A Prince on Paper Page 58
“But?” Nya’s expectations leapt past should.
“But I want to take a walk with you. That’s all. I want to show you where I’m from.”
His expression was so earnest, so vulnerable—and she saw the precise moment when he slipped his careless rogue mask back on.
“We can put on disguises to avoid the press if you want,” he said, grinning. “I have lots of them. My favorite is a sea captain’s hat and a pipe. I also have a merman tail and—”
“Phoko.” She said the word quietly, but he stopped speaking because he always seemed to be listening for her voice. She thought about the advice Ledi and Portia had given her. She thought about what she wanted, and the role she had assigned herself in this live action dating role play.
Nya took her hands from her pockets and lightly grasped his tie. She slid her fingers up toward the knot, adjusting it because he had left it slightly askew. “You don’t have to pretend with me, you know. Even if we pretend with everyone else, even if this ring is only on my finger temporarily, you can be yourself with me. You’re not the only one capable of being a confidant.”
Johan stared at her, and she patted the knot, her fingertips grazing his throat as she pulled her hands away.
“Hrim,” he said again.
“Hrim?” she replied.
He made another guttural sound, one she couldn’t replicate if she tried. It sounded like a wounded animal. “I’m not sure I know how to do that. Be myself.”
Nya took a deep breath, because bravery required oxygen. “I like you, Phoko. I like you very much. I don’t expect you to feel the same way, but I think it only fair to tell you if we’re going to be ourselves.”
She smiled up at him, despite her pounding heart, despite her father’s voice telling her she was a wanton fool who deserved whatever the fallout of her forwardness would be.
Johan’s face was contorted by complete and utter horror before it snapped back into something resembling normal.
Ooookay. Maybe she should’ve kept her feelings to herself. Sorry was on the tip of her tongue, but Johan had told her not to apologize without reason and he’d been right.
“It’s that easy for you?” There was wonder in his voice as he reached out and stroked her cheek. He leaned in close and examined her face, her eyes. “Being open like that? Revealing your softest parts without fear I’ll skewer you?”
“Your people really need to find some nonpointy-metal ways of expressing your emotions,” she said, laughing from sheer relief. “Of course I’m afraid. But I’ve always been afraid. Why not be afraid and maybe enjoy myself, too?”
His hand cupped her cheek and then he leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Do you want the captain’s hat or the mermaid tail?” he asked.
“Neither,” she said. I want you, she didn’t say. “I want to go see your country and meet your people.”
“You don’t have to do this,” he reminded her. “If you want to just hang out in the palace and not help with the referendum, that’s fine.”
“I know. But you forget I have my own goals. My father thinks we are engaged. People are giving him information about me. I want him to see me in the newspapers, on the arm of a handsome man that I like very much, and I want him to suffer.”
Johan tipped her head back and looked at her, his brow creased. “He hurt you more than you’ve let anyone know,” he said quietly. “Because for you to want someone to suffer . . .” He shook his head, and when he looked at her again he was as charming as ever. “If making you happy will hurt him, then he’s in for a world of pain.”
Something warm and soft, and yet more dangerous than the blades the Liechtienbourgers were obsessed with, unfurled in her chest. Johan hadn’t said he liked her. But he was holding her close and brushing his thumb tenderly across her cheek. Even if he was pretending, as long as he didn’t break the spell, she would keep living like her dreams were attainable.
And when their charade ended and it was time to let this dream go? Who knew? Maybe she would find even loftier ones.
Chapter 14
LIECHTIENBOURG FREEDOM ALLIANCE FORUM
Jo-Jo’s surprise fiancée seems to be sweet as quetschentaart, but her father is a bad apple. The man is currently imprisoned for crimes against their kingdom. Is Bad Boy Jo-Jo’s whirlwind love affair another Jerami family coup? Does he care enough about his own kingdom to find out? I think we all know the answer to that.
It’s cold!” Nya slipped her arm through Johan’s as they stepped out of the castle’s secret exit, which opened into a mews between some of the city’s oldest buildings. The exit wasn’t entirely secret—the media and the street’s inhabitants just all mutually agreed to pretend not to see Johan or Lukas when they suddenly appeared from the door in the wall. Johan had thought it exciting when he’d first seen it, like the entryways to fairy worlds in his books. But like most worlds you accessed through a secret door, the price of entry had been higher than expected.
Nya pressed against him, and though he knew her coat was of the finest, thickest wool, he was sure he could feel her body heat through the fabric. Either that, or just being near her made him warm.
Scheisse, he was pathetic. And she liked him despite that.