“Yeah.” I nodded, getting back up in her face. “Yeah, I did. I got you any way I could. I…”

I stopped, finding myself losing control. I couldn’t say too much.

“You wanted to be powerful,” she said. “You wanted to win. You wanted revenge on my family and to cause pain, and you did. You humiliated me. You wanted to humiliate me. You wanted what you wanted, and you didn’t care about me!”

I stared at her, knowing I would never explain myself.

She thought she knew everything. She thought it was black and white.

She thought I’d wanted to hurt her. She thought I’d meant for people to see that video. She thought I wanted to trick her.

The only motive I had was to be around her, and if I had to lie to get it…

I wasn’t taking responsibility for everything. She liked it.

“’I think I love you,” I said, repeating her words to me all those years ago. “Don’t stop. Please don’t stop. I want you to be my first. It’s okay. Touch me.” I stepped up to her, invading her space and throwing all of her shame back at her. “You’ll be the first to kiss me here.” I flicked her ear. “And here.” I touched her neck. “And here.” I brushed her nipple with my thumb. “I want to feel your body on mine. Am I okay? Am I doing it right? It feels good. Don’t stop. Oh, God. Oh, God. Don’t walk away. Please, I want this. You don’t have to protect me. You want it, too. I’m okay. I want it. I want to feel you so bad.”

I threaded my hand through the back of her hair and fisted it, holding her still. “And then you spread those pretty legs for me.”

“I thought you were someone else!”

“I was,” I challenged. “I was someone you kinda liked.”

She shook her head, more denying herself than me as tears welled in her eyes. “You were a lie,” she said. “And all you are now is pathetic. You didn’t earn a cent of the money you throw around, and those men don’t guard you because you’re Damon Torrance. They guard you because you’re Gabriel’s son. You’re nothing!”

I shook her. Bitch.

“I was proof that people change,” I told her.

“The only thing you’re proof of is that not all males grow up to be men.”

I released her, slamming my hand into the wall behind her. She shoved me away and darted around me, holding out her hands to find the bannister and scurrying up the stairs.

I hesitated for a moment before I ran after her, charging up the stairs.

I caught her and spun her around, holding her in my arms and crushing her to me. “Arion thinks I’m a man,” I told her, keeping my voice low and taunting. “She’ll touch me like I’m a man. She’ll ride me in my bed and swallow me, because she wants what she thinks was yours.”

Her jaw tightened, and she didn’t move other than to breathe.

Do you want her to touch me? Do you even care?

“And she thinks she can do me better and erase you from my memory,” I said.

“I don’t care.”

Her expression was flat, and her voice was mechanical.

I nodded, ignoring the needles in my throat. “Good,” I said, feeling her breath on my mouth. “Because when you hear us tonight, I want you to know it’s because I don’t care, either. There’s nothing of you for her to erase.” I gripped the back of her head again, pressing her forehead into mine. “And in your bed tonight, when it’s late and dark, and the rest of the house is quiet, except for my wife’s moans down the hall and you’re pissed and angry, because you think you hate me, but you slip a hand under the covers anyway, because no one will be the wiser if you indulge yourself in the memory of me, I just want you to also know…” I lowered my voice to a whisper, “that’s what red feels like. Anger and fury and heat and need so strong you’re a fucking animal, Winter. It’s primal.”

A tear spilled out of the corner of her eyes, and I could feel her fucking heart pounding in her chest.

I released her, pushing her away and backing up toward my bedroom. “I’ll fuck her and make you come, too.”

Winter

Seven Years Ago

“I can always tell when they arrive,” I remarked, sticking a nugget to the end of my fork. “You all get so quiet.”

A few laughs go off around the lunch table as Noah, Rika, and the other girls check out the horsemen, whom I’ve also become aware of in my short time here. It was easy to notice when one or all of them entered a room. The chatter changed, there would be a whisper or two, and while I’d love to get caught up in the intrigues of Thunder Bay Prep, it was probably best I couldn’t see how hot they reportedly were. We were freshman, and they were seniors and completely out of our league.

I already had a crush anyway. My insides tingled every time I thought about our escapades in the car and motorcycle last night. I was more than ready for my first kiss, and while I wasn’t sure what his interest in me was, he clearly wasn’t reading my deep-seated, teenage desire for some heat. Maybe he didn’t see me like that at all.

After the motorcycle ride, we got into his car, he took me home, and I went to bed, no one in my family the wiser that I’d even been gone. I thought we would talk more, or I’d get some kind of idea if he’d be back and when, but he didn’t say anything, and neither did I. That wasn’t the last time I’d talk to him, right? I mean, that was no way to say goodbye.

I dreamt of him last night and woke up concocting a hot little fantasy in my head of him finding me years down the road and doing passionate things to me. I ached when I remembered I didn’t want to wait that long to be with him again, though. If ever.

The only bright side I could find in possibly never feeling him again was that your first love was a learning experience. Or so my mom said. They’re not the ones you marry, she told me. They’re the ones who break you, so you can rebuild yourself better. Stronger.

But I didn’t care. I wanted him to come back. I wanted him to hurt me. Just as long as he came back.

“What are they like?” I asked, breaking the silence and trying to change the subject. “The horsemen? Besides Damon, I mean?”

I already had an idea of the tool he’d turned into. I couldn’t believe I’d suspected him to be my ghost. My guy was out of this world. And he didn’t smoke, thank goodness.

“Well, Kai’s the nicest,” Rika’s friend, Claudia, said.

“He’s bad in all the right places, though,” someone else teased.

“He and Damon look a lot alike,” Claudia continued. “Both dark hair and eyes, but Kai’s more…manicured, I guess you could say. Damon always looks like he just shifted back to his human form after being a wolf all night.” She laughed. “His hair and clothes are never in order…”

“And Will?” I asked, trying to get the focus off Damon.

“Will’s nice, too,” Rika chimed in, “but he’s not as sincere as Kai is, I think. He’s good-looking and even better for a laugh. He treats girls better than Damon or Michael do, but…I don’t know.” She trailed off, pensive. “He’s never serious. I don’t think he’s ever had a serious girlfriend like Kai has, has he?”

“Maybe his heart already belongs to someone he can’t have,” Claudia said.

“Aw.”

“Yeah, like Damon,” Noah chuckled. “They’re very close. Like really close, I hear. He keeps Will on a leash. Figuratively speaking.”

“And Michael?” I pressed.

“Michael.”

“Michael.”

“Michael.”

They all sounded off around the table, and I heard Rika heave a sigh to my left.

“Rika knows all about him,” Noah teased.

“Shut up, you guys,” Rika scolded, sounding embarrassed.

After a moment, she spoke up, answering my question. “He’s kind of the leader,” she explained. “Probably on his way to the pros eventually. Light brown hair, golden skin, hazel eyes. Polar opposite of Will. He’s very serious.”

“Hazel eyes. Bedroom eyes,” Claudia taunted. “Rika’s slept in his bed. Did she tell you that?”

Slept in his bed? He had to be eighteen. Or almost anyway.

“I was thirteen,” she explained, “and he put me there. It’s not like he slept there, too. I told you guys that.”

And then she spoke to me. “I grew up around him. Our families are close, so I’m at his house a lot.”

“That’s code for ‘she loves him, will have his babies, and keep your damn paws off’,” Noah told me.

I nodded once, heeding the warning. “Gotcha.”

All of a sudden, music poured out of the speakers and commotion went off around us. People laughed and hooted, and I trained my ears, trying to figure out what was happening.

Was that seriously a Bobby Brown song?

“Oh, my God,” someone said and laughed.

“What?” I asked. “What’s going on?”

“Will Grayson is dancing,” Rika answered, sounding like she was embarrassed for him. “Oh, my God, he’s on a table.”

Everyone in our area broke into laughter, and whatever he was doing must’ve been entertaining.

“My Prerogative” blared, and I couldn’t help but smile and bob my head a little bit. It was a fun choice of music. I’d probably like Will.

“Such a lover, not a fighter,” someone said.

“He’s so hot,” Claudia added.

“If you ever fall for one of them, make it Will or Kai, got it?” Noah said over the table, and I guessed it was to me. “They’ll at least hold you for ten seconds after it’s over.”

I let out a nervous laugh and picked at my food. Okay, maybe I wouldn’t like any of them, after all.

“Guys, be quiet,” Rika said and then to me, “They’re just joking with you.”