I felt like I should say something. I felt like I needed to let them know I knew I wasn’t supposed to be there, but my tongue seemed to be swollen to the size of a balloon and it felt like it was full of lead. No matter how badly I wanted to smile like it was no big deal and say something witty, I couldn’t force my lips to move and my voice seemed to be stuck somewhere in the bottom of my lungs, which I couldn’t fill.

“I’m sorry.” The words squeaked out of my mouth. They were small and insignificant, like me.

And then my legs didn’t feel numb anymore and somehow I managed to turn and step out of the room. The hallway of Zeke’s trailer never seemed so long. It suddenly loomed in front of me and I didn’t think I’d ever make it to his front door. The sinking floor felt like it was consuming my feet with each step until finally I made it.

The aluminum door caught the wind when I opened it and had it not been for the rusted chain that kept the door in reach, it would have smacked into the trailer. I used the doorframe to hold myself up when a wave of dizziness swept through me. I silently wondered to myself if anyone had ever died from heartbreak. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and my brain was misfiring. I couldn’t think straight. Little things like moving my legs and walking out of his trailer were too difficult for me to comprehend.

Finally, my motor skills kicked in and I could move again. The cool breeze kissed my cheeks as I stepped out onto the rocky porch. I pushed the door shut and slipped down the wooded stairs. Halfway to my car I felt the sprinkle of rain against my hair. It wasn’t until I was safe in my car that I realized there were actual tears on my cheeks.

I silently prayed to myself that they didn’t come until I was out of Zeke’s house. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me cry. He never needed to know how much I cared about him. He never needed to know the final piece of me that had been holding on flittered away to nothing when I saw him with her.

Twenty-One

Zeke

Walking away from Patience was hard, but it was necessary. The look on her face when I walked away from her would live in my nightmares for a while.

I didn’t even tell Finn I was leaving. Instead, I walked out and drove drunk as fuck to the park by the Boy’s Club. It reminded me of Patience and I felt close to her there. I could still remember that first kiss with her. It was beyond amazing.

I lifted my trusty bottle of Everclear and finished it. I was so drunk my lips were going numb. I got out and jumped into the bed of my car. I pushed some trash over and lay flat on my back. Staring up at the stars, I passed out.

The next morning, I woke up stiff and hung over. I drove back to the apartment and then stood in the hot shower until I started to feel alive again. When I got out, Tiny was sitting on the couch in his boxers, playing Xbox.

“Dude, what happened to you last night?” he asked without taking his eyes away from his game.

“I got drunk and passed out at the park.”

I opened the fridge and downed some tomato juice. Dad swore by it for a hangover. Turns out he was right. I stocked up the minute I knew I’d be doing some heavy drinking. I crashed onto the couch next to Tiny.

“Why do you play this shit, man? It hurts my brain just watching.”

“You don’t know nuttin’ about some Skyrim,” he said as he fought some crazy-looking giant on the screen.

“Yeah, you have fun with that. I’m going over to my old man’s house to get my shit. I’ll be back.”

I got off the couch and started toward the door.

“Yeah, see you later.”

Not once did he take his eyes off the screen.

A few minutes later, I pulled into my dad’s empty yard. I’d never been so happy to see his truck gone. The shitty front porch buckled as I ran up the steps to the front door. The door popped open with little effort and the smell of beer was stronger than ever when I walked in.

I didn’t waste any time. I went straight to my old bedroom and started packing my shit into black trash bags I’d grabbed in the kitchen. I was almost done when I heard the door open. I froze. The thought of my dad coming home sucked. It was the last thing I wanted to deal with right now. I’m sure he was sour as shit about getting his ass kicked.

I peeked down the hallway, expecting to see his large frame approaching. Instead, Stephanie, the redhead, stood there. She smiled seductively as she slowly walked down the hallway toward my room.

“What are you doing here?” I asked as I turned away and started packing. “How did you know where I was?”

“I didn’t. I was across the street, hanging out with my girl, when I saw you pull up. I thought I’d come over and see if there was anything I could help you with. Finn told me you were moving in with Tiny. I figured you were packing.”