But today it’s gotten worse. A sick, twisted part of me almost wishes that he was still drugged and sleeping. At least then I could pretend that everything was normal and he was just recovering from the fight. Today he’s no longer sleepy or withdrawn, he’s up and around and he wants nothing to do with me. He won’t tell me to leave, but he doesn’t have to. His body said it when I touched him this morning and he flinched. I should be more understanding of what he’s going through, but his innate reaction tore through me, shredding my heart in pieces.

I don’t want to push him, but I can’t help myself. I’m selfish, hating the feeling in my gut, I need to know he’s okay. That we’ll be okay. I have no idea if it will work, but I can’t stay here anymore just waiting for him to push me further away. He doesn’t acknowledge it when I pack up my bag, I wish his desire for me to stay was stronger. That it would be enough to make him snap out of it as he watches me walk out the door. But instead, he just nods when I tell him I’m going home. I kiss him goodbye on the lips softly, even though he doesn’t respond. I want to feel that beautiful mouth on mine one last time before I go, knowing it could be the last after what I’m about to do.

***

Even though I took a few days off, I go straight to the office from Nico’s to talk to Regina, hoping she will support my decision. Lawrence is at the desk when I walk in, and he’s smiling. He probably thinks we’ve been out celebrating. His face falls as I get closer. I’m a mess and I can’t even begin to try to hide it.

“Can you take an early lunch?” Regina is standing to go with me before I finish the question. Lawrence doesn’t balk when I tell him I need the rest of the week off. I’ve hardly taken any time since I started and I work twice the amount of hours as most.

Lawrence stops me as I turn to leave with Regina. “Take care of yourself. And keep this one for the rest of the day. I’ll get the old ball and chain to come over and work reception. She’s been bugging me to spend more time with her anyway…maybe this will count toward my new quota.” He tries to make light of his concern for me, but it’s written on his face clear as day. Surprising him, I reach up and kiss his cheek before Regina and I take off from the office.

***

It’s true, you really can find anything with Google, and a little determination these days. As soon as I find what I need, I call and set a time to see him the next day. I wish it was today, but it will have to do. Regina stays with me the rest of the night, pretending to fall asleep on my couch, but I know she never planned to leave from the minute she caught sight of me today.

***

Nico

It’s been days since I saw her. At least I think it has. One day just rolls into the next when you lie around and wallow in your own self-pity. She hasn’t called since she left and I don’t blame her.

Fucking Preach had me believing that the fight would heal me, like getting back in the cage would make me feel whole again, normal. Things were starting to go good for the first time in a long time before I went back. It was my decision, but I’ll never forgive Preach for telling me it was right.

I should have just finished what I started, let him pummel me until I was out. But then I started to lift myself from the mat, ready to receive my final penance, when I caught sight of her. It was only a second, but that was all it took. Standing on her chair, screaming and cheering, wearing my face on her t-shirt. I thought it was a sign. A sign that Preach was right and I needed to take back what was mine, to move forward with my life. So I did it. I stood over the brother of the man I killed…the man who looks just like him, and struck another blow. And he didn’t move. His head rattled around in slow motion and I watched as he bounced lifelessly from the mat. I thought I’d killed. Again.

Fucking Preach. Push through, take back your life and move on, is what he said. Look where it got me. I’ve showed the first person that I thought understood me in a long time my true colors. I’m a monster. I don’t blame her for leaving me.

The bell sounds again from downstairs. I know it’s Preach, he’s the only one that refuses to god damn listen and leave me alone. So help me God, I may not be able to hold back from beating the shit out of the old guy this time. He’s tried my patience and it won’t take much to shell out the punishment he deserves. The bastard should be miserable too.

I send the elevator down and wait patiently as it comes back up. I’m done with him and he’s gonna know it. Practically ripping the lift gate off the hinges, I throw it open, ready to pounce on Preach. “What the f**k!”

The confused visitor takes a step back, throwing his hands up in surrender. For a second, I’m confused, almost not recognizing the man retreating in my elevator car fully dressed.

“Wooo, man. If it’s not a good time, I’ll split.”

I just stand there, not knowing what to say or do. I’m a little shell-shocked to see him. His face relaxes a little as my anger is replaced by confusion.

“You gonna invite me in, or kick my ass again?” Trevor smiles. His face is bruised and cut, but he’s standing there, inside my elevator, looking better than I do.

I finally step aside, motioning silently for him to enter. Trevor walks in and whistles approvingly. “Nice space.” I watch as he looks around, his eyes falling to the championship belt that I haven’t touched since Preach threw it at me two days ago. It’s sitting on the floor in the living room.

Trevor laughs, “If that was my belt, I’d still be wearing it. Bet that thing can land allota good tits and ass.”

I’m not laughing with him when he turns his attention on me, understanding spreading across his face as he speaks. “That’s right, you don’t need any of that shit. That little lawyer of yours is hot as hell, but sure is a handful. She could sell ice to an eskimo.” He shakes his head as if he’s reflecting.

My fists clench at my sides at the mention of Elle. Who does this clown think he is walking into my house and talking shit about my girl? Like a good fighter, he reads my face and knows there’s trouble coming. Throwing his hands up again in mock surrender, he chirps out, “Take it easy man, I didn’t mean nothin’ by it. She’s a great lady.”

“What do you know about Elle?” Throwing your hands up isn’t going to make me stop when you talk about Elle, but it will make it easier for me to rip your eyes from the socket so you never check her out again.