The moonlight is just touching his body, and I can see all the hard grooves of his muscles. The sheet is down around his waist, and so I have a perfect, clear view of the body that has changed so much since I last saw it, but it’s still equally as delicious. I step in quietly, walking over to the bed and glancing down at his face, which is surprisingly soft in the dull glow of light.

I swallow the thick lump in my throat and turn to walk away, when a hand lashes out and catches my wrist. I stop and look back to see Max staring over at me with sleepy, hooded eyes. “What’re you doin’, baby?” he murmurs.

My heart swells and explodes at the words, because it’s as if he’s forgotten that I was never gone, and is treating me the way he always used to. He tugs my hand and I step forward. He flicks the covers back and pulls me into the bed, and I don’t fight it. I need him more than my next breath. He tucks me into his side and my cheek rests against his hot, hard chest.

“Max?” I whisper.

“Mmmm?”

“Thank you for tonight.”

“Anytime, Blue Belle.”

His voice, low and husky, makes my heart swell and burst. I put an arm over his belly and flatten my hand out on the hard muscle there. He stiffens a little, as if my touch surprises him. I swallow and try to push back the needy feelings I’m having towards him right now. It’s not right that I should want him; it’s not right that I need him. I just lost my mother.

But the comfort having his body in mine brings is calling to me more than it ever has.

I try to close my eyes, try to push the thought away and tell myself it’s inappropriate to want such a thing at a time like this, but I can’t fight it. I try, but I can’t. My hand moves of its own accord, sliding over his smooth, hard stomach. It goes up and down his chest, feeling the hard ridges of muscle, before dipping below the waistband of his boxers.

“Belle,” he grinds out as I curl my fingers around his hard cock.

“Please, Max,” I whisper against his skin. “I need you. I need you more in this moment than I have needed anything in my entire life. I miss you. God, I miss you so much.”

He flinches. “Baby . . .”

“I love you, Max. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I failed you. I’m sorry I wasn’t the wife I promised to be. I’m sorry I let you suffer on your own . . .”

He rolls quickly, pressing his lips to mine, stopping any further words escaping my tear-stained lips. He kisses me soft, slow and deep. He moves as if I’m made of breakable china, and even though that’s sweet, I don’t want him to handle me as if he’s going to break me. I want him to handle me as if he’s been starved of me for years.

“Don’t be gentle, Max,” I whisper against his throat as he moves his body over mine. “I won’t break, I won’t hurt. I just want you to give me every single thing you’ve held back.”

“You’re hurtin’, Blue Belle.”

“So take it away.”

I reach down between us and take his cock, stroking it firmly, but in quick, hard successions. He grunts and takes my wrist, pulling it back and bringing it up, placing it on his chest where I can feel his heart pounding.

“I’m not going to fuck you, Ana,” he growls against my skin. “I’ll put my dick inside you, but it won’t be fucking.”

“Please,” I plead, running my hands down his arms. “Please let me have what I need.”

“You don’t need that.”

“I do need that.”

He makes a displeased noise in his throat and frustration gets the better of me. I don’t want him to be gentle; he’s treating me as if I don’t know what I want. I’ve been without my husband for years now. One quick fuck in a dark parking lot does not count as having him. I want him, right now, where we are, deep inside me.

“If you won’t fuck me, Max,” I hiss, sliding my body from beneath his, “then I’ll fuck you.”

I place my hands on his shoulders and push him until he falls to his back. He stares at me, probably a little in shock, and doesn’t protest when I climb on top of him. I grab his face in my hands and I kiss him hard and deep, tangling my tongue with his, marking how he tastes in my memory. I shuffle out of my clothes, not wanting foreplay, just wanting him. His cock is already free, so I waste no time curling my hand around it and raising myself up until he’s positioned right at my core.

Then I slowly sink down onto him.

“Fuck,” he grinds out.

“Yes,” I pant.

I stretch and burn around him, but it feels like heaven, fucking heaven, as he fills me. When he’s deep inside, I start rocking, slow at first, letting myself get used to his size again, then I go harder. I fuck him so hard it’s almost frantic. It’s as if the faster I go, the more I can forget the horror of the past few weeks. My skin slaps against his, my moans fill the room, but I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop.

“Jesus, Belle, stop!” he grunts, grabbing my hips and trying to slow me down.

“No,” I pant, rocking harder and faster. “No, Max, I need to forget. Make me forget.”

“Fuck.”

His cock is swelling inside me and I know it feels good, I know it does. So I go faster, until I’m riding him like a woman gone wild.

“No, stop it.”

He lifts me off him and throws me down onto the bed beside him before I even know what’s happening. He flips around and brings his body over mine, taking my hands and pinning them above my head.

“You’re not going to do this—fuck away the pain. If you want me inside you, Blue Belle, I’ll be there, but it’ll be my way.”

He spreads my legs, and I’m too busy panting to be able to fight him. My mind is spinning and I honestly don’t know where the hell I’m at.

Max reaches down and swipes his fingers between my folds, as if checking if I’m wet. When he’s satisfied, he slowly slides his cock back in, this time gentle and careful. It feels amazing, and I close my eyes, swimming in the pleasure.

“Slowly,” he grinds out. “Feel every part of me.”

“Please,” I beg, clutching his arms. “Max, please.”

“Fucking you slow, baby. Accept it.”

“I just,” I sob brokenly. “I want it to stop.”

He cups my face in his hands, pressing his forehead to mine. That act alone brings a flood of warmth into my soul. It’s what I’ve needed. “It’ll stop. I promise you it’ll stop.”

“Without you, nothing will stop, Max.”

“Hush.”

He kisses my lips and I cling to him, wrapping my legs around him, pulling him close, wanting every part of my body against his. He kisses me so deep as he starts moving, sliding his length in and out. I relish in the thickness, in the swelling it causes between my thighs. I want all of him, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to get enough.

Feeling Max inside me isn’t bringing me the comfort I’m so desperately seeking, but it is bringing me incredible pleasure. The more he moves, rocking his hips, the closer I come to an explosive release. I let my hands roam his body, I let my lips devour his mouth, and I let my husband give me something I have no doubt we’ve both thought about for years.