Once it’s just the two of us, I back Avalon against the side of her jeep and run my hand up her neck, before gently wrapping it around her throat. “That’s just who I am.”

She closes her eyes and breathes against my lips. “And I like who you are, Royal. You make me feel safe; yet fill me with excitement at the same time. I like not knowing what to expect next from you.” She opens her eyes to look at me. “You’re special. So fucking special. Fuck what others think and fuck what you think, dammit. Your heart is good. There’s no monster inside of you.” She whispers the last part.

“What makes you so sure of that?” I question tensely. “There are things you don’t fucking know about me.”

“Then tell me,” she snaps. Her hands reach up to squeeze my arm. “Tell me something about you that I don’t know; anything at all. I just want to know about you.”

I swallow hard and lower my head, brushing it against the side of her face. “You know why I hate this world?”

She shakes her head.

“Because my fiancé was fucking taken from me,” I choke out. “I wasn’t there and she was taken from me. Fuck!” I slam the palm of my hand into the side of her jeep. “I . . .” I shake my head, unable to get the next words out.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “You don’t have to keep going. Royal . . .” She grabs my face in both hands and forces me to look up at her. “I’m always here if you need me. You don’t have to tell me what happened today, but know that when you’re ready I’ll be here. I promise.”

Her words cause my heart to race, and an overwhelming feeling to be close to her takes over, causing me to fist her hair and bury my face into her soft neck.

She doesn’t ask questions or choose to speak in this moment. She just holds me as if she knows what I need . . . and she’s right.

We stay like this for a while, before I finally get my shit together and pull away. “I need to go,” I say tensely, while removing her hands from me. “Go inside, please.”

“Royal . . .” She reaches for my face, but I pull away and run my hands over my face.

“Avalon, just go inside. I’m not leaving until you do, dammit.”

She stands firm and looks at me. “Then I’m not going inside. I want you to stay. Royal–”

“No the fuck you don’t,” I bark out. “Just take my word for it. Now go.”

“Fuck you,” she replies. “Don’t tell me what I want. That’s my job.”

Growling out in frustration, I pick her up and throw her over my shoulder, storming my way up to the front door.

With one hand I reach out and open the door, before walking through the house in search of her bedroom.

“What are you doing?” She slaps my ass repeatedly. “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.”

Madison appears in the hallway, looking at me in confusion.

“Where’s her bedroom?”

“Don’t tell him, Madi,” Avalon says quickly.

“Ooohhh . . . this looks fun.” Madison points out Avalon’s room. “Right there. Sorry, Sweets, but this game looks fun.”

Hurrying to her door, I push it open and toss her onto the bed, before stripping her down to her panties and bra.

“What the fuck?” Avalon sits up on her bed as I start walking toward the door.

“It’s fucking late. All I wanted you to do was go inside so I could leave.” I look her body over, fighting with everything in me not to take her right now, burying myself so deep that it fucking hurts. “Goodnight.”

Before I can lose my willpower, I slam her door closed behind me and rush out the door and toward my truck, getting in.

Gripping the steering wheel, I race out of the driveway before she can get dressed and come try to stop me.

I was so fucking close to telling her everything. She has no idea what kinds of emotions that stirs up for me.

Then she held me. She fucking held me, and it felt so damn good. I needed to get out of there before I lost myself to her.

Fuck! She’s slowly breaking me down and making it hard for me not to want to keep her . . .

I’VE BEEN SITTING IN MY truck for the last twenty minutes, just staring over at Olivia’s headstone, while practically fucking talking to myself and hoping that she’s listening.

It hurts so damn bad to think that I could care for another woman the same way that I cared for her. I promised her that I’d only ever love her. I fought every day to show her that, and now look what the fuck I’m doing.

I’m letting another woman into my heart and letting her cloud my thoughts, breaking down my rage, and quieting some of the demons in my head . . . the demons that are supposed to lead me to Brian.

Getting to Brian has been my sole purpose for two fucking years, and now that Avalon’s entered my fucking life, it’s second to wanting to be close to her and keep her safe.

“What the fuck is wrong with me, Olivia?” I grip the steering wheel, squeezing so hard that my knuckles turn white. “I know I promised to always love you and Hadley and that’s a promise that I will keep until my very last breath. Never doubt that. But . . .” I lean my head back into the seat and close my eyes, before running my hands over my face. “She’s getting to me, baby. She makes me feel peace in my darkest moments and understands me when others don’t. It’s like she sees some sort of good in me and isn’t willing to let that go. Avalon is strong like you and doesn’t back down from what she believes in. She’s the only light in my darkness besides you and Hadley; a small taste of heaven in this hell I’ve been living in without you two.”

I swallow hard and pull out the CD that Olivia and I used to listen to together. This song was always our way of showing each other how much we loved each other when we were at our worst moments and just needed a reminder.

Wild Horses by The Rolling Stones starts to play.

Lighting a cigarette, I close my eyes and listen in silence, letting the tears slide down my face.

My chest aches so fucking bad that I can barely even manage to smoke my cigarette, but I fight through it, letting my feelings consume me until the song finally ends.

Then I play it on repeat.

It’s another twenty minutes before I finally shut the CD off and look back over at her grave, feeling overcome with my emotions.