I always thought that college would be It. Like, instant friends, a place to belong. I didn’t think it would be this hard.

I’d thought there would be parties and mixers and midnight runs to the Waffle House. I’d been at college for four whole days, and I hadn’t done any of those things.

Jillian and I had eaten in the dining hall together, but that was about it. She was mostly on the phone with her boyfriend or on the computer. There had been no mention of clubbing or frat parties. I had a feeling Jillian was above that kind of thing.

I wasn’t, and Taylor wasn’t either. I’d gone to visit her dorm once already, and she and her roommate were like two peas in a trendy little color-coordinated pod. Her roommate’s boyfriend was in a fraternity, and he lived off campus. Taylor said she’d call if there were any cool parties that weekend, but so far, she hadn’t. Taylor was taking to college like a goldfish to its brand-new tank, and I just wasn’t. I’d told Jeremiah I’d be busy making friends and bonding with my roommate so I probably wouldn’t see him until the weekend. I didn’t want to go back on that.

Thursday night that first week, a bunch of girls were drinking in Joy’s room. I could hear them down the hallway. I had been filling out my new planner, writing in all my classes and things. Jillian was at the library. We’d only had one day of classes so far, so I didn’t know what she could possibly be studying. I still wished she’d asked me to go with her, though. Jeremiah had asked if I wanted him to come pick me up, but I’d said no, in the hopes that I would be invited somewhere. So far, it was just me and the planner.

But then Joy popped her head in my doorway, which I’d been keeping open the same way the other girls had.

“Isabel, come and hang with us,” she said.

“Sure!” I said, practically leaping out of my bed. I felt this surge of hope and excitement. Maybe these were my people.

There was Joy, her roommate Anika, Molly, who lived at the end the hall, and Shay, the girl with the modeling book. They were all sitting on the floor, a big bottle of Gatorade in the middle, only, it didn’t look like Gatorade.

It was light brownish yellow— Tequila, I guessed. I hadn’t touched tequila since I’d gotten drunk off of it in Cousins the summer before.

“Come sit down,” Joy said, patting the floor next to her. “We’re playing I Never. Have you ever played before?”

“No,” I said, sitting down next to her.

“Basically, when it’s your turn, you say something like,

‘I never …’”—Anika looked around the circle—“hooked up with someone related to me.”

Everyone giggled. “And if you have, you have to drink,” Molly finished, chewing on her thumbnail.

“I’ll start,” said Joy, leaning forward. “I never …cheated on a test.”

Shay grabbed the bottle and took a swig. “What? I was busy modeling, I didn’t have time to study,” she said, and everyone laughed again.

Molly went next. “I never did it with anyone in public!”

That time, Joy took the bottle. “It was at a park,” she explained. “It was getting dark. I doubt anyone saw us.”

Shay said, “Does a restaurant bathroom count?”

I could feel my face get hot. I was dreading my turn. I hadn’t done much of anything. My I Nevers could probably last all night.

“I never hooked up with Chad from the fourth floor!”

Molly said, collapsing into a fit of giggles.

Joy threw a pillow at her. “No fair! I told you that in secret.”

“Drink! Drink!” everyone chanted.

Joy took a swig. Wiping her mouth, she said, “Your turn, Isabel.”

My mouth felt dry all of a sudden. “I never …” Had sex. “I never … played this game before,” I finished lamely.

I could feel Joy’s disappointment in me. Maybe she’d thought we could be close friends too and now she was rethinking it.

Anika chuckled just to be polite, and then they all took turns drinking before Joy started it up again with,

“I never went skinny-dipping in the ocean. In a pool, though!”

Nope, never did that either. Almost, that time I was fifteen, with Cam Cameron. But almost didn’t count.

I ended up taking one drink when Molly said, “I never dated two people in the same family.”

“You dated brothers?” Joy asked me, looking interested all of a sudden. “Or a brother and a sister?”

Coughing a little, I said, “Brothers.”

“Twins?” Shay said.

“At the same time?” Molly wanted to know.

“No, not at the same time. And they’re just regular brothers,” I said. “They’re a year apart.”

“That’s kind of badass,” Joy said, giving me an approv-ing look.

And then we went on to the next thing. When Shay said she’d never stolen before and Joy took a drink, I saw the look on Anika’s face, and I had to bite the insides of my cheeks to keep from laughing. She saw me, and we exchanged a secret look.

I saw Joy around after that, in the hall bathroom and in the study, and we talked, but we never became close.

Jillian and I never became best buddies either, but she ended up being a pretty good roommate.

Of all those girls, Anika was the one I ended up being closest to. Even though we were the same age, she took me under her wing like a little sister, and for once I didn’t mind being the little sister. Anika was too cool for me to care. She smelled the way I imagined wildflowers smelled when they grew in sand. Later, I found out it was the oil she put in her hair. Anika almost never gossiped, she didn’t eat meat, and she was a dancer. I admired all of those things about her.

I was sorry we’d never be roommates. From now on, I’d only ever have one roommate again—my husband.

Chapter Seventeen

I woke up early the next day. I showered, threw away my shower shoes, and got ready one last time in my dorm room. I didn’t put my ring on, just in case. I put it in the zippered pocket in my purse. My dad wasn’t the most observant guy when it came to accessories, so it wasn’t likely, but still.

My dad was at the dorm by ten o’clock to move me out. Jeremiah helped. I didn’t even have to give him a wakeup call the way I’d planned; he showed up at my room at nine thirty with coffee and donuts for my dad.

I stopped in some of the girls’ rooms, hugging them good-bye, wishing them good summers. Lorrie said, “See you in August,” and Jules said, “We have to hang out more next year.” I said good-bye to Anika last, and I teared up a little. She hugged me and said, “Chill out. I’ll see you at the wedding. Tell Taylor I’ll be e-mailing her about our bridesmaid dresses.” I laughed out loud. Taylor was going to love that. Not.

After we were done loading up the car, my dad took us to lunch at a steak restaurant. It wasn’t super fancy, but it was a nice, a family place with leather booths and pickles at the table.

“Order whatever you like, guys,” my dad said, sliding into the booth.

Jeremiah and I sat across from him. I looked at the menu and picked the New York strip because it was cheapest. My dad wasn’t poor, but he definitely wasn’t rich, either.

When the waitress came over to take our orders, my dad ordered the salmon, I got the New York strip, and Jeremiah said, “I’ll have the dry-aged rib eye, medium rare.”

The rib eye was the most expensive thing on the menu. It cost thirty-eight dollars. I looked at him and thought, he probably didn’t even look at the price. He never had to, not when all his bills got sent to his dad.

Things were gonna change when we were married, that was for sure. No more spending money on dumb stuff like vintage Air Jordans or steak.

“So, what do you have going on this summer, Jeremiah?” my dad asked.

Jeremiah looked at me and then back at my dad and then back at me. I shook my head just slightly. I had this vision of him asking my dad for his blessing, and it was all wrong. My dad couldn’t find out before my mother.

“I’m going to be interning at my dad’s company again,” Jeremiah said.

“Good for you,” my dad said. “That’ll keep you busy.”

“For sure.”

My dad looked at me. “What about you, Belly? Are you going to waitress again?”

I sucked soda from the bottom of my glass. “Yeah. I’m gonna go in and talk to my old manager next week. They always need help in the summer, so it should be all right.”

With the wedding just a couple of months away, I would just have to work doubly—triply—hard.

When the bill came, I saw my dad squint and take a closer look. I hoped Jeremiah didn’t notice, but when I realized he hadn’t, I wished he had.

I felt closest to my dad when I was sitting in the passenger seat of his minivan, studying his profile, the two us listening to his Bill Evans CD. Drives with my dad were our quiet times together, when we might talk about nothing and everything.

So far the drive had been a quiet one.

He was humming along with the music when I said,

“Dad?”

“Hmm?”

I wanted to tell him so badly. I wanted to share it with him, to have it happen during this perfect moment when I was still his little girl in the passenger seat and he was still the one driving the car. It would be a moment just between us. I’d stopped calling him Daddy in middle school, but it was in my heart—Daddy, I’m getting married.

“Nothing,” I said at last.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him before I told my mother. It wouldn’t be right.

He went back to humming.

Just a little bit longer, Dad.

Chapter Eighteen

I’d thought it would take at least a little time to adjust to being at home again after being away at college, but I fell back into my old routine pretty much right away.

Before the end of the first week, I was unpacked and having early-morning breakfasts with my mom and fighting with my brother Steven over the state of the bathroom we shared. I was messy, but Steven took it to a whole new level. I guessed it ran in our family. And I started working at Behrs again, taking as many shifts as they would let me, sometimes two a day.

The night before we all went to Cousins for the dedication of Susannah’s garden, Jere and I were talking on the phone. We were talking about wedding stuff, and I told him some of Taylor’s ideas. He loved them all but balked at the idea of a carrot cake.

“I want a chocolate cake,” he said. “With raspberry filling.”

“Maybe one layer can be carrot and one can be chocolate,” I suggested, cradling the phone to my shoulder.

“I’ve heard they can do that.”

I was sitting on my bedroom floor, counting my tips for the night. I hadn’t even changed out of my work shirt yet, even though it had grease stains all down the front, but I was too beat to bother. I just loosened the necktie.

“A chocolate-raspberry-carrot cake?”

“With cream cheese frosting for my layer,” I reminded him.

“Sounds kinda complicated to me flavor profilewise, but fine. Let’s do it.”

I smiled to myself as I stacked my ones and fives and tens. Jeremiah was watching a lot of Food Network since he’d been home.

“Well, first we have to be able to pay for this alleged cake,” I said. “I’ve been taking all the shifts I can, and I’ve only got a hundred and twenty bucks saved so far. Taylor says wedding cakes are really expensive. Maybe I should ask her mom to bake the cake instead. Mrs. Jewel’s a really good baker. We probably couldn’t ask for anything too fancy, though.”

Jeremiah had been silent on the other line. Then he finally said, “I don’t know if you should keep working at Behrs.”

“What are you talking about? We need the money.”

“Yeah, but I have the money my mom left me. We can use that for the wedding. I don’t like you having to work so hard.”

“But you’re working too!”

“I’m an intern. It’s a bullshit job. I’m not working half as hard as you are for this wedding. I sit around an office, and you’re busting your ass working double shifts at Behrs. It doesn’t feel right.”

“If this is because I’m the girl and you’re the guy … ,” I began.

“That’s not it, dude. I’m just saying, why should you have to work this hard when I have money in my savings account?”

“I thought we said we were going to do this on our own.”

“I’ve been doing some Internet research, and it looks like it’s going to be a lot more expensive than we thought. Even if we go really simple, we still have to pay for food and drinks and flowers. We’re only getting married once, Belly.”

“True.”

“My mom would want to contribute. Right?”

“I guess… .” Susannah would want to do more than contribute. She’d want to be there every step of the way—dress shopping, deciding on the flowers and food, all of it. She’d want to do it up. I always pictured her there on my wedding day, sitting next to my mom, wearing a fancy hat. It was a really nice picture.

“So let’s let her contribute. Besides, you’re gonna get really busy with wedding-planning stuff with Taylor. I’ll help as much as I can, but I still have to be at work from nine to five. When you call caterers and flower people or whatever, that’ll have to be during the day, and I won’t be able to be there.”

I was really impressed that he’d thought of all this. I liked this other side of him, thinking ahead, worrying about my health. I had just been complaining about cal-luses on my feet too.