We had set October 20 as our wedding date, taking Mike’s advice and getting married in the Maldives. I didn’t care where we got married; as long as we had a beachside villa to snuggle in, I’d be content.

But as much as I wanted to marry Ryan, I couldn’t. Not like this.

I needed him whole before he committed to me and he was anything but whole right now.

That light that used to dance in his eyes was gone.

His spirit was broken and it tore me apart.

I had convinced Ryan to return to Seaport with me under the guise that I had business in the bar to attend to, but really I needed a strong Wi-Fi connection, which was nonex-istent at the cabin. I knew exactly what I wanted to get Ryan for a wedding gift, but I needed time to execute my plan.

Since the pub wasn’t so busy, Ryan and I decided to have lunch downstairs. We were dying to sample some of the new entrees Tammy was serving up. Even the apartment smelled deliciously edible.

“Did you call your lawyer back?” I asked, trying not to burn my lips on the piping-hot French onion soup I was drooling over.

Ryan nodded, chomping down on his chicken club panini.

“So you told him no prenup? Are you sure?”

Ryan looked me square in the eyes. “Positive. You need a prenup? I’ve got one better.” He grabbed a Mitchell’s Pub napkin from the holder and borrowed a pen from one of the new waitresses. I watched him carefully write on the napkin, doing his best not to tear it. “After all, this love affair of ours really began when you gave me your phone number. Remember?”

I was dying to know what he was writing. I drifted my foot over his under the table. “Of course I remember. I wrote it on a Mitchell’s napkin.”

“Which I still have, by the way.” He smiled fondly. As soon as he was done writing, he placed the napkin across the table in front of me.

I smiled and laughed when I read, “I promise to never fight over the toaster.” It meant a lot that he said that, knowing Marie and Gary had fought over such trivial things.

I motioned for the pen, grabbed another napkin, and wrote, “I promise never to steal your toaster or your TV.” He laughed and tapped on the napkin.

“That better include the remote when I’m watching hockey, hon. Just saying. Give me the pen. It’s my turn.” While he was busy writing, I went behind the bar to grab my own pen.

I came back to “I promise to buy you your own TV so we never have to argue about what’s on.”

That made me laugh. “I draw the line at golf.” I wrote on mine, “I promise to never take your money.”

He stared at me for a few moments and frowned. “That’s a given, Tar.” The note he passed back stated, “I promise to never complain about you spending my money.” And when it comes to stuff for the house, I’m drawing the line at curtain shopping. If you love me, you’ll never ask me what I think about that sort of stuff.”

“Okay, no curtain shopping. Got it.” I put his message on our growing pile and wrote,

“I promise to be a good wife.” His smile was mesmerizing. I got back, “I promise to be a good husband.” I gazed at the warm, blue eyes that meant everything to me. “We keep this up and we won’t have to write wedding vows.”

“Well if that’s the case.” Ryan quickly scribbled another one. “I promise to start every day and end every night telling you I love you.”

I wanted to climb into his lap. I leaned over the table and kissed him. Trying to top that was difficult. I ended up writing, “I promise to love only you until I take my last dying breath.”

“Till death do us part,” he whispered. His next message: “I promise to love you forever.”

“Well then…” I slapped “I promise to always tend to your needs” in front of him.

He tapped on my napkin vow and grinned. “I’m going to hold you to this one.

You know how needy I am.”

His next message said, “I promise to only have eyes for you.”

That one struck me right in the heart. I scribbled on the bottom of it: “For as long as we both shall live?”

He gave me a warm smile, a wink, and a nod.

I quickly followed up with “I promise to give you a blow job on your birthday.” Ryan held the napkin up, looked like he’d won the lottery for a few seconds, and then asked. “Only on my birthday?” He sorted through the small pile and held up the one that said I’d always tend to his needs. “I’m thinking I’m way more needy than that, babe. My needs are constant.” I quickly scribbled, “I promise no matter how needy you get, to never make you sleep on the couch.”

Ryan held up a finger for me to wait while he wrote on his napkin, “Do you promise to talk to me when something is bothering you?”

I wrote on the bottom of it, “Yes, and you?” and passed it back to him.

Ryan wrote his “Yes” underneath mine and underlined it twice.

My next vow stated, “I promise to find a way every day to make you happy.” He sorted through the sheets and held up the one with the BJ on it. “Can we edit the BJ vow to daily/hourly? That would make me really happy and tend to my needs all in one shot.”

He looked so damn hopeful. How could I ever deny him anything? I sifted through the vows, finding the one that said he’d love me forever. “Since you promised, I’ll see what I can do.”

He reached across the table, took my hand in his, and pulled it to his mouth, placing a tender kiss next to my engagement ring.

Chapter 26

Marry Me

Ryan’s escape from celebrity life only lasted so long. He’d stopped looking at scripts and considering multimillion-dollar roles, which worried me more than he could have ever realized. I knew his career, his A-list status, could only take so much before it would be too late to revive. Fortunately, the premiere for the second Seaside film, Day of Dawn, sucked him right back into the spotlight.

It was almost as if he’d never left. I didn’t realize how much I’d come to miss his hectic lifestyle until we didn’t have it anymore. I missed Mike and Marie even more, and I was grateful that Ryan had another junket to get through so we could all be together again.

I was so glad that the premiere was in ll.A.

It made making secrets deals that much easier. While Ryan was occupied with the press, I met with two influential producers and negotiated a

two-hundred-thousand-dollar purchase. I had to sell all of my family’s vested interests in the wineries to do it, but investing in Ryan’s future was worth it.