Rich People Problems Page 18

“Well Lincoln, get them to put a rush on it. Or have some courier service do it if these people can’t get it here fast enough.”

“It’s going to cost a fortune to have five hundred gallons of bottled water flown overnight!” Ah Tock exclaimed.

Victoria gave him a look that said: Do I look like I give a damn how much it costs?

In moments like these, Ah Tock couldn’t believe he was actually related to these people. For the life of him, he could not imagine why the Aakaras needed to have special mineral water from some obscure spring in the Bernese Oberland flown in just for them. Wasn’t Singapore tap water—rated one of the best in the world—good enough for these people? Or Perrier, for fuck’s sake? Were these delicate Thai royals going to drop dead if they had to drink Perrier?

“How are things coming along with the room?” Victoria asked.

“The team will be here to install everything tomorrow morning. I’ve also rented two mobile-home units, which we can park behind the French walled garden. This is where the doctors and nurses can be based, since you don’t want them in the house,” Ah Tock reported.

 

“It’s not that we don’t want them in the house, but between Alix and Malcolm coming in from Hong Kong and the Aakaras bringing all their maids, there’s just no room.”

Ah Tock was incredulous. This was the biggest private house in Singapore—he had never been able to count how many bedrooms there actually were—and they couldn’t even find space for the dedicated medical team that would be moving in to care for their dying mother?

“How many maids is Auntie Cat bringing?”

“She usually brings three of her own, five when Taksin joins her, but with all her sons and their wives coming, goodness knows how many of them will show up.” Victoria sighed.

“The team from Mount E came earlier today to do their assessment, and they think that the best place to set up the cardiac care unit is in the conservatory,” he said, trying to reason with his cousin.

Victoria shook her head irritatedly. “No, that won’t do. Mummy will want to be upstairs in her own bedroom.”

At this point, Ah Ling felt like she had to interject. “But Victoria, the conservatory is perfect. They won’t have to transport her upstairs, not to mention all the machines and generators. It’s secluded from any noise in the service wing, and they can set up all the machines in the adjoining dining room and have the wiring brought in right through the conservatory doors.”

“It’s no use arguing. Years ago when I suggested to Mummy that she move her bedroom downstairs so that she didn’t have to keep climbing the stairs, she said to me, ‘I will never sleep downstairs. The servants sleep downstairs. And the only members of my family who have ever slept downstairs have done so in their coffins.’ Trust me, she will expect everything to be set up in her bedroom.”

Ah Tock had to resist rolling his eyes. Even from her deathbed, Great-auntie Su Yi was still trying to control the whole world. And a little gratitude from Her Imperial Highness would have been nice—he had worked nonstop to make all this happen in record time, and Victoria hadn’t uttered “thank you” even once.

Just then, a maid knocked softly on the open door and peered in.

“What is it?” Victoria asked.

“I have a message for Ah Ling,” the maid said in a very soft voice.

 

“Well, come in here and tell it to her. Don’t just stand there skulking by the door!” Victoria scolded.

“Sorry, ma’am,” the maid said, glancing at Ah Ling nervously. “Um, the guardhouse called. Mrs. Alexandra Cheng and family are arriving.”

“What do you mean arriving?” Ah Ling asked.

“They are pulling up to the house now.”

“Now? But they aren’t supposed to be here until Thursday like everyone else!” Ah Ling groaned.

“Oh for heaven’s sake—did they give us the wrong dates?” Victoria fumed.

Ah Ling looked out the window and saw that it wasn’t just Alix and her husband, Malcolm, getting out of the car. There were six cars, and the whole damn family was pouring out of them—Alistair Cheng; Cecilia Cheng Moncur and her husband, Tony, with their son, Jake; and who was that stepping out of the car in a white linen suit? Oh dear God. It couldn’t be. She looked at Victoria in a panic and blurted out, “Eddie is here!”

Victoria groaned. “Alix didn’t say he was coming! Where are we going to put him?”

“It’s not just him…Fiona and the children are here too.”

“Good God! He’s going to kick up a fuss and demand the Pearl Suite again. And that’s reserved for Catherine and Taksin when they arrive on Thursday.”

Ah Ling shook her head. “Actually, Catherine’s lady’s maid in Bangkok called me to say that Adam and his wife should have the Pearl Suite.”

“But Adam is their youngest son. Why on earth should he get the Pearl Suite?”

“Apparently Adam’s wife is the daughter of some prince who ranks higher than Taksin. So they must have the Pearl Suite.”

“Oh yes, I forgot about all that protocol nonsense. Well, Ah Ling, it will be your job to deliver the news to Eddie.” Victoria smiled wryly.

 

* * *

*1 Hindi for “watchman,” the term is used for any sort of security guard. The jagas at Tyersall Park were, of course, highly trained Gurkhas that could disembowel another man with just two strokes from their daggers.

*2 Ah Tock is a great-great-grandson of Shang Zhao Hui, the grandfather of Shang Su Yi, but because he was descended from the second wife of the patriarch’s five official wives, none of the children from her branch inherited any substantial fortune from the Shang empire and were considered lesser, “distant cousins” when they were in fact not so distant at all.

*3 The literal meaning in Hokkien is “red hair,” but it’s a derogatory colloquial term used to describe anything of Western origin, since to many of Singapore’s older-generation Chinese, all Western people are considered ang mor kow sai—“redhaired dog shit.”

*4 Singlish slang that’s equivalent to “cool” or “fantastic” or “amazing” in Malay.

*5 Cantonese for “grandfather.”

*6 Officially known as the Institute of Mental Health, Singapore’s first psychiatric hospital was founded in 1841 on the corner of Bras Basah Road and Bencoolen Street. It was first known as the Insane Hospital but was renamed the Lunatic Asylum in 1861 when it moved to a site near the old Kandang Kerbau Maternity Hospital. In 1928, a new building was built along Yio Chu Kang Road and after several more name changes—the New Lunatic Asylum and the Mental Hospital among them—it was renamed Woodbridge Hospital in an effort to shake off some of the stigma associated with its previous names. Yet for generations of Singaporeans, Woodbridge only means one thing: You’ve gone bat-shit crazy.

CHAPTER TEN

PORTO FINO ELITE ESTATES, SHANGHAI

Lined up in perfect military precision on the steps of the monolithic granite-and-concrete structure were six attendants. Back in the days when Colette Bing was the mistress of the house—thanks to her indulgent father, Jack—the staff had been clad in chic black T-shirts and black jeans from James Perse. But ever since Kitty Pong Tai Bing had taken over the grand residence at the heart of Porto Fino Elite Estates, she had outfitted the men in black-tie butler’s uniforms and the women in classic black-and-white French maid outfits.