b. $2,000,000 to my personal chef LIM Ah Ching, who has nourished my family with her fine culinary talents since 1965.

(Victoria, shaking her head: Ah Ching’s going to throw a fit when she realizes she got less than Ah Ling. Better not eat the soup tonight!)

c. $1,000,000 to my head gardener Jacob THESEIRA, who has maintained the grounds of Tyersall Park with such loving care. I further bequeath to him all the rights and future royalties related to the orchid hybrids we developed together over the course of five decades.

d. $1,000,000 to each of my dear lady’s maids Madri VISUDHAROMN and Patravadee VAROPRAKORN along with the antique Peranakan gold-and-diamond bracelets labeled for them in the Tyersall Park vault.

e. $500,000 to my head of security Captain Vikram GHALE, who has diligently protected me since 1983. I further bequeath to him the Type 14 Nambu pistol given to me by Count Hisaichi Terauchi preceding his departure from Singapore in 1944.

(Eleanor: Wah, so generous! I wonder if Old Lady knew that he made a fortune with his day trading?)

f. $250,000 to my chauffeur Ahmad BIN YOUSSEF. I further bequeath to him the 1935 Hispano-Suiza Type 68 J12 Cabriolet*3 that was given to me by my father on my sixteenth birthday.

(Alfred: Damn, I wanted the Hispano! I guess I can buy it off him.)

g. I bequeath every remaining employee of Tyersall Park not mentioned here the amount of $50,000 each.

3. Specific Legacies of Personal Property.

a. I direct that my jewelry collection be given and distributed according to the detailed list in Appendix A of this my Last Will and Testament, and as labeled in my vault at Tyersall Park.

(Cecilia Cheng Moncur: I wonder why she bothered. Everyone knows Astrid already got all the good shit.)

b. I direct that all artwork, antiques, and other household goods not specifically gifted by my Will be distributed equally among my surviving children by my executors in as nearly equal portions as may be practicable, with the exception of the following:

i. To my daughter Felicity YOUNG LEONG, I bequeath my collection of Celadon porcelain, which I know she will cherish and keep immaculately spotless for all eternity.

(Alix: Hahaha! Felicity and her OCD. Mummy sure had a sense of humor when she wrote her will!)

ii. To my daughter Victoria YOUNG, I bequeath a small painting of a woman by her bedroom window by Édouard Vuillard. I know she has always detested this painting, so I trust she will divest of it immediately and use the proceeds to buy that dream house in England that she keeps talking about.

(Victoria: Criticize me from the grave all you want, but I’ve already been town-house shopping on Sothebysrealty.com.)

iii. To my son Philip YOUNG, I bequeath all objects in Tyersall Park belonging to his father, Sir James Young.

(Philip: Did I remember to program the DVR to record the new season of Arrow? Can’t wait to get back to Sydney. This is such a colossal waste of time!)

iv. To my daughter Alexandra YOUNG CHENG, I bequeath my collection of carved ivory-and-jade name seals, since she is the only one of my children who actually knows Mandarin.

v. To my daughter-in-law Eleanor SUNG, I bequeath a box of Santa Maria Novella Almond Soap.

(All the women in the room gasped audibly, while Eleanor simply broke out in laughter. Nick glanced at his mother, not understanding. Jacqueline whispered to Nick, “She’s letting everyone know she thinks your mother was a dirty woman.”)

vi. To my cherished granddaughter Astrid LEONG, who in every way takes after my mother’s style, I bequeath my collection of cheongsams, ceremonial robes, vintage textiles, hats, and accessories.

vii. To my dear granddaughter Cecilia CHENG MONCUR, champion equestrienne, I bequeath a Chinese scroll painting of a galloping herd of horses from the Northern Song period by Li Gonglin.

viii. To my loyal and always amusing grand-nephew Oliver T’SIEN, I give and bequeath the pair of Émile-Jacques Ruhlmann table lamps from my dressing room and my signed first edition of W. Somerset Maugham’s Far Eastern Tales.

(Oliver: Niiiiiice.)

ix. To my devoted grandson Edison CHENG, I bequeath a pair of Asprey sapphire-and-platinum cuff links, gifted to my husband Sir James Young on our golden anniversary by the Sultan of Perawak. James was far too modest to wear the cuff links, but I know Edison will not be so bashful.

(Eddie: Phwoar! But enough with this piddly shit—can we just get on to the main event?)

x. I have made no specific bequests or provisions for my grandchildren Henry LEONG Jr. and Peter LEONG, for whom I have great affection, because they were left generous legacies in my late-husband Sir James Young’s Will, and because I know they have been amply provided for by the Leong Family Trusts.

(Henry Leong Jr.: What generous legacy? Gong Gong only left me $1 million, and I was just a little kid!)

4. Legacy of Historical Archives, Photographs, Documents, Personal Letters, and Ephemera. I bequeath ownership and all copyrights and intellectual property rights of my personal archive at Tyersall Park, including all family photographs, letters, journals, and documents to my dearest grandson, Nicholas YOUNG, the noted historian of our family.

5. Legacy of Shares. I bequeath my 1,000,000 Ling Holdings Pte Ltd Preference Shares—which Ling Yin Chao lost to me during an epic mah-jongg battle in 1954—to my beloved goddaughter Jacqueline LING. If she does not survive me, I bequeath the shares to her daughter Amanda LING. It is my hope that this will correct the imbalance of power within the Ling clan.

(Jacqueline’s cool, collected visage hid what she was feeling inside: Dear, dear Su Yi, you’ve liberated me! My God, I wish I could hug you right now! Felicity and her sisters frowned a little, not quite understanding what all this meant, but Eleanor, who was on top of the market, immediately started doing the math in her head: One million shares, and Ling Holdings is around $145 per share today. Jesus, Jacqueline is getting a huge windfall!)

6. Residue of My Estate. The residue of my estate consists of: Cash and other financial instruments held at my banks (OCBC in Singapore, HSBC in Hong Kong, Bangkok Bank in Thailand, C. Hoare & Co. in London, Landolt & Cie in Switzerland). I direct all the monies held in these institutions to be used toward payment of the legacies specified in Clause 2. At the fulfillment of all the specific legacies, I ask that any remaining monies be used to fund a new charitable foundation to be named THE YOUNG FOUNDATION, in memory of my husband Sir James Young. I appoint Astrid Leong and Nicholas Young as co-executors of the foundation.

7. Legacies of Real Property.

a. I give and bequeath my property in CAMERON HIGHLANDS, Malaysia, and all the contents within this eighty-acre estate to my dear grandson Alexander LEONG. If he does not survive me, I give the property to his wife Salimah LEONG and my great-grandchildren James, Anwar, and Yasmine LEONG, who I most unfortunately have never been able to meet, in equal shares.

(Harry Leong was stunned. This was such a slap to his face! Felicity didn’t dare look at her husband, but Astrid couldn’t help but smile: I can’t wait to Skype Alex. I want to see the look on his face when he finds out that Ah Ma left the incredible heritage estate in Malaysia to HIM—the son who’s been disowned by his father for marrying a native Malay girl.)

b. I give and bequeath my property in CHIANG MAI, Thailand, and all the contents within this three-hundred-acre estate to my beloved daughter Catherine YOUNG AAKARA. If she does not survive me, I give the property to her children James, Matthew, and Adam AAKARA in equal shares.