“Crapola. We don’t have any pancake mix,” she says, closing the doors she had opened and turning toward me. “My parents really should have stocked up before they decided to take a six month trip to Europe. I’m extremely disappointed in them.”

I chuckle and grab my keys off the counter. “Yes, how dare they not provide you with food for half the year while they go on vacation.” She scowls at me playfully, pulling the orange juice out of the fridge. “I’ll run to the store and get some. Do we need anything else?”

“We’ll need some more milk with Nolan here. Other than that, I think we’re good.” She walks over to the couch and plops down next to him. “Can you not buy apps please? How do you even know my password?” She leans her head into his and monitors his actions on her phone.

I laugh under my breath as I walk toward the door. “Alright. I’ll be back in a little while. Hold down the fort, Sir Nolan.” He shoots his dimples at me before returning to purchasing apps on Tessa’s phone.

**

I’m waiting in the checkout line at the grocery story after having grabbed the pancake mix, some milk, and a dragon coloring book I found near the greeting cards when my phone starts ringing. I pull it out of my pocket and place my basket at my feet, seeing my aunt’s name flashing on the screen.

“Hey, Aunt Mae.”

“Mia, sweetie, you need to come home.” She sniffs loudly and my heart immediately drops to the floor next to my basket.

I’m out the door, running across the parking lot within seconds. “What’s happened? Is it that stupid cold she had? Does she have a fever now or something?” I knew it was more than a cold. Fuck! My tires screech as I pull out of my parking space and drive toward the exit for the highway. My aunt sobs through the phone. “Aunt Mae, tell me what’s going on. Can I talk to her?” I hear a faint beeping sound through the phone in between my aunt’s cries. She’s in the hospital. That’s what that sound is.

“She was fine. I don’t know what happened. I went to wake her up this morning and she wouldn’t respond to me.” Her voice cracks and she starts crying harder. “She won’t wake up, Mia. The doctors are waiting for you to get here. Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

I’m crying now, sobbing uncontrollably. I have to keep wiping my eyes to be able to see the road in front of me. The hand holding the phone to my ear is shaking so badly, my aunt’s cries are fading in and out. I know what she means. My mom has a DNR. The doctors are waiting for me to get there before they take her off the machines. My mom is dying and I’m not there. I haven’t been there for her. “I’m on my way. Tell her I’m on my way!”

“Honey, she’s unconscious.”

“Tell her I’m coming!” I hang up the phone and drop it somewhere, anywhere. I don’t give a shit about my phone right now.

My attention is on the road and nothing else as I fly down the highway. The speed limit means nothing to me. Nor do the other cars on the road. I swerve in and out of traffic, taking the median occasionally when I can’t get around someone. The only thing I care about is getting to her in less than four hours. Four f**king hours. Why the hell did I leave her? I knew in my gut that I shouldn’t have left for the summer. I was selfish. I was more concerned with having an amazing summer with my best friend than taking care of my own mother. And now she’s dying and I’m not there. I wasn’t there when she got that f**king cold. I wasn’t there last night when she probably started feeling bad, and then the bad turned to worse sometime in the middle of the night. She probably called out for me in her weak voice, too weak to alert my aunt. And now I’m two hundred miles away from her and I can’t get to her fast enough.

The world blurs in front of me.

The image of my mother in a hospital bed fills my thoughts as I speed down the highway. I only stop when I absolutely have to and it’s only to pump gas. I don’t even run inside the gas station to use the restroom. But I do grab my phone that had slid underneath the back seat. I have a few missed calls from Tessa but I ignore them for now. I dial Ben’s number and it goes straight to voicemail.

“Babe, my mom is dying. I’m on my way to Fulton now.” I pause and take in two shaky breaths, wiping underneath my eyes. “I know you can’t be here with me, but can you at least call me? I just, I need to hear your voice right now. I’m not ready to say goodbye to her. I don’t really know how I’m going to get through this.” I blink, sending the tears streaming down my face. “Please call me.” I end the call, keeping my eyes on the pump. As soon as the numbers stop rolling over, I yank it out of my car and get back on the road.

How I manage to get into Fulton in two and a half hours, I’ll never understand. But I do by some miracle. Of course, I did break the speed limit by a long shot the entire way here. I pull my phone out of my pocket as I run up to the entrance. I need to tell Tessa where I am. She’s probably worried sick right now, and I can only imagine how hungry Nolan must be. After four rings, her voicemail picks up and I curse under my breath. Is nobody answering phones today? “Hey, it’s me. I’m so sorry I missed your calls but I’m in Fulton at the hospital. It’s my mom. She’s dying, Tessa.” I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. “I got the call from my aunt when I was at the grocery store and I just drove straight here. Can you tell Ben to call me? Or text me or something? I tried calling him but he didn’t answer.” I remember the groceries I left on the floor by the checkout counter. “Oh and tell Nolan I’m sorry about the pancakes. I’ll make him some the next time I see him.”