Everyone wants this to happen.

As he leans in, though, I plant my hands on his chest. “No.”

I shake my head, keeping him back.

“You love him?” he asks.

“I don’t know.” I frown.

I don’t love you, though. Not like that.

Noah needs his brother a lot more than he needs me. I don’t want to be in the middle.

“Don’t use all the hot water,” I say, and I leave the room.

Heading downstairs, I go for the kitchen to check the stew in the crock pot, but a faint yell hits my ears, and I look up, seeing Jake on the phone.

“If you don’t put her on the phone, I swear I will have her airlifted out of there!”

“Jesus, fuck,” Jake growls, pulling the receiver away from his ear and glaring at me. “Tiernan…”

He tosses me the phone, holding his coffee in his other hand.

“I don’t want that woman calling here anymore,” he tells me. “Answer your phone.”

Huh?

I hold the phone to my ear.

“That woman?” Mirai repeats in disdain. “What does that mean? He’s a barbarian.”

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she snips, suddenly realizing I’m on the line. “Happy holidays, Tiernan.”

I wince. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

We’ve been sticking to email and texting for the last ten weeks, and even though she’s called, I haven’t answered. I didn’t feel like conversation. With texting, we can state our business quickly without trying to make up shit to talk about.

“Tiernan…”

“I’m really sorry,” I tell her again. “I’ve just been…”

“Living your life,” she finishes for me. “I get it. You’re not getting rid of me, though, okay?”

“I know.” I lean on the island as Jake hangs back, looking in the fridge and trying to look like he’s not eavesdropping. “You got my present, right?”

She lets out a laugh. “Yes. Very generous. You saying I need a vacation?”

“Or an affair,” I tease. “A raging, hot, and mad affair with a man. Or men.”

Jake turns his head, looking at me over his shoulder.

I bought Mirai a trip to Fiji. Her and a plus one.

“What do you know?” Mirai laughs again.

“Is she hot?” Jake whispers to me.

I glance at him, the aggravation on his face suddenly gone. I roll my eyes.

“So, are you happy?” she asks.

Noah turns on music upstairs, and Jake lifts the lid of my stew, dipping his spoon in for a sample. Tonight, they’re making me watch Starship Troopers for the first time. I’m warm, well-fed, and loved.

There’s nothing I need that’s missing.

But still, I drop my eyes. “Almost,” I murmur.

We talk for a bit, and she lets me know that Mr. Eusola contacted her about the gossip rag and they got the newspaper to print a retraction, as well as fire the reporter. Hopefully, it sets an example that I’m not interested in tolerating rumors about my parents for the rest of my life.

After we hang up, I check on the dinner, adding the potatoes in I peeled this morning.

Washing my hands, I stare out the window, seeing how the snow around the driveway has started to slush. We still have more storms coming, but the past few days have been a nice reprieve from the bitter temperatures.

I lean in, peering up at what I can see of the sky. The clouds look heavy. More snow on the way.

I feel Jake behind me, and I look back, seeing him gazing out the window, as well.

He looks down, something intimate in how his eyes drop to my mouth.

He takes a step back. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

We haven’t been together since before the fire. I’ve been sleeping alone since Kaleb left.

I dry my hands as he takes a sip of coffee.

“Another storm’s coming,” he says.

I nod, staring past the trees. It’s starting to get dark.

“Has he ever been gone this long?”

I hate that I asked, but I’ve wanted to ask every day. It’s been over two months. Has he ever missed Christmas? Does he ever stay in this long?

“No,” Jake finally answers.

“Aren’t you worried?”

He pauses, his voice quiet as he explains. “I’m not taking you that deep into the woods in the winter. And we can’t leave you here alone. If he isn’t back by the time you leave, then I’ll go in.”

By the time I leave…

For the first time, it hits me. I may not see Kaleb again.

“Tiernan, I want you to take Noah with you when you leave here,” Jake says.

I turn. “What about you?”

He’s relenting? Noah’s desperate to leave. When did he finally come to terms with it?

And Kaleb’s gone. If I take Noah, then Jake will be alone.

He simply looks down at me, a resigned half-smile playing on his lips. “I’ll be okay.”

I blink away the burn in my eyes. I don’t want Jake to be alone here. If Kaleb has survived in there this long, he may never return. Picturing Jake alone this time next winter… It aches.

I reach up on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around him, feeling his hands reach around me, too.

Holding his head, I bury my nose in his cheek, a sob lodged in my throat. I open my mouth, nearly going for his. I want to kiss him. I want to take care of him and give him love, because he’s going to die up here, never sharing his life with anyone.

I can make him feel good.

His mouth hovers over mine, and I know he wants it. His fingers dig into my waist.

But the hair at the back of his scalp is too short. It scratches my hand, not like Kaleb’s soft black hair.

Slowly, I drop my arms, and he pulls me in, hugging me instead.

I wrap my arms around him and close my eyes. I can’t leave him alone. Either, Noah stays, or Jake comes, too, or…

I don’t know.

I wander back upstairs alone. What’s going to happen when the roads open in eight or so weeks? It’s not much time. Is this how it ends?

Standing at the bottom of Kaleb’s stairs, I look up at his door. I haven’t opened it since December. No one has, but nothing has changed, I’m sure. Still cold, but probably a little dustier.

I climb the stairs.

The faint light out of the window casts the room in twilight, and I close the door behind me, rubbing my arms against the chill. I walk over to the fireplace and take a couple logs, laying them inside with some kindling. Swiping a match on the mantel, I light the fire and watch as the flames grow, warmth and light immediately drifting toward me.

The soft glow flickers across the floor, and I take the match, lighting a few candles he has set on the mantel and one by his bed.

Kaleb has candles. Heh.

I flip on his old iPod dock, an Amber Run song starting to play as I walk over to the bed and fan out the blanket and sheet, freshening them up. I fall on top, lying down and staring up at the ceiling as I reach around and caress my cheek.

Like he did when he carried me to his bed.

My heart aches.

I close my eyes, tears hanging at the corners. Mine. He’s mine. He should’ve stayed and fought with me.

I lie for a while, staring off and letting my mind wander. The room darkens as the sun sets, but it warms with the fire, and I don’t know where the time goes, but finally, I hear a knock on the door.