As Theo went in search of his coat and boots, she added, “I learned something interesting today, too. Annette said psychopaths love-bomb potential partners with attention while they’re trying to hook them, then lose interest once they’ve sealed the deal. It made me think.” She gestured in Theo’s direction. “What if that’s not just true of partners? After all, it’s what Miles did to us, in a way—showered us with attention, then switched it off. Maybe, without realizing it, it’s what he’s doing with Theo as well.”

“Oh God.” The thought that, after all this, Miles would end up ignoring Theo if he got him just made the situation even more depressing. I could see a future in which Theo would only be able to engage Miles’s interest by bringing home an endless succession of sports trophies. And pretty soon that would become Theo’s whole attitude to life—that it was all about winning.

“But it is not going to happen,” Maddie said firmly. “We are going to keep him.”

I didn’t reply. I knew she only kept saying it to keep my spirits up, but it really wasn’t working.

“Ready, Daddeee!” Theo announced, jumping up and down by the door.

Maddie’s phone rang. I was going out the door as she answered it, so I only just heard her say, “Hang on, I’ll get him.

“It’s your lawyer,” she said as she handed me the phone. “The police want to see you again. Theo, wait,” she called after the figure already running down the pavement. “It’s me coming with you now, not Daddy. Just let me grab my coat.”

90

    PETE

“THERE’S GOOD NEWS AND not-so-good news for you, Pete,” DI Richards said. He slid a padded envelope across the table. “The good news is, that’s your phone. We’ve finished with it.”

He waited for me to ask what the not-so-good news was. I shot my solicitor, Mark Cooper, a look, but he only shook his head slightly.

DI Richards sighed. “The not-so-good news is that your laptop is now evidence in two ongoing investigations.” Again he paused, waiting for me to ask what the second investigation was, and again I said nothing.

“On your laptop we found an image or images that appear to be in contravention of the Coroners and Justice Act 2009.” He paused again. “We’re talking about child pornography, Pete.”

Hearing those words said out loud felt like the end of the world. I gaped at him, dumbfounded. My head swam and there was a ringing in my ears.

“Do you have anything to say about that?” DI Richards asked sympathetically.

“On the advice of my solicitor…” I couldn’t get the words out. The room rocked glassily before my eyes.

DI Richards reached for a file and took out a plastic sleeve with something inside, which he slid across the table. “Specifically, this image,” he added.

I stared at it. I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. “But it’s…it’s…”

Mark touched my arm.

“What you are showing my client is a cartoon drawing in the Japanese style known as manga,” he said. “It appears to be a pop-up advertisement with the words CLICK HERE on it.”

“What I am showing your client,” DI Richards said reasonably, “is a sexualized image of a girl who is clearly under eighteen, since she is wearing a school uniform. This falls under the definition of a Category C nonphotographic indecent image of a minor, and it was found in the internet viewing cache of your client’s hard drive. As I’m sure you’re aware, the maximum penalty for possession of such images is three years in prison, along with a court order to comply with the notification requirements of the sex offenders’ register.”

The sex offenders’ register. This was like a bad dream.

“This is ridiculous,” Mark Cooper said patiently. “No jury is going to convict on the basis of one drawing.”

“Possibly not,” DI Richards conceded. “Although convictions have been made for possession of cartoons in the past. I’d much rather talk about child abduction and insurance fraud, to be honest.”

“Oh—so that’s it,” the solicitor said witheringly. “You’re attempting to blackmail my client into giving you a fuller interview on the child abduction charge.”

DI Richards looked pained. “We take all offenses against children very seriously.”

I put my head in my hands. I couldn’t believe this.

“My client isn’t going to give you any fuller answers.”

“Very well,” DI Richards said. “In that case, I will consult with my superiors and the CPS over what action they consider appropriate.” He put the image back in the folder and stood up. “Oh, and Pete. We have to liaise quite closely with CAFCASS in investigations like this, as you can imagine. If you change your mind, give me a call.”

“What?” My head went up as the implications of what he was saying crashed in on me. “Wait. That’s not fair—”

Mark touched my arm. “Not now, Pete.”

“I’ll do the interview,” I said desperately. “I’ll do the bloody interview, all right? There is absolutely no reason to involve CAFCASS—”

“He’s trying to wind you up,” Mark insisted. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Well, he’s succeeded. There’s no way I’m leaving—”

“And there’s no way I’m letting you do an interview in this state. Even if I thought it was a good idea, which I don’t. We need to go.”

DI Richards watched us leave. There was no cheeriness in his eyes at all now, just a look of cold calculation.

91

    MADDIE

WHEN MY PHONE RINGS I grab it, thinking it might be Pete, calling from his solicitor’s. But it isn’t.

“Lyn Edwards here, CAFCASS,” Lyn says formally. Her Welsh lilt is more pronounced now. “I’m afraid we have to have a chat about these changed circumstances, Maddie.”

“What changed circumstances?”

“There’s been child pornography found on Pete’s computer.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “There’s been what?”

“An indecent image, as I understand it. The CPS will be considering. But my only concern in this is Theo, Maddie, and what it might mean for him. His safety is my responsibility, Maddie, do you see?”

“I don’t believe it,” I say immediately. “I do not believe that Pete could possibly have been looking at child porn.”

“Well, that’s as may be. But we have to err on the side of caution, Maddie, do you see?”

“Are you saying you want him to move out again?” I say slowly.

“No, Maddie, that’s not what I’m saying. Because, as your own solicitor pointed out, there are also now questions over your suitability to act as carer in Pete’s absence, aren’t there?”

“That wasn’t what she—” I begin, but Lyn simply carries on speaking.

“I’ve looked through the medical reports, Maddie, and frankly they’re quite disturbing. Theo found on the floor with—and there’s no nice way to say this, Maddie—feces all around him.”

I feel myself go cold. “I was ill.”

“That’s as may be, Maddie. But who’s to say you couldn’t become ill again? You’re not taking your medication, are you?”

“Are you a doctor?”

There’s a brief pause. I can almost picture Lyn’s sharp eyes narrowing.

“I’m a qualified social worker, Maddie. We have to use our best judgment in situations like this. Though I have to tell you, I’ve also been sent a copy of what appears to be a newspaper article written by Peter, saying that the stress of finding out Theo isn’t yours has brought back some of your old symptoms. Would that not be correct, then, Maddie?”

That bloody article again. I don’t reply.

“We have to take all possible circumstances into account,” Lyn continues after a moment. “If that means taking sensible precautions, so be it.”

“So if you’re not asking Pete to move out, what are you suggesting?” I say leadenly.

“I think it’s best if Theo stays elsewhere for the time being, Maddie. If you would be so kind as to pack him an overnight bag, he can stay with Mr. and Mrs. Lambert until the hearing.”

92

    PETE

PACKING THAT SUITCASE WAS the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Compared with that, our time in the NICU was a doddle. Choosing clothes for Theo to take with him felt like choosing what he’d wear in his grave.

And of course, we had to hide our misery from him. Cheerily, we told him he was going to spend a few nights at David’s house, in his new rocket bed, and wouldn’t that be fun?

His eyes lit up. “Yeah!” he exclaimed.

We both took him next morning. Just for a moment, as he walked up their steps, he turned and looked at us anxiously. Then he ran back and lifted his arms for a hug.

We squeezed his little body so tight he said, “Ouff! You’re hurting!” Jill opened the door. We watched him go back up the steps and run inside. We handed her his suitcase.

And just like that, our little boy was gone.

* * *

—

AT NINE THIRTY I called Mark Cooper and told him I wanted to cooperate fully with the police. He started to say he strongly advised against it. I told him to arrange the interview and hung up.

I saw DI Richards the same day and answered all his questions. At the end of the interview he confirmed that, although the investigation against me for child abduction would remain ongoing while they checked out what I’d told them, everything else would be dropped.

“There, that wasn’t so difficult, was it?” he added.