“She was bleeding,” I clarify. “She didn’t know I would see her.”

“He doesn’t hit women, Tiernan.” Noah passes me, pulling the ibuprofen out of the cabinet. “Unless they’re hysterical and keeping him from saving their lives,” he replies, dumping a couple tablets into my hand and meeting my eyes. “You told him to do it.”

I stick the pills in my mouth and swallow them dry, feeling them scratch against my throat.

Yeah, I told him to.

The second time.

I told him to hit me, partly because it dulled the pain and partly because...

I drop my eyes. Partly because I liked it. I liked the anger and the desire to hit him back, because even though it hurt, I was here. I was in it, and I never wanted it to stop. I never wanted that feeling to stop.

Pain always reminds us that we’re alive. And the fear along with it that we want to stay that way.

Kaleb is like that. If nothing else, he reminds me that I’m more than I think I am.

But when he held my face after the slap, and kissed me so softly, my heart immediately sank into my belly, and I forgot everything.

I forgot why I should keep as far away from him as I can.

I run my hand through my hair, chewing on my lip as the alcohol dulls the pain in my arm.

“I want Jake,” I whisper to myself.

What if this still gets infected? He would know what to do. They can’t handle this. Volatile, irresponsible…

“He’s not who had your tongue in his mouth minutes ago,” Noah spits out, looking over his shoulder at me as he fills a pitcher. “You liked us then.”

I shift on my feet, looking away.

But he turns, wiping his hands on a towel. “You know, it just occurred to me.” His eyes crinkle as he studies me. “I’m actually the only man in this house who hasn’t hit you,” he states. “And I’m the one you don’t want. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

I narrow my eyes as his words hit. That’s not… What?

I don’t…

“Maybe if I take you over my knee, too, you’ll get wet?” he asks.

And then my face falls. He saw us. He saw his father spanking me that night.

My heart thumps in my chest, and I watch him shake his head, the first actual sign of disdain I’ve seen come off Noah, and it’s directed at me.

He’s pissed now.

My mind goes back to moments ago—Kaleb’s lips so gentle and Noah’s mouth so warm.

Moments ago, he loved me. I love you. You’re so fucking ours. We love you.

I think he was even crying, because he hated me hurting that much and hated not being able to take the pain away.

My arm still throbs, but I feel better than I did.

They took care of me. Not Jake. They handled this.

Noah thinks I don’t see him.

He turns around to fill another pitcher as Kaleb cleans the table, and I stare at them both, barely noticing when the lights go out.

The kitchen goes black, the outdoor lights outside the window dying in the storm, as well, and the boys stop what they’re doing as the snow falls in the dark night and the house goes silent.

Noah throws a hand towel down. “Jesus, fuck.”

Kaleb stalks out of the kitchen, heading to the laundry room, and I watch Noah pull off his shirt and toss it down as he works the faucet.

“All we’ve got left is the hot water in the tank,” he gripes. “Fuck.”

I ball my fists, my arms feeling so empty all of a sudden.

I take a step, slowly walking up behind Noah.

And I slide my arms around his waist.

“Noah is always warm,” I say in a low voice. “He’s the one I love to talk to.”

He stills, and I rest my forehead in his back as my arms wrap around him and my hands touch his warm torso.

I see you.

“He’s the one who smiles at me and always makes me feel like my lungs are full.”

The wind blows through the attic, creaking through the quiet, dark house, and he’s barely breathing.

“My arms fit around him perfectly, and I love to watch him cook. I just want to stay in the kitchen and watch him all the time.” I smile to myself, breathing in his scent. “He smells good enough to eat, and I didn’t want him to the leave the shower that day before we went fishing. I wanted him to touch me.”

His chest caves, and I look down to see his fists curl into the wooden counter.

I swallow. “I even fantasized about it,” I whisper. “About us in the shower, hiding in there every morning and keeping our secret.”

He whips around, anger straining his face. He grabs me under my arms and lifts me up on my tiptoes.

I gasp as he brings us nose to nose.

“I was so wet for you on the couch the night of my birthday,” I whisper between us. “So wet.”

I do want you.

Something clanks on the floor behind me, and Noah glares down at me, looking like he’s about to lose his mind. He looks like Kaleb when he looks at me like this.

Lifting me up, he plops me down in a tin tub, my toes curling into the rusty surface.

“Don’t talk anymore,” he says.

It sounds like a threat, though. I tense.

“I have to—”

“Shhh.” He releases me, pressing his finger to my mouth. All the air rushes out of me.

His eyes pierce, and I don’t know what he’s going to do, but I know what he wants. This Noah kind of scares me.

My thighs clench. I have to go to the bathroom.

But I’m not leaving. I don’t want to break the spell.

Kaleb stands off to my side, and all I can see are his legs, because I’m too scared to look at his face.

I shift on my feet in the tub.

The tin tub, I think to myself.

The pitchers of hot water.

This is a bath.

Noah lifts the hem of my shirt, pausing just a moment to give me time to stop him, but I just stare at the floor as he finally lifts it over my head.

I hear his intake of breath as the cool air hits my breasts and my shirt falls to the floor. Kaleb’s eyes burn my skin from where he stands in the darkness, and I can barely breathe.

Yes.

The silvery feeling between legs grows heavier, and I rub my thighs together. Slowly, Noah smooths my hair, parting it on the back, and I stand there as he braids it.

“Don’t want to give you a wet head,” he says, strained.

My nipples harden to points as he braids one side and then the other, Kaleb starting to circle me like a shark. I still wear the ribbon I stole from his room.

Noah wraps one of the cheap rubber bands from the drawer around the final tail and plays, flipping up my braids. “She’s cute like this,” he tells Kaleb. “Don’t you think?”

The tails tickle my skin, and I look up in time to see Noah wet his thumb and then rub circles on my left nipple, toying with the sharp, little point.

I groan, crossing my legs against the burn. “I’m gonna pee my pants.”

“Then the pants have to go,” he replies calmly.

I close my eyes for a moment. I’m not sure if I have to go to the bathroom or I’m just nervous.

He lowers to one knee and looks up at me as he pulls my shorts down. I step out of them, feeling Kaleb like a threat as he stops and watches.

Noah reaches up again, taking my light blue silk panties and pulling them down my legs, my body bare for them.