“Why do you tell me this?” she asks, hugging herself around the middle.

I shake my head, staring off. “I want you to know the truth. I’m very sorry.”

“You work for them, yes?”

“Not by choice. I’m kind of like you, Iva. I do as I’m told or I die.”

It’s the first time I’ve ever thought to make the comparison.

It’s an excruciating afternoon in the car with the girl—me speaking calmly, her near hysterics. I answer all of her questions. I make it clear what is at stake for both of us.

“Are you a virgin?” I ask. Her eyes dart to the floor and she hangs her head—that’s a no. “You don’t need to be ashamed. I’m trying to see how much you know. I’m not going to do anything to you, but if you have questions . . . about men . . .”

She shakes her head frantically.

“We both have to pretend I’ve shown you what to do with these men, Iva. Do you understand that? We will both be punished if they find out we did nothing but talk today.”

She jerks her chin up and down as tears stream from her eyes. “I know what to do,” she says in a thick voice. “I don’t want to go to that woman’s house! Don’t make me go. Please!”

She grasps my shirt in her thin hands and cries out. Nieces and conquests have cried in my presence more times than I can count, and I never reached out to comfort them. Never. Nieces must learn to self-comfort, and conquests must not be led on.

But that was before. Now, without hesitation, I pull Iva to me. She’s far too thin. I put an arm around her as she cries into my chest.

“Please save me, sir, please,” she sobs. I hold her tighter, swallowing hard.

I know better than to make promises I can’t keep, but I dare to say, “I will try. I swear it. . . .”

Father knows people, and so does Marissa. They have ties to all areas of law enforcement—dirty cops and officials who’ve been bought off. If I try to uncover this operation, to expose it to authorities, I’ll be killed. For now, I am powerless, and I’m at the mercy of Iva to keep my secret. But I swear to myself at that moment . . . I will be watching; watching and waiting for a time when I can expose Marissa and her abomination of a business.

My shirt is still damp with Iva’s tears when I leave her at Marissa’s, and I am hollow.

I’m feeling reckless after the encounter with Iva. It’s too late to go back to being safe. There’s no way to trek away from the edge of the choices I’ve made. I will forever be on this precipice I’ve climbed, staring over into the abyss of hell and waiting to be found out and shoved off.

It’s only a matter of time. A certain peace comes with this knowledge.

It’s that peace, paired with today’s recklessness, that sends me toward Anna’s town.

As I get closer, a light snow begins to fall. I push my hearing toward her apartment. I hear movement inside and my heart shoots into high gear.

This is foolish. I’m a fool. I shouldn’t be here, but I can’t stop now. My forward momentum is too fast. I’m parking and jumping out, searching around me. My quick breaths make clouds in the air as I jog up the steps to her door.

I listen as the person inside goes still, then tiptoes to the door.

“Who is it?” Patti asks. Her strong voice lifts me up and I smile.

“It’s Kaidan, ma’am.”

The door swings open and her eyes are wide, red hair wild. Excitement and love burst from her aura and she throws her arms around my midsection. Holy shit, I’m getting choked up. I hold her tightly, swallowing and blinking away the emotion. I won’t cry, but damn, this woman is shoveling something warm and golden into my hollow places. Just like when I’m with Anna, I can’t help but wonder how someone so good can care for someone like me.

She pulls back and grabs my face to look at me, then hugs me once more and releases. “Anna’s not here. She went for a run, but I’m sure she’ll be back soon. It’s too cold out there, the crazy girl!” She pats down her wavy hair, smiling. “Can I get you some tea?”

Disappointment tugs at my mood, because I should not linger.

“I’m sorry, miss. I’d love to, but I can’t stay.”

“I understand,” she whispers. “But she’ll be so upset she missed you.”

Will she? This sends more golden stuff pouring into me, though the foolishness of my actions is starting to splinter through my reckless peace now. I really shouldn’t be here.

Patti squeezes my shoulders as I bend to give her a quick kiss on the cheek and go. Her eyes are filled with moisture when I leave.

Nervousness invades my system as I walk quickly to the BMW.

Stupid, stupid, stupid . . .

I reach up and yank off my knitted cap to run my hand roughly through my hair, which I haven’t cut in the fourteen months since I moved. It waves over my ears as I pull the cap back on. I’m at the BMW now, opening the door. As disappointed as I am, I know it’s for the best that Anna doesn’t see me. I’ve worked so hard to—

I turn abruptly as something moves in my peripheral vision. I stand there and stare across the parking lot. From her light blue sneakers to her black yoga bottoms that fit every curve—bloody hell—to the thin jumper that can’t possibly be warm enough. She’s on the other side of the lot, her back to me. She stares up at the snow, oblivious to her surroundings. I want to shake her and yell, “I could have been a Duke or an axe murderer and you’d have never noticed me!”