Joss reached for my hands and clasped them gently. “What if it doesn’t? What if it brings us closer together? Will you do it for my sister? Will you pretend?”

The lump in my throat just got larger and my eyes drifted for an instant to Kael and I instantly wished I hadn’t. Kael was stiff as a board, face frozen, devoid of emotion. All I could do was nod to Joss and I watched as Kael turned his back on me and walked back inside. Joss ignored Kael and turned my face up to his and gave me a quick kiss. “You won’t regret this.”

Joss took my hand and led me back into the room and nodded to his father.

Nero stood up and made an imposing figure and he cleared his throat to make an announcement. “Friends, we’ve all been saddened by the choices my daughter Tenya has made and we wish for her to come home soon. But at last, we do have good news. My son Joss has chosen his future wife, Thalia.” Loud clapping could be heard and whistles from Darren Hamden, Xiven and a few others. Kael stared at the floor, refusing to acknowledge the announcement. Hemi looked up at me in surprise and I tried to make eye contact and nod to him that we would speak later. Mona was also one of the ones not clapping, she looked hurt and confused. Probably because not even an hour ago I told her I had no desire to get married.  I squeezed my eyes closed and tried hard to take a deep breath. When I opened them again I felt that maybe just maybe I could continue with this farce, but I was going to need extra strength. The roar of congratulations, handshakes, laughter and introductions, continued throughout the evening and when I finally had a chance to escape I took it and retired to my room.

I couldn’t believe everything that had happened in one day. It was a complete disaster and I was a nervous wreck. In my soul I felt as if I was crumbling, falling apart. I opened my sight and tried to see what a real Denai would see. Nothing. I was taught at the Citadel that Denai could use their sight to see all of the energies in the world in brilliant colors and they could tap into them, control them and use them.

When I tried to use it, I never saw brilliant colors of gold or blues like Joss and others did. All I ever saw was faint greys and blacks that would sometimes surround people like Kael, very depressing and somber. It was as if my sight was broken. The worst realization I had was when I could see a bright white actually pulsing in rhythm and coming from the center of each Denai. It was their life essence I was seeing and I could actually steal it and use it for my own power. The thought of ever doing that to someone on purpose actually made me sick to my stomach. But I turned my sight inward to see if I could see any of the white glow that I saw in other Denai in me. There was nothing, just a faint pulsing blackness, which had started showing up when my nightmares began. Every night the blackness became darker and more substantial; and every night I would pray, to try and bind the darkness.

Curling up in my bed, I wrapped my arms around my knees and tried to sleep. I couldn’t contact Faraway because of the mists and the distance and once again I felt truly alone and scared. I grabbed a pillow and tried to snuggle my body around it but it didn’t work; I was too scared to sleep because of the nightmares so I lay awake in bed until the sun came up.

Chapter 21

Someone was pounding on my door. I could hear whispered voices in the hall and then rattling at my lock. At first I couldn’t understand what the commotion was all about until I realized that I had locked the door last night.

I had finally fallen asleep and wished I hadn’t, for what little sleep I had was once again plagued by nightmares of being tortured and abused. I rubbed my eyes to feel that they were crusty from the salt of my tears. I must have been crying. The pounding on the door became louder and I could hear Joss’ voice calling my name along with a softer feminine voice that must have belonged to Mona.

“I’m fine,” I tried to croak out, but my voice didn’t work. Clearing my throat, I tried a second time. “Joss, I’m awake, and I’m fine. So you can quit with the pounding.”

“Thalia are you sure, you weren’t answering,” His concerned voice reached me through the door.

“I’m sorry, I was just more tired than I had thought.”

“Well you’ve missed breakfast. Do you want something sent up? Also, I want to introduce you to my mother this afternoon.”

At his announcement I flopped back in bed and dragged a pillow over my head in despair at the reminder of what we were trying to accomplish with our lie. When I didn’t respond right away Joss pounded on the door again.

“Thalia?” He pounded. My stomach did a familiar clenching at the reminder of food. For some reason nerves and food didn’t mesh well with me. I sat up in bed and pulled the pillow off.

“No breakfast, I will be down shortly.” I listened for the retreating of steps and when I heard two pairs walk away I crumpled back onto the bed and pulled the pillow back over my head. A split second later the pillow came flying off of my face and I looked into the serious face of Kael.

“What are you doing in my room?” I hissed at him. I glanced around to see how in the world he had gotten in and my eyes immediately went to the open window. Of course that was his specialty, climbing in windows.

“You locked the door and weren’t answering so I decided to take the roof and see if you were alive.” He looked me over carefully as if searching for signs of a life.

“I’m fine.  Obviously you heard me talking to Joss, so why don’t you go back out the way you came in and leave me alone.” I gripped the pillow that he held in his hands and yanked it back.

“No,” He replied casually and came and sat down on my bed. I immediately jumped out of my bed on the other side. “At least I didn’t put my hand over your mouth,” He teased.

“Kael, please leave,” I whispered quietly.

“Not until I have a word with you.” He looked out the window as if to gather his thoughts before speaking. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Do what?” I asked.

“Pretend to be engaged to Joss. We can find another way.” He turned to study my face and he noted the dark circles under my eyes. “I can tell that you are bothered by it. You didn’t sleep last night, did you? Another nightmare?”

“It’s a little late now,” I grumbled. “It’s already been announced. And yes, more nightmares.”

“I’ll find them, Thalia. I’ll find the Septori and the Raven and break this bond and then the nightmares will stop.” He looked at me and I could see the determination written in his face. But his words that should have reassured me gave me pause for doubt; because once he did free us, he would be gone. And even though he irritated me and was short tempered I was getting used to him being around to depend on him.

My shoulders dropped in sadness at the thought of him leaving me, but Kael took it to mean something else. I saw him stiffen and jump from the bed.

“You doubt me?” He was irate. “You don’t think I can find them and—” This time it was me who walked over to him and put my hand over his mouth. Kael paused, his eyes widening.

“Don’t you think you talk too much?” I quipped lightly at him repeating the same words he had said to me last night. “Most girls like their men silent.” I looked into his eyes and saw the anger fade and his eyes lighten. “Kael,” I whispered his name. “If anyone is able to find the Septori and free us it would be you. I will never doubt that or your abilities. What you saw was my sadness at the thought of our bond being broken and you leaving me.” Kael froze every muscle in his body, afraid to move, listening to what I had to say. “Because even though you’ve at one time thought killing me would break the bond, I know you won’t. Instead, you have been my protector on numerous counts and even though you try to annoy me to the high heavens.  There are times I actually think of you as a friend and the thought of you leaving makes me sad.”