“I see,” Marybeth murmured before she asked, “Are you ever going to take your hand off my ass?”

“No,” he said, giving the perfectly rounded cheek in his hand another appreciative squeeze simply because he could.

Laughing, she reached back and removed his hand from her ass. “You’re pathetic,” she said, smiling as they entwined their hands.

“No,” he said, returning her smile as he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers, “I’m a happily married man laying claim to my wife so that some poor unsuspecting bastard doesn’t make the mistake of checking out her ass and forcing me to beat the shit out of him.”

“Ah, so you’re doing a public service by groping me,” she said, sounding thoughtful as the elevator doors slowly slid open.

“It’s the least I can do,” he said, shooting her a wink as they stepped out of the elevator and headed towards the ATM machine when they spotted his mother in the lobby, talking to some guy with spiked bleached hair wearing a baby pink polo shirt that was too small even for his wiry figure.

“Oh!” his mother said, her whole face lighting up when she spotted them. “This is my son that I was telling you about, Patrick.”

When the guy sitting next to her glanced over his shoulder and smiled, Darrin realized that there was a very real possibility that he was going to have to have his mother committed. It was a shame, because she made the best chocolate chunk cookies, he thought with real regret as he gave Marybeth’s hand a gentle squeeze as they headed towards his mother.

“Maybe we should wait until after we get home to tell her?” Marybeth suggested as they headed towards his mother and the guy shooting him what could only be described as a welcoming smile.

“No,” he said, taking in the matching pleased expressions as he shook his head, “now’s good.”

“Don’t you want to wait for your Dad?”

“We can tell him later,” he said, deciding that the sooner that he put an end to his mother’s bullshit theory, the better.

“Hi, sweetheart,” his mother said, getting to her feet so that she could hug him. “I’m so glad to see you!”

He just bet she was, he thought, narrowing his eyes on Patrick as the other man threw him a wink. When Marybeth moved to pull her hand away so that she could hug his mother, he held on for dear life. He refused to give his mother a chance to shove him towards the man currently running an appreciative eye over him and judging by the look in her eye, that’s exactly what she wanted to do.

“Mom, we have to tell you something,” he said as soon as his mother pulled back from hugging Marybeth, relieved that he could finally share the best thing in his life with his family.

“What is it, sweetheart?” she asked with that warm smile that had always made him feel like he was her most favorite person in the world. It was the same smile that she gave all her children, but that never made it feel any less special.

He looked down at Marybeth to find his wife throwing Patrick a curious look before he focused back on his mother. “Mom, Marybeth and I got married,” he announced unable to stop himself from sighing with satisfaction.

It really did feel great to finally-

“Oh, sweetie, there’s really no need to hide who you are,” she said, her smile turning somewhat pitying as she reached up and cupped his cheek.

“I’m not hiding who I am,” he bit out evenly as he glared down at his mother. “Marybeth and I got married three weeks ago.”

His mother dropped her hand away with an exasperated sigh. “Sweetheart, there’s really no need to lie to me. I love you no matter what.”

“Woman,” he bit out, forcing himself to take a deep breath before he continued and said something that he would regret later when his father hunted him down and beat the shit out of him for making his mother cry, “for the last time, I’m not gay!”

“Darrin Bradford, we did not raise you to be ashamed of who you are!” she whispered softly, but no less firmly, the same way that she had when he was a kid and she was trying not to draw attention to the fact that she was seconds away from spanking him into the next decade.

“I’m not ashamed of who I am! For the love of all that’s holy, woman, I’m not-”

“I’m going to grab something to eat,” Marybeth suddenly said, cutting him off and cluing him into the fact that he’d married a disloyal woman.

“Are you not going to come to my defense?” he demanded as the treacherous woman pulled her hand away and deftly snatched his wallet out of his back pocket.

“No, not really,” she said, sounding bored as she relieved his wallet of twenty dollars before she tossed it back to him.

“We took vows, woman!”

Blinking, she looked up at him and said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Marybeth,” he snarled her name in warning, but just like all those other times that she’d screwed him over for her own amusement, she ignored him.

“Darrin,” she said, sighing his name heavily in a way that let him know just how much she was enjoying this, “it’s okay. She knows.”

Eyes locked on his devious wife, he snarled the only warning that she would get. “Don’t.”

“Darrin, Darrin, Darrin,” she said, tsking as she shook her head sadly as she reached up and cupped his face, “don’t hide who you are. Embrace the real you.”