They were closer somehow. He didn’t know if it was himself who’d moved or Simon. He thought maybe it was both of them, they’d both somehow drifted toward one another.

“I’m sorry. I freaked out that last night and I’m not entirely sure why. I shouldn’t have, and I owe you an apology. You’ve been a good friend, and I missed you.” Simon closed his eyes and Trevor’s whole body surged with energy. “I’m not sure I’ve ever told anyone I missed them before,” Simon added.

Trevor didn’t stop to think. He followed every impulse in his body and leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Simon’s. The second their lips touched, Simon’s immediately opened up for him. Trevor dipped his tongue into Simon’s mouth. Suddenly he needed more, more, more. More of everything, so he kissed deeper, harder. He let his hands grab the side of Simon’s face. It was smooth like it always was, and that damned square jaw of his fit just right beneath Trevor’s cupped hand.

He let it slide down, slipped it under Simon’s shirt as he moved closer, and that’s when the mouth beneath his stopped moving and Simon jerked away.

Fuck.

He’d gone off his instinct, acted without thinking. Again, for the millionth time in his life, Trevor knew he fucked up.

***

“Shit! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. Christ. What was I thinking? You were just talking to me about your wife and I kiss you?”

Yeah, Trevor kissed him, and Simon had kissed him back. Simon wanted to do it again. Wanted to feel the press of the stud in Trevor’s lip dig into his.

“It won’t happen again. You’re my friend. I won’t take advantage of that.” Trevor pushed to his feet. “It won’t happen again,” he said for the second time.

As he tried to walk away, Simon reached out for him, wrapped his hand around Trevor’s wrist the way he had the last time they spent time together.

“You’re straight. I had no business kissing you. I know that.” But Trevor didn’t take his hand back and Simon didn’t let go.

Simon said, “That wasn’t a first for me.” And he didn’t want it to be a last, either. It was probably the worst idea he ever had, but he wanted Trevor’s mouth on his again. He wanted to let go, to forget. To lose himself in someone else. He’d already lost himself, but at least if he did it here, with Trevor, he would enjoy it. They’d be lost together. Half the time it felt like that anyway.

“What do you mean it’s not a first for you?” The shock in Trevor’s voice made him smile.

“College. I was working my ass off in school and didn’t want anything serious. There were a few men back then. I guess you can call me bi-sexual. I never put much thought into it. I just knew I enjoyed both men and women when I took the time away from studying to have some fun. Then I met Heather, and it was only her after that. There wasn’t any reason to think about it much after her. But I’m thinking about it now, and I want you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s not usually my conversation starter. And I thought we were just friends. I’m telling you I want you now, though.”

That’s all it took to persuade Trevor. He jerked his arm, and Simon went easily. He stood, and then their mouths crashed down on each other. Their teeth clanked together. It was frantic and messy and unskilled, but Simon didn’t care. In this moment he wasn’t the man who broke Heather’s heart. He wasn’t the surgeon with a fucked up hand. He was only a man, a man taking and receiving pleasure.

Trevor’s mouth slid down to Simon’s neck. Trevor’s rough facial hair and the piercing rubbed against him. “Jesus, you could have told me that a long time ago. How far?” Trevor shoved his hands under Simon’s shirt and pushed it up. Simon finished pulling it over his own head.

“You’re chatty. Are you asking me how far I’ve gone with other men?”

Trevor chuckled against his skin before he ran his tongue over Simon’s flat nipple.

“No, I’m asking you how far you can throw a baseball. Of course I’m asking you how far you’ve gone. Or at least what you like.”

Simon froze up at that. Yes, there had been other men, but he’d never been fucked. It wasn’t something he was opposed to, he didn’t think, but he wasn’t ready for that tonight. Plus, “I am so out of the loop. I don’t have condoms. Do you?” He wanted to laugh again. As he ran his hands up and down Trevor’s back, wishing he’d taken Trevor’s shirt off. He felt like a horny teenager, freaking out because he didn’t have protection. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this way.