Chapter 36

“I think it’s time that we got you tested for drugs, Goose,” Jake said, sounding completely serious, which was understandable given the circumstances.

“Uh huh, I’ll get right on that,” she promised as she skimmed her fingers across the top of the stone enclosure that stopped the baby alligators from attacking her and tearing her apart.

“Have you told Darrin what you’re doing?”

“It’s none of his business,” she said, darting her gaze from the baby alligator determined to climb the wall and make a snack of her hand to the man that she’d been avoiding since yesterday when she’d ditched his ass at the Small World ride.

“He’s your husband,” Jake pointed out.

“I want to get this over with,” she said, feeling her chest tighten as she took in the sight of Darrin sitting on the park bench, watching her with an expression that tore at her.

“Don’t fucking do this, Goose.”

“I don’t want him to be there when they do this, Jake,” she said, forcing herself to look away from Darrin before she did something stupid.

“That’s not true and you know it.”

Sighing, she returned to running her hand absently along the top of the stone wall as she walked away, needing to put a little space between her and Darrin’s knowing gaze. “Are you going to help me or what, Jake?”

There was a slight pause before Jake said, “I’m your brother and I love you, Goose, but I’m not going to help you do this. Whatever it is that you’re running from, Goose, stop before it’s too late. Tell Darrin that they moved your surgery date up and let him come home with you.”

“I’m not running away from anything,” she bit out as she roughly wiped at her eyes when they began to tear up.

“Yes, you are,” the all-too familiar voice that always managed to make her feel safe and loved said as her phone was gently taken away from her.

“Go away, Darrin,” she said weakly, fighting the urge to turn around and wrap her arms around him.

“Not until you answer my question,” he said as he reached around her and handed her the phone.

“Which is?”

“Do you love me enough to stop pushing me away?”

“I’m not-” she began to argue the same bullshit that she’d been feeding him for years, but he apparently had enough.

“Stop playing this fucking game with me, Marybeth.”

She shook her head, refusing to say another word.

“Then I’m done, Marybeth. I am so fucking done it’s not even funny. I love you too much to stand around any longer while you play the martyr. You let the simple fact that you can’t have children dictate our lives. You can’t have children. Get the fuck over it, because I have. Children are a blessing, not a guarantee and as much as I would have loved to have them, I’ve always wanted you more, but you’re so fucking blinded by your own self-pity that you refuse to see that. I’m done playing these hot and cold games with you. I’m done begging you to stay in my life, Marybeth. I’m just fucking done.”

*-*-*-*

He’d wasted six years waiting for her.

Six. Fucking. Years!

No matter what he said or what he did, she was never going to let this bullshit go and he was tired of trying to convince her to stay with him. He shouldn’t have to beg a woman to be with him and the fact that he had to do it with the woman that he loved made him feel like pure shit.

“Don’t walk away from me!” Marybeth yelled, chasing after him as he stormed out of the reptile farm and headed towards the line of taxis that would take him away from her and the bullshit that she put him through. “We’re going to finish this once and for all!”

“We’re done!” he snapped, not even bothering to look back when he said it, which he paid for seconds later when the little brat slammed into him, taking him down to the ground, hard.

“No, we’re not,” she snapped, trying to get him in a headlock, but unfortunately for her, she grew up with only one brother, a brother that was absolutely terrified of what Darrin would do to him if he ever laid a fucking finger on her so she had absolutely no idea what she was doing. He easily escaped her hold, rolled onto her back, grabbed her by her hips and moved to set her aside when she did the unthinkable.

“Mother fucker!” Darrin shouted in surprise and agony when she reached down and twisted his poor defenseless nipples through his shirt.

“We’re going to finish this, right here, right now, Darrin, because as much as you hate the bullshit that I’ve been putting you through, I hate it more. I hate the fact that I can’t give you what you need and what you deserve. I hate the fact that no matter how many pills and shots that I take or no matter how many surgeries that I’ve had, I’m still broken. I hate it. I hate that I will never hold your baby,” she bit out bitterly angrily.

“Baby, I-” he started to say, but she wasn’t done yet.

“I hate that I can’t see a baby without feeling like my heart is about to break. I hate this. I hate this whole fucking situation, but I hate even more that I’m not good enough for you and I never will be!” she snapped, releasing her hold on his nipples so that she could get to her feet as she glared down at him. “You were right. Is that what you wanted to hear? That as long as I didn’t have to face the truth a small part of me could go on pretending that there was still hope? That once I allowed myself something real with you that reality would come crashing down on me and there would be nowhere for me to run? In a matter of days I’ll never be able to delude myself into thinking that I’m whole again. Is that what you wanted to hear? Congratulations, Darrin,” she said tightly as she stepped away from him, “it must be wonderful knowing that you were right.”