All this time we’d been surviving the end of the world together and I’d never even asked Niko where he was from.

“Yeah. Back in Buffalo there were ninety-eight guys in my troop. And you know why I joined? Because it was fun. I mean, I learned so much. But mostly I just did it because we were laughing all the time.”

“You must have really missed them, when you moved here,” I said. He shrugged.

“I will tell you guys something you’re probably not going to believe, but back in Buffalo, I had a lot of friends. I really did,” Niko continued. He brushed his hair out of his eyes. “I know it will strain your imaginations, but I even had a girlfriend.”

“What’s her name?” I asked.

“Is she hot?” Jake said at the same time.

“Lina and … yeah,” Niko said.

We all laughed again.

“She’s very pretty. She was a senior last year. Now she’s at Sarah Lawrence.”

“Wait a minute, you’re telling me last year, when you were a sophomore, you were dating a senior?”

Niko shrugged. “Yeah.”

After a moment, Jake said, “Cool.”

Brayden squinted at Niko. I could tell he was thinking what I was thinking (and probably Jake, too): No. Way.

Niko was making up a girlfriend.

But after what he’d just been through, not a one of us, not even Brayden, called him on it.

“All right, I got a question for you boys,” Brayden said. “Where’s the craziest place you ever did it?”

“Oh God.” Jake rolled his eyes. “Not this again.”

“What?” Brayden protested.

“This is like his favorite question,” Jake snorted. “And anyway, man, not all the present company can answer this one.” He nodded toward me.

I don’t think he was trying to be mean.

“Oh yeah,” Brayden said. “No speakee the nookie, eh, Dean?”

I felt my stupid face going red.

“Why do you all assume that about me?” I said. Trying to play cool and failing, I’m sure.

Jake reached across the table and poured us all another big shot.

“Dude,” Jake said. “We only assume it about you because it’s true.”

They laughed good-naturedly.

“You guys are a-holes,” I said, playing it off.

“Hey, Brayden,” Jake said. “Speaking of the nooks, how’s Josie treating you?”

I shot a look at Niko. What was Jake thinking?

Maybe he didn’t know that Niko liked Josie. Was that possible?

Brayden took a swig from his drink. He avoided looking at Niko, but grinned.

“It’s all right,” he said. “Very nice girl.”

“Ha!” Jake laughed. “That means she’s not putting out.”

Niko studied the cup in his hands.

“We do a lot of cuddling,” Brayden said.

Niko looked so relieved, I had to laugh. Jake clapped me on the shoulder. I was really feeling the rum.

“Oh man, getting laid is so awesome,” Jake said, scratching his head. “It’s just absolutely the best thing ever. Once you get it, all you can think of is getting it again. Sometimes I’m having sex and I’m worried about the next time I’m gonna have sex!”

I slugged back the rest of my rum.

I really hoped he’d shut up soon.

“You’ll get there, in time, Dean. You’ll discover for yourself the beautiful, beautiful world of the hot little clam.”

It was so base. So vulgar.

He was talking about Astrid.

He didn’t love her. He just wanted her for her body.

It wasn’t fair.

“It must be so easy for you,” I said. My face was hot.

“How so?”

“You come to our school, you’re immediately popular. You’re the best player on the football team. You get the hottest girl in school. The best girl, without lifting a finger.”

I was loose. I felt big, like I could say what I really felt. I was drunk.

“And who are you, really?” I said to Jake, pouring myself another drink. “I mean, what do you have, besides charm and some muscle?”

“All right, settle down, Geraldine,” Brayden said.

I drained my paper cup.

“That’s a lot of rum for a lightweight like you,” Jake said.

“You don’t deserve her.” I stood up. “She’s so smart, so beautiful. She’s wild and funny and kind, and you’re just a dumb jock. You don’t even love her. You just want her so you can get your rocks off.”

Jake got up, sending his chair crashing down behind him. “You’re out of line, Dean.”

My blood was pounding and I laughed.

“Out of line! Yeah, I know. If I ever speak up. If I ever stand up for myself or draw attention to myself, I’m out of line, right? Because I’m not as good as you? Is that it?”

Niko came toward me, hands out, like he was going to calm me down.

I pointed at Jake. “HE DOESN’T DESERVE HER. She’s a goddess and he’s named her body parts after Disney princesses!”

Jake roared at that, of course.

And launched himself at me, of course.

And started beating the crap out of me, of course.

After he got in some good punches, they pulled him off me.

I lay on the ground, panting. Blood was on my face and on the linoleum.

Jake gasped, trying to catch his breath, as they held him back.

“He’s a sneak,” Jake said, pointing to me. “He’s a pervert.”

“What is going on here?” Josie’s voice came.

She rushed to my side.

“What happened?”

Niko and Brayden looked guilty. Jake stormed away.

“Brayden?” Josie said.

“Josie, it just got out of control,” he said.

Josie shot Brayden and Niko an angry look.

“Well?” she said. “Is someone going to help me get him up?”

I curled on my side and puked.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I MEET PAINKILLERS

Mother Josie got me cleaned up and put me to bed. I asked her to take the breakfast shift for me and she agreed.

“Sleep it off,” she said. “You smell like a wino.”

Then I lay there the rest of the night and had feverish dreams where Jake’s fist met my face in different setups. He hit me in the library. He hit me on line for tickets at the Royal Cinemas. He hit me in my bed at home.

Through it all my head throbbed like it would split open.

* * *

In the morning I felt like I’d fallen off a ski lift, then fallen down a black diamond mogul field and been hit by a Snowcat.

Also, I had a headache.

But I knew what I had to do. I had to apologize to Jake. I couldn’t have him as my enemy.

I was going to have to lie to him.

* * *

After the little kids woke up and got herded off to the Dump for their morning ablutions, I got to my feet in increments.

My nose pounded rhythmically with pain. It was crusted full of blood so I had to breathe out of my mouth, which tasted like the bottom of a garbage disposal.

I stumbled down the hall and knocked on Jake’s door.

“Jake,” I wheezed.

I was allowing myself to sound as pitiful as I felt.

I knocked again.

“Jake,” I said. “I want to apologize.”

The door to the berth creaked open a slit.

“What?” came his voice.

“Astrid told me that stuff in confidence,” I said, sort of gasping as I spoke. “I had no right to tell the other guys. I’m sorry.”

I had his attention.

The door opened a hand’s width. I could see him in his hammock, looking at me through the gap.

“What are you talking about?” he said.

“Astrid talks to me sometimes,” I explained. “When I get food, sometimes she comes down and talks to me. She told me, some stuff about you two…”

Jake watched me through the door.

A beat. A beat. A beat.

Would he buy it?

“Pretty private stuff,” he grumbled. “What else did she say?”

“Nothing,” I said. “Just about how you met and…”

Think. Think. Think.

“She really loves you,” I said. “She said she feels scared and you’re the only one who makes her feel safe.”

He crossed his arms.

“I do love her,” he said. “You were wrong to say that stuff.”

He was buying it. I felt faint with relief or pain. Couldn’t say which.

“I know,” I said. “I’m sorry. You know, I never really drank that much before.”

WHANG, WHANG, WHANG went the pulse of dagger-tip pain at the bridge of my nose.

“Yeah,” he drawled. “I told you to slow down. Shoot, I thought you’d been spying on us. I didn’t know you two were friendly.”

“I think she gets lonely,” I said. “And I guess you probably know I have this stupid crush on her.”

I was giving him what I already knew he knew.

That’s how you do it. You win confidence by telling your secrets. It seemed like he was buying it.

I really needed him to buy it.

“Well, shoot, booker,” he said. “Then I’m sorry I beat you up so much.”

“I deserved it,” I said.

My nose was throbbing. It sent a constant stab of pain through the middle of my forehead.

“Hey, what does ‘booker’ mean, anyway?” I asked.

“Someone who reads a lot. Kind of a nerd, sorta,” he said with a sheepish smile.

Fine. He could put me down. Whatever.

As long as he didn’t slaughter me for spying on him.

I turned to leave and had to put out my hand to steady myself. Everything was getting electric at the edges of my field of vision. Little zapping fish swimming up and nearly taking me down with them.

Then Jake was up and supporting me, his shoulder under my arm. I leaned on him heavily, trying not to black out.