He smiles. “Well, at least you have a long time to get used to the idea.”

“If it’s true.” I sigh and squeeze my eyes closed.

His thumb makes small circles on the back of my hand. “It’s so nice to have you here. In my house. You should come here every day.”

I laugh. “I’m best in small doses. Speaking of, I should probably get going. We have school tomorrow.”

“No way. You have to stay at least another hour.” He pulls me into the chair with him. “Thanks for talking to me. I know it’s hard for you.”

I rest my forehead against his. “Thanks for listening.”

“We still on for tomorrow night?”

Tomorrow night? Oh! Career night. My mom supposedly going to the business association meeting. There is no way I’m going to miss that now. “We’re still on.”

“And what about tonight?” he asks, wrapping his arms tightly around me.

My stomach seems to take flight without me. “What about tonight?”

“What should we do for the next hour?”

I pretend to consider. “Work on your website?”

“Ha-ha.”

I make my face serious, which is hard considering the smile that wants to take up permanent residence there. “No, really, you should get it done.”

He tilts his head, studying my face. “Are you being serious?”

“No,” I say against his lips.

Chapter 33

I open the shop door while holding the bell steady and yank Xander inside.

“What the—?”

“Shh.” I listen for several heartbeats to make sure my mom didn’t come back inside through the back door. She had just left . . . late. I had told Xander to come at six thirty, a whole half an hour after she was supposed to leave, but as the minutes ticked by I realized it would be a close call. It actually worked out better this way because now we can follow her. Before, I was just thinking we’d have to find her.

When I finally take a breath and look up at Xander, he’s staring at me in the dark room. I have one hand on his chest and have him pushed up against the wall just inside the store. My breath falters.

His breath shouldn’t smell so familiar already. I let it wash over me, closing my eyes. Then I feel his lips brush against mine. I want to get lost in his kiss but I know we don’t have time.

“Come on.” I grab on to the front of his shirt, pull him to the back door, then open it a crack. Luigi’s is one block behind us, and I see my mom round the corner at the end of the alley.

“Caymen,” Xander says from behind me. “Can you fill me in here?”

“A little detective work. Private investigators or something.” I reach into my back pocket and pull out the few pictures I had taken of Matthew with Xander’s camera. I’d printed them out. The quality is really bad since our printer is ancient, but the image is clear enough.

“What am I looking at?”

I slip outside and he follows. “I need to find out everything there is to know about that guy.”

“Okay . . . what do we know so far?”

“Nothing.”

He clears his throat. “Miss Scientific Observer has no concrete facts?”

“I have a feeling.” That if my mom is pregnant I need to know everything I can about the potential father.

“Do feelings prove theories now?”

“Shut up.”

He laughs and grabs hold of my hand. It surprises me and I must jump because he squeezes it with a chuckle. It’s weird holding his hand. I think about the picture I saw in the magazine of him and Sadie holding hands and wonder if someone is waiting in the shadows now to take a picture of us.

Almost as if he read my mind he says, “We moved here to get out of the spotlight. Los Angeles is awful. We had no privacy there whatsoever.”

I nod, not sure what the proper response to that is.

“But considering this isn’t exactly the thriving metropolis of California and how spread out our business is, we travel a lot. My father drags me along on some occasions. Like tomorrow. I have to go to Florida until Friday and then I have the benefit on Saturday.”

He’s not asking my permission . . . is he? He’s just telling me because . . . because why? We’re together now?

“I guess my point is when can I see you again?”

“Oh. Next week?”

“You’ll pencil me in on the really big calendar?”

“I don’t know. It might be booked solid. My super busy life and I will have to check.”

When we round the corner I can see the red and white awning of Luigi’s Italian Restaurant . . . and the back of my mom as she closes the door behind her. Hmm. That’s not what was supposed to happen. She was supposed to meet up with tall, dark, and creepy.

“What now?” Xander asks.

“We wait.” I walk to a small patch of grass on the corner of the block that gives us a good view of Luigi’s but isn’t in full view of the window. I sit down. “Worried about ruining your jeans?” I ask when he hesitates. “It’s not wet.”

“No . . . it’s just . . . are we spying on your mom?” He sits down next to me.

“Yes,” I admit with a wince.

“Caymen, I know you’re upset, but is this really the right way to go about it?”

I point to the pictures he’s still holding. “I need to know about him.”

He flips through the pictures again. “Is this him? The father of . . .” He can’t even finish the sentence. It’s like he’s as ashamed as I am. I wonder if he’s ever known anyone who got pregnant out of wedlock.

“Yes.” I lean back on my palms.

He nods once then looks around. “So how long are we going to wait here?”

I glance toward Luigi’s. “I don’t know.” Maybe she’s going to see Matthew after the meeting. I take the pictures he’s still holding back and look through them again.

“So you think I’d make a good detective?”

“What?”

“Tonight. Your ‘career night.’” He actually does air quotes and manages to make them look somewhat classy. “That’s what you said tonight was, right? You’re supposed to be finding me suitable options to explore. Is detective work something you think I’d be good at?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Because I’m so good at observations and reading into clues and interpreting signals?” He picks at the grass, pulling a few blades free. He looks so hurt.

My warning light goes off, telling me to back up, fix this; tell him, “No, it was about me and my mom and I just needed your help.” I open my mouth, but it’s too late.

He stands up and brushes off his hands then holds one out to me. “I’ll walk you back.”

“I’m staying.”

“Okay.” He starts to walk away.

“I’m sorry,” I say to his back. He stops. “I’ve been so self-absorbed and lame. You’ve done all these amazing things for me and I haven’t done anything for you. I took you grave digging. You took me to UNLV.”

He turns to face me.

I point up the street. “I was going to take you to Eddie’s. He was going to teach us how to make his famous muffins and tell us how he started his business and stuff. I thought you might like it because you love food and I could see you owning your own restaurant or something. But then this happened and . . .”

He closes the distance between us, takes my face in his hands, and kisses me.

I can’t breathe for a moment, and then all I want to do is breathe him in. Eat, sleep, and drink Xander Spence. I can’t get enough. I don’t know how I existed without him because his energy feels like my sustaining force in this moment.

He pulls away a little and I take a gulp of air. I lie back on the grass because my bones can no longer hold me up. He lies sideways next to me, propping himself up on his elbow.

“I bought a dress,” I say in my state of bliss.

“Um . . . how exciting.”

“If you want me to I can go to the benefit with you on Saturday.”

“If?” He shakes his head. “I would love for you to come to the benefit. I just thought you were dead set against it. Yes. Come.” He kisses me again and I laugh against his lips. I bury my fingers in the hair at the back of his neck. He squeezes my side and I laugh again.

I didn’t hear any footsteps or the jingling of keys. All I hear is someone clear their throat. I sit up too fast and blood rushes up the back of my head, causing the edges of my vision to blur for a moment. But blurry or not, I can still see my mom’s face staring down at us, filled with anger.

Chapter 34

For some reason I giggle. Maybe because I still can’t control the happy pounding of my heart. Maybe because I’m still so angry with my mom for all the secrets she’s been keeping that seeing her angry with me brings some satisfaction. Or maybe because I have absolutely no idea what to say. Whatever the case, a giggle sounds funny in the otherwise still night. “Hi.”

She looks at Xander, starting at his freshly cut hair and ending on his expensive shoes. Then her contemptuous look is back on me. “I’ll see you at home.” And with that she walks away. I suck in my lips to stop myself from laughing. When she rounds the corner I lie back and pull Xander down with me. I kiss him but he resists.

“Caymen, wait.”

“What?”

“She doesn’t know about us?”

“You knew that.”

“No. I didn’t. I thought after I introduced myself to her that you would tell her.”

I feel awful. That’s exactly what I was supposed to do. What I was going to force myself to do before the answering machine message of doom. “Why would you think that? I pretended like I didn’t know you.”

“I thought you were joking around. I thought . . .”

I am not doing well tonight in the Making Xander Feel Special category. I run my fingers up his wrist and then push our palms together. “I’m sorry. My mom has a history that has jaded her a bit. And I was going to tell her but then everything happened. I’ll tell her.”

“I think you just did.”

I giggle again.

One corner of his mouth lifts into a half-smile. “So is Eddie’s open right now? Let’s go eat.”

Xander leans against his car, licking the last bit of muffin off his fingers. “I didn’t realize you had such an in with Eddie. The whole back-door-after-closing-secret-knock. You could’ve told me this months ago.”

“I don’t share the few advantages I have.” I toss the empty paper bag into one of the trash cans that line our street. When I turn back to face him he pulls me against him. I let out a little yelp of surprise.

He buries his face in the crook of my neck.

“I should probably go. My mom is waiting patiently to yell at me. Better get it over with.”

“Is she going to be okay with this? With us?” His voice comes out muffled against my neck.

I trace patterns in his hair with my fingers and smile. “She’ll be fine once she gets to know you. I mean, how can she not like Xander Spence?”

“This is true.” He kisses me once then releases me.

I start to walk away then turn back. He’s leaning against his car watching me go, a sweet smile on his face. I stumble but then catch myself with a little laugh. “Have fun in Florida.”

The doll store is dark but the stairs in the back are lit. I take a deep breath and walk up them slowly, not ready to face the anger I saw burning in my mother’s eyes. I’m too happy. I don’t want my mom to ruin this after-kiss high I’m on. Maybe she’ll be asleep. Maybe this will blow over. I laugh at myself. That’ll never happen.