“Yeah. Proposed to her three months into the relationship. Not too smart.”

“She’s gorgeous.”

“You’re prettier,” he said without hesitation.

“And you’re a fucking liar.”

“I have no reason to lie. I’ve seen her without makeup. I’ve seen you without makeup. I’m telling you that you’re prettier.”

From the pictures I’d seen, Piper was blonde, thin and conventionally beautiful. With my unruly auburn waves and curvy frame, I looked nothing like her.

“How can you say that? She’s a friggin supermodel. How can I possibly compete with that?”

“Your beauty is more natural. You don’t need a drop of makeup. Your hair is out of place and wild. Sexy. The freckles scattered across your nose give you character. I mentally play connect the dots with them. When you move, your tits move with you because they’re not fake. And don’t get me started on your ass. Shall I go on?”

Feeling suddenly shy, I grinned nervously and briefly looked away before asking, “What happened with her?”

“Well, as you know from your stalking me, Piper’s a small celebrity in her own right. I’d met her at a nightclub right around the time I was first signed to the team. She stuck by me for a while after the injury. She really enjoyed the limelight that came along with my sudden and odd fame. But as the months went on, her excitement started to wear off. I wasn’t enough for her anymore. When I’d gone through a bit of a depression, I stopped wanting to go out. She kept on with it and eventually took up with one of my teammates behind my back. She’s married to him now with two kids.”

“Wow. What a cunt.”

Chance bent his head back in laughter. “Princess, did you just use the C word?”

“Yup. First time in my life, but it was worth it.”

“I didn’t know you had such a dirty mouth.”

“Neither did I, but damn, it felt good to say it.”

“I liked hearing you say it. I think you should shout it out into the vast wide open canyon in fact.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah. Do it. Do it! Shout it out.”

“Cunt!”

“Say it again louder!”

“Cunt!” my voice echoed.

“Again.”

“CUNT!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.

We heard a thump against the window coming from the car parked just behind us. Chance hopped up to check on things. “Ah, crap. You scared the shit out of Mutton. He just dropped down.”

“Oh no.”

“That’s not all.”

“What is it?” I got up and ran toward him.

“When I say scared the shit out of him…I now mean literally. Bugger took a dump all over your backseat.”

“What?”

After Chance did his best to clean the mess with some Wet Ones wipes, the mood of our Grand Canyon excursion had officially been ruined. It was getting too dark to enjoy it anyway.

“Do you mind if we don’t camp tonight?” I asked. “I’d like to shower and sleep in a bed.”

“What do you say we go find a hotel near here, have a nice dinner, hot showers and call it a night. I’d like to sleep in your bed, too.”

“What did you say?”

“I said I’d like to sleep in a bed, too.”

“Oh.”

“What if we can’t find a hotel that will let us take him in?”

“We definitely won’t. So, we’re gonna have to sneak him in.”

Chance stopped at a drugstore on the way to the hotel while I waited in the car. When he returned, he handed me a plastic bag containing bottles of water, snacks, duct tape and…diapers.

“You bought diapers?”

“Yes. Huggies Pull Ups. We’re figuring out how to put one on him, especially if he’s got the runs, and we’re taking him into a nice hotel.”

“I can’t believe I hadn’t thought about this problem before. Had he not gone to the bathroom all this time?”

Chance pointed back behind us. “Did you see how much he shit just now? He was backed up for days!”

We both broke out into hysterical laughter, wiping tears from our eyes. When we finally calmed down, Chance started the car and drove toward the highway.

Somewhere in the middle of Arizona, Chance pulled into the parking lot of a pretty high end hotel about ten minutes off the interstate. After I got our room keys, we came up with a plan where I would distract the front desk clerk while Chance snuck the goat in. He’d wrapped him in one of my comforters and sped past the desk and into the elevator.