“No,” I admitted; the burn of remorse seeped into my chest. “I thought I lost you.”

“Tar, Honey…” He breathed heavily. “Why, I mean, how could you think?” Ryan’s voice cracked.

“I yelled for you. I ran after you!” His speech quivered. “I didn’t know why you left me.”

“The note… it said you were going to end it with me. I thought… you and Lauren.” The tears streamed down my cheeks. “I was going to wait and show it to you and make you tell me to my face that she was what you wanted, but then some man called and I saw you in the restaurant… I didn’t know you were filming… I swear I didn’t know.”

“So you were going to give up? Just like that?” Ryan asked.

“If Lauren is what you need to be happy, what’s the point in fighting? Would it ever make a difference and change your mind if you wanted someone else? I’ve been there before, Ryan. Once one person in the relationship veers off course, there’s nothing that can bring them back.”

He was silent. I could hear him breathing. His lack of conversation frightened me even further, but I waited.

“How…” he choked on his words. “How can we ever… make it… if you don’t believe in me?”

The hollow pain shot back into my chest. He was veering off course.

“I do believe in you!” I defended. “I do.” My words came in pleading whispers. “But how was I to take evidence that stated otherwise?”

Ryan’s breathing became louder, labored.

“What happens the next time some fan sends some bullshit letter that you think is real? Are we going to be right back in this same spot again?”

he snapped angrily.

“No, we won’t, because reading some letter that arrives in the mail is a lot different than finding a love note from your co-star ex-girlfriend and silk panties that aren’t mine on the floor next to your bed in your hotel room.”

“I’m afraid now that you’ll never be able to trust me,” he muttered.

I could hear it in his voice and I knew him well enough to know he was trying to convince himself otherwise.

“That depends…” I uttered softly, wiping my tears.

“On what?”

“If you give me a chance to have a next time,” I sighed, fearing his answer. If he wanted an out, here was his opportunity.

Ryan huffed in my ear. “I don’t know,” he murmured. “Tar, I’m an actor. This is what I do. If you can’t trust me…”

I closed my eyes as new tears burned my face.

“What about you?” I asked, my tears clogged my throat. “Are you going to think I’m having affairs with other men when you’re not around? You think I arranged to run to the arms of that asshole? I still don’t remember how I ended up at the airport, Ryan.”

I wiped the back of my hand across my eyes.

“I’ve seen the pictures of me in the terminal. Do I look happy in any of them, because I thought they were an accurate representation of how completely devastated I was.”

“I know,” Ryan sighed. “I’m trying to get past the fact that it’s Kyle in these pictures, but I can see how torn up you are.”

For a moment, we were both silent. I was remembering the almost catatonic state I was in when those pictures were taken. Ryan was apparently logged on to his computer. Even still, one question remained unanswered.

“Just tell me, whose black panties were in your bedroom?” I asked, careful not to accuse him.

“Honey, I swear I don’t know. I have no idea how they got there, but I can tell you that I’m going to find out. I swear to God there is no one else.”

“You swear?” I asked for his vow.

“On my life,” he confirmed.

“Taryn, you know that I love you, but if you can’t trust me, you have to let me know now.”

“I want to trust you, I do. I love you so much!” I broke down again. “Please, please… just for one moment… put yourself in my shoes.”

He breathed heavily. “Why do relationships have to be so damn complicated?”

I thought about every wonderful moment we spent together and the times when things became difficult.

“Our relationship only got complicated when we allowed other influences to affect it. Things were perfect when we stayed hidden away in our apartment.”

Ryan laughed lightly. I hoped he was picturing holding me just as much as I was picturing being in his arms.

“So where do we go from here?” he asked.

I remembered saying the same line to him once earlier in our relationship when we were at a crossroads. There was only one reply that fit.

“We give it a chance,” I whispered his line back to him.

Chapter 35 – Answers

“My arm feels strange,” I muttered, rubbing my hand over the skin on my left arm for the first time in six weeks. “It looks smaller too.” I pulled my shirt and coat sleeve back down to stifle the chill I got from the cold weather.

Marie took her eyes off the road for a second and smiled at me.

After the nightmarish last few days, I was finally able to start seeing things clearly.

“So tell me – how did you know where Ryan was planning on taking me for my birthday?” I asked, wondering how she was going to avoid answering. Marie had been very careful with her answers last night, skirting around subjects and giving me cryptic replies.

She was quiet for a moment. I could tell she was thinking about what to say before she said it.

“Ryan told me so we’d cover the bar while you were gone,” she replied easily.

“Oh.” I nodded.

Her reply seemed almost rehearsed. I sensed there was more to it than what she was willing to share, so, while we were on the subject, I tossed out my next question.

“And how did you and Tammy know about the evening gowns?” I stared at her while she drove.

She sighed heavily. “Ryan asked me to verify your shoe size because he wasn’t sure if you wore a seven or a seven and a half. Considering how banged up you were, he wanted you to feel glamorous on your birthday.”

Marie nudged me in the leg. “Do you have any idea how freaking lucky you are?”

I thought about her statement. Several reasons for me to feel lucky came to mind. First and foremost was the fact that the SUV didn’t kill me.

She glanced over when I didn’t answer.

“Do you know what Gary got me for my birthday?”