I just made my non-complicated relationship complicated. I mentally clap at myself. Not a round-of-applause clap, but that awkward slow clap when someone you know has just been el retardo. I sigh and lean my head against the wall of the shower.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I’ve got to get my shit together. And quick. I say I give him one - no - two days without me before he comes crawling back. Smirking at the thought, I exit the shower and dress for the day. When I’m done, I head into the kitchen and see the box of rice puffs and a dirty bowl on the kitchen counter.

The ass had breakfast here. Of course he did. Why not just dirty all my dishes to piss me off even more? I shake my head and put the dirty bowl in the sink, go to the fridge to get some milk, then pick up a spoon and fresh bowl for myself. I sit at a stool at the counter, take my box of cereal and pour.

One rice puff falls into my bowl.

Frowning, I look into the box. And it’s fucking empty.

Oh, that is it!

Grabbing my keys, I storm over to Ghost’s and open the door and yell, “If you finish my goddamn cereal, replace the fucker next time!”

Ghost walks out of his bedroom buck naked and wet from the shower. His ashy hair is almost brown wet and, scars or not, his body is rocking. I try not to but I stare at his dick. All of a sudden, I’m salivating. When he reaches down to palm his hardening shaft, I snap my eyes up to look at him. He smirks, “Hungry, babe?”

I want to beg him to let me suck him, but instead I snap, “Fuck you, Ghost.”

His eyes widen and he looks pissed when he says, “I’ve been degraded to Ghost now?”

Hmmm.

Seems he’s right. He must revert back to Ghost when I’m pissed at him. Interesting.

Unsure what else to say, I spin on my heel and leave. When I walk through the door, I yell out, “Replace the fucking cereal, bitch!”

My blood boils when I hear him laugh.

This is not going well.

***

Today at the store, the girls were trying to get me out of my bad mood all day long. Tina bribed me with cake, Mimi told me about her sexcapades with Shawna, and Lola bought me a double dark chocolate buzz from Winnies. Nothing worked.

On the way home, I stopped and got a burger for dinner. That’s how shitty I felt.

Burger bad.

I know I shouldn’t have snapped at Ash the way I did for something he isn’t even aware of, but fuck, the man is infuriating sometimes. Eating my damn cereal was the last straw.

I eat my burger in the car on the way home. When I open the door to my apartment, something’s off. I look around trying to figure out what it can be, but I can’t see anything different. I’m sure I’m imagining things, so I strip off my clothes on the way to the bathroom and have a nice hot shower. Today I decide on chamomile lavender body wash. The froth feels so nice on me, like a mini massage, and today’s stresses seem to disappear.

When I’m done, I dress in my jammies and head into the kitchen. There’s a note on the pantry. I unstick it and read.

Replaced your cereal, your highness. I hope ten boxes are okay. Ghost.

Ghost is underlined three times. I think I might’ve hurt his feelings with that, but I’m appeased by the fact that he took the time out to buy me more cereal. Ten boxes was overkill but it’s all good. I don’t know what makes me do it, but I’m curious to see the boxes of cereal. Somehow I think it’ll make me feel even better.

I open the pantry and freeze.

***

I watch on the newly installed CCTV as the ten boxes of rice puffs that I unboxed and crammed into the pantry fall into a small mountain at Nat’s feet.

And I laugh and laugh and laugh my fucking ass off.

She tries to move but with every step she takes, more rice puffs scatter and she continuously slips on them. I laugh so hard I have to hold my stomach. This is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen. Who needs the internet when I have my own version of comedy living next door. She tries in vain to stand but slips again and again. Finally giving up, her face falls before she squeals at the top of her lungs in frustration.

And it all starts again. I laugh my ass off.

I’m surprised that she doesn’t clean the mess, just sweeps it into a corner and leaves it. Obviously had enough for the day, she heads off to bed. I switch cameras and turn on the night vision as she gets into bed.

Is what I’m doing creepy? Maybe.

Do I care? I’m not a known giver of fucks. No.

My eyebrows lift as I see her reach into her underwear drawer for something. As soon as she puts it between her legs, my eyes roll back and my dick hardens.

The little minx is using her vibrator.

Zooming in to get a better look at her, I stroke myself and watch her try to pleasure herself. She alternates using her hand and the vibrator, then using the vibrator while she stokes her clit, then using the vibrator while she pinches her nipples. Nothing. She can’t do it. She throws the vibrator across the room in frustration and although I can’t hear her, she smacks at the bed and her mouth moves rapidly. I smirk. Probably cursing me to hell for spoiling her so much she can’t get off.

Either way, that was sexy as hell and one for the spank bank.

I can’t believe she didn’t see the cameras when she came in from work. They aren’t exactly invisible.

It’s late and I decide to call it a night. When I settle in bed, I palm myself while thinking of Nat using her vibrator. Hot as hell.

Then I remember the rice puffs. And I laugh and laugh and laugh.

For the first night in twenty five years, I fall asleep with a smile on my face.

***

Early morning, my alarm goes off. It’s 5:25am and I get ready for my mission by dressing in black sweat pants and a black tee. As soon as I walk into my kitchen, I go through my cupboards and find the biggest container I have and load the rice puffs into it. It’s early as hell, but I find the will to make pancakes too. I take everything over to Asher’s bit by bit, and when everything is ready, I take a look at my canvas. His apartment is pretty bare making my work all too easy.

Making my way into his kitchen, I take out the super glue and get to work, grinning all the while.

No one fucks with a Kovac.

***

My alarm goes off and as I switch it off, I hear my front door close. My brow furrows.

It’s too early to deal with any bullshit.

Sighing, I get out of bed and walk out my bedroom door only to kick a plate on the floor. I pick up the plate which has three pancakes on it. They’re hot and smell good, loaded with butter and syrup. I smile to myself. This must be Nat’s way of apologizing for being a crazy-assed demon lady. I roll up one of the pancakes and take a bite. It’s delicious. I walk into the kitchen with my eyes closed in bliss and continue eating. When I reach the kitchen counter, I wash my syrup covered hands and put the dirty dish in the sink. There’s a note on the counter, I unfold it and read.

Enjoy your breakfast!

That’s nice of her. The bottom of the note has a little arrow pointing to the edge of the page. I turn it over and read.

Look up.

So I do. I raise my head to the ceiling and everything skids to a halt.

What the fuck? Is that-? Did she-? No way.

She fucking glued pancakes on my ceiling! The crazy-assed devil woman glued motherfucking pancakes on the ceiling!

Even though I’m fucking pissed, I’m equally impressed. How the hell did she get up there?

I need coffee. I turn on the coffee pot and make my way over to the fridge. As soon as I open it and hear a crunching noise, I mentally sigh. I take the milk out of the fridge and close it. And burst into laughter. Genuine, funny-as-fuck laughter.

She fucking glued rice puffs to my refrigerator.

I can’t see the surface to it. She spent a lot of time pulling this morning’s prank and I am impressed. This woman could give me a run for my money. I know I should be angry, but I started it and there are consequences to your actions. I’ll take it. This time. Nat just earned herself a medal in my books. Respect.

Doesn’t mean she isn’t going to get it.

Forgetting my coffee, I exit my apartment and head over to Nat’s. There’s a note on her door. With a grin, I open and read it.

You must be out of your mind if you thought I was going to stick around to see your reaction. Payback’s a bitch, bitch.

She’s lucky she isn’t here. I’d probably make her eat one of those pancakes. I turn and head back into my apartment. Making my way to the shower, I chuckle.

Fucking devil woman.

***

Mission success that early in the morning calls for a celebration and I’m celebrating with pie. Velvet choc hazelnut pie, to be exact. I buy it at a sweet little bakery which is just down the road from Safira’s. As soon as I bring it in, Tina’s all over me like whiskey on cola. She cuts herself the biggest slice ever and shoves most of it into her mouth. Moaning, she says a garbled, “This is really good.”

I stare at her like she’s lost her damn mind. Mimi comes over and eyes the pie with avid interest. I roll my eyes at her attempt to be cunning and almost throw a piece at her. Lola sees pie and yells, “Pie!” followed by a “Whoot, whoot!”

“What’s the occasion?” Mimi asks.

Being a smartass, I tease, “Tina’s pregnant.”

Tina almost chokes on her pie. Stunned, she looks up into my face and whispers, “How. Did. You. Know?”

Oh my God! No way!

Wide-eyed and open-mouthed, we all stare at Tina. After a few moments, she whispers, “That was meant to be a joke, wasn’t it?”

Mimi, Lola and I all nod slowly in astonishment. Tina clicks her fingers and snaps, “I knew it! Darn it to heck!”

Lola snaps us out of our stupor by jumping around and squealing, “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my freaking God!”

Mimi shakes her head and pokes Tina lightly in the belly, saying “I should’ve known. You’ve been crazy emotional lately and you said you have your period when I know I didn’t. I should’ve known. Man, I’m pissed at myself!”

Unable to move, I stand where I am at the counter. Pie forgotten and with stinging eyes, I ask, “Tatiana’s gonna have a brother or sister?”

Tina smiles. “Yeah, honey. She is. I’m just past six weeks. We were going to wait til eight to tell you all.”

Lowering my head, I cry silently. Happiness can be overwhelming that way. Sometimes you feel so full of it that you could just burst and happiness would fly out everywhere. Tina comes over to me and wraps her arms around me. We stay that way for a while. When I finally get myself together, I shriek, “Today is awesome!”

We all laugh, talk and eat pie. Turning to Tina, I utter, “Nik must’ve been on you like syrup on pancakes if he got you pregnant that quick.”

Looking pissed, she puts her hand on her hip. “I know, right? I told him we needed to use protection but he was all,” Putting on her best deep Nik voice, “Nah, baby. You’re breastfeeding. We don’t need to use a thing. It’ll be okay.” Her eyes widen and she continues, “The ass already knew he was knocking me up! Wasn’t even surprised when I told him I was pregnant. Just flashed me the damn dimple.” Smiling to herself, she looks over to us and admits, “It’s a magical dimple. It makes me do things I normally wouldn’t want to.”

Laughing our asses off at her silliness, I tell myself that even though I can’t have kids, I will stop being bitter about it. And surprisingly, I feel lighter.

Today is going to be a good one.

Chapter Nineteen

Sleep talking kills

Coming home to the apartment, I’ll admit I’m nervous as fuck. I’m still awaiting some form of retribution from Asher for this morning’s mixed breakfast chaos.

Stepping into the door, I flip on the light and look around through narrowed eyes. Everything looks okay, but I can’t be one hundred percent sure, so I tiptoe through the apartment, past the kitchen and down the hall into my room. Nothing there either.

That’s weird. Surely I haven’t won. Ghost wouldn’t allow that.

Yes, Ghost wouldn’t but would Asher? I’m not sure. Perhaps. He’s always been gentlemanly when he’s here what with letting me suck his cock and all. A knock at the door sounds and I jump into a wrestling stance. My heart beats a mile a minute and my legs wobble.

Holy crap, that scared me.

“Nat, open up.” Shit. That’s Asher.

Feet don’t fail me now.

Wait? What the hell is he doing at the front door? Now I’m convinced something’s not right. I walk over to the door and yell though it, “What do you want, butthead?”

He chuckles, “Open the door.”

Leaning back on the door, I check my nails and state, “No.”

Silence then, “Why not?”

I turn to the door and poke it as if I would be poking Ash’s chest. I snap, “I smell something fishy here! Why didn’t you just break in like you always do?”

Silence then, “I thought it might make your highness mad seeing as she kicked me out yesterday morning.”

This is quite possibly a reasonable answer. Still unsure, I ask, “What do you want?”

He answers, “I brought you a gift.”

No way! Retreat! It’s a trap!

I don’t say a word. I’m sure this is some joke. I yell out, “Is this some kind of joke?”

He says, “Nope. I got you. You got me. We’re even, so if you got any more pranks up your sleeve, call ‘em off. I don’t wanna spend another morning scraping fuckin’ pancakes off the ceiling.”

I can’t help the chuckle that breaks free. I tell him through my chuckles, “Okay. Well, leave it at the door then.”

He utters, “I really wanted to show you how to use it, but…okay.”

Listening through the door, I hear his apartment door close. Still uncertain if this is a trick, I open the door, snatch up the small white box and slam the door shut in record time. I narrow my eyes at the box and turn it every which way to get a better look at it. The packaging gives nothing away.