.

“But you promised you’d pay for it. I already told him he could go. You promised you’d sort this out.” I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to cry.

“Rosie, I haven’t got it, my car broke down in the week and I had to pay out to get it fixed. If I had the money, I’d give it to you. How much was it anyway?” he asked, looking at me apologetically.

“Fifty bucks. Josh, please, I already told Maria he could go, I think she’s getting the tickets on Monday. Please, please can you get it? He’s so excited, don’t do this to him, please,” I begged helplessly. There was no way I could pay for it; I could barely afford to live as it was. Josh had promised he would pay for DJ’s ticket to go and see Disney on Ice with a friend of mine and her children.

“What happened to the hundred I gave you like two weeks ago?” he asked, frowning.

“I spent it already,” I answered.

He frowned. “On what?”

“He needed new shoes and a jacket.”

“You spent a hundred bucks on new shoes and a jacket?” he snapped, looking at me like I was stupid.

I frowned angrily. “No, I spent twenty-three bucks on shoes and a jacket that were on sale, and the rest of it went towards childcare, which, by the way, barely even covered me for a week. So don’t you dare start with all that wasting money shit. Do you have any idea how much having a child costs?” I asked angrily, whilst still trying to keep my voice down in case DJ heard.

“Costs a f**king bomb that’s how much it costs. That’s why I never have any money,” he answered, frowning angrily at me.

I looked at him in shock. “You think you have it hard? You pay me a hundred and fifty bucks a month, Josh, that doesn’t even cover his food for goodness’ sake!” He had no idea how hard it was being single parent, working as hard as you can but still knowing that your wages weren’t enough to cover the bills each month. I hated to rely on people for anything, especially Josh, but I didn’t have a choice. If he didn’t pay my child support then DJ and I wouldn’t be able to get through the month – that was why I put up with his worthless ass.

He sighed and shook his head. “Let’s not get into this argument in front of your boy toy.” He jutted his chin in Nate’s direction, sneering lightly. I glanced over at Nate apologetically, but he wasn’t looking at me, he was looking at Josh angrily, his whole body tense.

Wow, if looks could kill…

I turned my attention back to Josh. “Fine, but can you get me the money for the ticket? Ask your mom for a loan or something?” I pleaded.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to, Bunny.” He didn’t even look that bothered about it, and I felt my anger rise in my throat.

“You f**king asshole! You promised me you’d pay for it. The only reason I agreed that he could go was because you told me it wasn’t a problem. He already knows about it now, Josh! Why did you let me tell him and build his hopes up if you knew you wouldn’t be able to come through on it? Do you know how much he’s looking forward to it?” I cried angrily. My hand clenched. I wanted to punch him in his sorry face.

“I didn’t know I wouldn’t be able to afford it when I agreed. He’ll get over it; it’s not the end of the world, it’s just a show.” He rolled his eyes.

“Not to him it’s not! You’re a waste of space father sometimes, Josh, you really are,” I hissed, swiping at the tear that fell down my face.

“Oh get a grip, Rosie. The boy will live without seeing Disney on f**king Ice.” He threw his hands up in exasperation.

DJ skipped back into the room, smiling, with his bag on his back. I wiped my face quickly before picking him up and putting on a fake smile so he wouldn’t know anything was wrong.

“Momma, why are you crying?” he asked, looking at me worriedly.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “I’m being silly. I’m just gonna miss you, that’s all,” I lied smoothly.

He hugged me tightly. “I won’t go then, if you’re sad.”

I smiled at how sweet he was, and rubbed his back. “I’m fine, DJ. You have to go because otherwise your daddy will be upset. And Nanna Juliet, she’ll be sad too if you don’t go there to see her.”

He smiled but still looked a little worried. “Yeah, I know. I’ll bring you back a cake from Nanna Juliet’s,” he said before turning to Josh. “We will be baking cakes at Nanna’s, won’t we, Daddy?”

Josh nodded. “Probably, Buddy, she loves to bake cakes with you.”

I kissed his cheek and set him down on his feet, avoiding eye contact with Josh so I wouldn’t get angry and upset again. DJ smiled up at Nate. “I’ll bring you a cake back too if you want. Nanna Juliet makes the bestest cakes ever,” he enthused.

Nate laughed, smiling warmly at him. “Sure, Kid, sounds great.”

I cleared my throat, willing my voice to come out normal and not like a hysterical banshee like I actually felt like. “Okay, so I’ve put a change of clothes and stuff in his bag for tomorrow, spare pyjamas just in case. Woody’s in there too. You’ll be feeding him before you bring him home tomorrow?” I asked, finally making eye cntact with Josh, feeling anger bubble up again at the sight of his stupid face.

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Okay, great. Just remember he goes to bed for seven thirty so if he could be home before then,” I rambled, biting my lip, thinking everything through to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything.

“Yep, home before seven thirty. We can manage that, right, Buddy?” He held a hand down to DJ, who took it, grinning and nodding along with his dad.

I sighed. I hated this goodbye part, even if it was only for a day. “Okay, well bye, Baby. Have a great time with Daddy, don’t eat too much candy and go straight to sleep, no fooling around tonight. Love you.” I bent down and hugged DJ tightly, kissing his cheek again.