Normally he never would have hired someone who clearly didn’t have their shit together, but at the time he’d been short-staffed because he’d mistakenly hired waitresses who couldn’t handle a little fucking criticism without bursting into tears. When she hadn’t turned into a nervous wreck five minutes into the interview, the time it usually took someone to decide that working at Fire & Brimstone just wasn’t for them, he decided to hire her on a temporary basis.

With her work history he’d figured that it was only a matter of weeks before she’d quit and by the time that happened, he should have been able to find a reliable waitress who knew how to do her job without pissing him off. Unfortunately for his sanity and his blood pressure, things hadn’t worked out that way.

Like the first time that he’d tried to fire her and had somehow ended up with a new menu, two new waitresses that actually turned out to be pretty good, and renting the apartment across from his to her, her best friend and that fucking dog. He still wasn’t sure how she’d managed it, but every fucking time that he tried to tell her to stop fucking with his head, his life, and his restaurant, she somehow managed to change the subject and fuck with his head until he found himself doing exactly what she wanted just to shut her the fuck up, but no longer.

He was fucking done.

Absolutely fucking done.

Shooting one last glare at the uniforms that would make a lovely addition to a bonfire, he headed towards the back, giving customers a slight nod when they waved hello and ignoring the employees that were trying to derail him from his life’s purpose with petty bullshit. He didn’t stop until he found himself in the employee hallway and was forced to punch in the code to release the security door that lead upstairs to the apartments that he’d added shortly after he’d purchased the building.

As soon as the door clicked open, he was in the stairwell and heading upstairs where he would finally end the little demon’s reign of terror. This ended today, he promised himself, refusing to put up with her bullshit for one more day. Thirty seconds later, he was at her door and raising his hand as anticipation coursed through his body.

Finally, this nightmare was about to-

“Good morning, Christopher,” the little terror greeted him with a huge smile when she opened the door and spotted him, daring to call him the name that not even his mother used anymore, further fueling his determination to get rid of her. “Did you need something?”

“You’re fired,” he blurted out with absolutely no finesse, ruining what he’d been working on for years, but at the moment he really didn’t fucking care as long as the job got done. The only thing that mattered was finally ridding himself of the biggest mistake of his life.

Instead of crying, begging for her job or arguing with him like most sane people would have done, she simply nodded and mumbled a distracted, “I see,” as she glanced over her shoulder at something in her apartment, the move causing her curly black hair that he had to admit that he liked about her to slide off her shoulder.

“You’re fired,” he said a little louder, determined to make sure that there were no misunderstandings.

“Uh huh,” she mumbled, sounding even more distracted as she turned around, grabbed the door handle and ever so carefully, pulled the door closed behind her. She slowly backed away from the door. Licking her lips nervously, she shot a hopeful glance towards the stairwell door as though she was calculating the odds of making it there before-

“You little bitch!” came the feminine roar as the door was suddenly thrown open and Melanie, the normal one in this duo as far as he could tell, launched herself at Rebecca before the much smaller woman could so much as gasp in surprise as she took her down to the ground.

“Get the hell off me!” Rebecca demanded a minute later as she rolled over onto her stomach and attempted to crawl away, but the crazed woman on top of her, who’d clearly been pushed to her limit, refused to let her go.

“No!”

“Bitch!” Rebecca shot back, triggering a verbal duel that he was, unfortunately, all too familiar with.

“Whore!”

“Tramp!”

“Bieber lover!” Melanie growled as she put Rebecca in a headlock and earned a gasp of outrage, because clearly that was crossing the line.

“You bitch!” Rebecca snarled, forgoing her attempts to escape so that she could put her best friend in a headlock of her own.

Sighing heavily, Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering how his life had turned into this fucked up existence. He’d like to say that living with these two was like living with his family, but sadly, he couldn’t even say that, because they were clearly worse than anyone in his family, which was actually fucking disturbing.

“Are you two done yet?” he asked, not really surprised when they ignored him and continued to fight, argue or whatever they fucking called it.

“You’re going!” Melanie snapped with a determined expression as she released her hold on Rebecca and-

“Ow!” Rebecca screamed as Melanie grabbed her by the ear and gave it a good twist, a move that never seemed to fail and one that the little pain in the ass really should have expected.

“I didn’t come up here to witness more of your bullshit,” he snapped as the pair moved onto ineffectual bitch slaps. “I wanted to make sure that you understood that you’re fired.”

But, like always, they continued to ignore him and the fact that their “baby,” had come out into the hallway to watch them, already looking bored. Thankful that the dog hadn’t focused on him, Lucifer decided to give it one more try before he left, secure in the knowledge that he’d accomplished what he’d come here to do.

“You’re fired.”

“We heard you the first time!” Melanie snapped, looking more determined than he’d ever seen her before as she stood up and attempted to drag her best friend towards the stairwell door by her ear.

“Let go!” Rebecca snapped right back, but it was clear to everyone in the hallway, including the dog now snoring loudly by the door, that she’d lost.

Having had enough bullshit today and wanting to make sure that the worst employee that he’d ever had knew that she was fired, he walked over to the struggling duo, reached down and swept Rebecca off her feet. He ignored the twin sounds of outrage, the dog rolling over onto his side and blocking most of the hallway and headed for his apartment.